FREEZE FRAME!!!
Off to a good start...
"Hello hello, welcome to a new vlog. I know I've been MIA". First, incorrect intro. Second, you're mistaken in thinking that we care about the fact that you've been 'MIA'. Third, you haven't been 'MIA': you've been sitting on your couch eating in front of the TV. Like every other day.
FREEZE FRAME!!
Amber realizes that she has a million things to say, but none of them are worth saying... making this the first hint of self-awareness ever displayed on her channel!
It took Amber two hours to put her hair in a high pony with some waves in it. For people (
@Xenomorph!!!) who have been asking about her "fairy hair": yes, she STILL has the kitty-butt tinsel in there. Fairy hair-care talk - to pad out the video. We don't need a long drawn out story about how you tied a piece of tree tinsel to a strand of your hair [SKIP]
JUMPCUT!! Taking Twonko for a wee. Amber pretends that she's actually going to take the dog for a walk.
FREEZE FRAME!!!
Looks like Twinkie's gaining weight.
JUMPCUT!! Back at home, trying to stuff herself into her fridge.
Insert "Improving my stamina" comment.
Insert "Eating a lot of sodium" comment. It doesn't matter how much you try to show us you eating lots of salt - we still know that your expansion is due to fat gain.
Food talk. Pickle 'taste test' on camera for degen clicks. Amber pretends that she actually has a pickle brand preference, and she shows it off like Truman's wife would show off products on 'The Truman Show'. Amber found another flavor of Gatorade she likes (and somehow this one seems to ALSO only have the full sugar version available in OKC stores).
FREEZE FRAME!!!
CLOSE THE FRIDGE DOOR!!
More food talk. Amber's going to have some (premade) pesto tortellini.
JUMPCUT!! At the bingo. I was going to give you a freeze frame, but it's just a zoomed in view of Amber's titties (and even I'm not that much of an asshole to do that to you).
JUMPCUT!! Just left bingo. Amber lost again. Kristine won. So... maybe this was Friday? I only suspect that because in a previous vlog, Amber said that she was going to be the third wheel for every one of Kristine and BF's Friday bingo date nights because Amber had nothing better to do. Though to be honest, that's also me assuing that Kristine and BF only gamble 1/week. Nevermind.
JUMPCUT!! Back at home, with Twinkie in the bathroom sink. Amber the pet owner from hell left something out (that she doesn't even know what), and Twinkie got into it, got green stuff all over her face, and needed to be cleaned up. I'm sure this is nonsense, and she's made this up/embellished for rage-engagement from her pet-loving audience.
JUMPCUT!! Amber's going to watch Squid Game - and get drunk by herself. Amber tells us not to worry (NO ONE CARES). Amber's not turning to alcohol (she just said that earlier for filler content). Squid Game and Jersey Shore are her top two shows.
Amber brings up Chantel - to pad out the video and to try and start drama with the Burka'ed Beachball. I don't care [SKIP]
JUMPCUT!! Alcohol talk. She's also going to have lots of salt, salt, and salt with it (cheese, crackers, processed meat).
JUMPCUT!! More food. Amber's craving carbs, so she's going to have butterned noodles. I'm not recapping how to make buttered noodles [SKIP]
Amber mentions that she's not on track in any way, as if expecting anyone to be surprised. Amber thinks about going back to OMAD, as it 'genuinely' worked for her.
"Taste test" on camera for degen clicks. Amber shows off her MASSIVE trough of pasta that she's eating with a teeny-tiny measuring spoon because all of ther other spoons are dirty. Again, this is nothing more than fabricated controversy. And by that, I mean that Amber TELLING US about it is for controversy; I truly believe that Amber would struggle to eat her macaroni one noodle at a time with a 5mL measuring spoon because she's too lazy to take 5 seconds to wash a proper one.
Amber pretends that she cooks too much food at once because she's not used to living alone and not cooking for a gorlfriend... and not because she's over 500lbs and makes the choice every day to eat enough to maintain over 500lbs.
Amber pretends that she's so much better now, as before she would eat EVERYTHING she made at once. Oh, but NOW she saves the extra for another meal (10 minutes later). I'll say it again: You finally confessed to being over 500 lbs in summer of 2018. It is now late fall 2023, and you are still over 500 lbs. There has been no meaningful change to your intake.
OMG "food food food. Food food food food food-food. Food FOOOOOOOD!!!!!". [SKIP]
Amber says that now she can stop herself from eating too much. LOL. ONCE AGAIN: 2018 500+lbs; 2023 500+lbs. NO CHANGE.
On her 3rd BuzzBall, for rage-engagement. Amber teases the idea of livestreaming. Amber teases her audience that she has 'tea' about her dating life. She's been 'talking' to people, but she doesn't feel like she's ready to date unless she falls in love and feels like they're perfect. She doesn't want a relationship where the person lives with her. Amber wants to deal with her 'homely' responsiblilities by herself.
TRANSLATION: She keeps casting her line, but no one's biting.
Also, what do you want to bet that her bedroom, kitchen, and bathroom are absolutely TRASHED and disgusting right now and she's been ignoring those 'homely' responsibilities?
FREEZE FRAME!!
Totally doesn't overeat anymore.
Actually, shekinda looks like the YT ShortCircuit guy...
Amber says she has the bad habit of making her partners her entire life. Amber blames it on her BPD - calling it a 'mental illness' again. Blah blah blah BIG HEART blah blah.
Amber doesn't want to change who she is (duh). She's never been *that* girlie (never been a mean, shitty person who's done bad things).
UNO reversal! Now she's saying she HAS CHANGED SO MUCH and isn't the person she was, but her audience doesn't see that and won't let go of her past shittiness. Fake tears are fake.
*Tears* "I owe a big thanks to my ex". This is like a really bad Oscar acceptance speech. And Amber's using Jade for content YET AGAIN. Maybe gorlworld can hire Will Smith to slap Ambo and tell her to keep Wipey's name outta her mouth. Hell, maybe gorlworld can hire WIPEY to do that. Shit, I'd actually watch that on Ambo's channel. I'd even turn off the adblocker! (Actually, no I still wouldn't do either of those things - but it would be entertaining).
Amber thinks she's matured in certain aspects.
Amber claims to have been watching her old content from 2017 to 2019, and pretends that she was SO DIFFERENT back then. Amber thinks that people only watched her back then because she overshared and talked about things she would never talk about now. This is causing a big disconnect that she hates, and she's trying to find a balance between current Amberlynn and classic Amberlynn. Amber asks her audience for patience while she tries to figure it out.
TRANSLATION: Amber has tried every trick and manipulation in the book, but her views keep dropping. As Amber can't seem to trick a slow-in-the-head, desperate lesbian to be her slave and her channel content, she has no idea what to do and is shitting bricks about it. You NEED TO KEEP WATCHING HER because the YT ATM isn't spitting as much money at her as it used to.
Amber WOULD go back to filming every other day, but she feels so self-conscious about what she's saying and filming, and she doesn't like that feeling AT ALL. Great, so go get a job that actually gives a little back to society instead of hurpling around like a retard for adsense... or, you know, just grow a beard and join the circus.
Amber's super sad persona breaks when she realizes that she's fidgeting and takes the opportunity to blather about fidgeting being one of her super quirky traits.
[PLACARD: Thanks for watching]
No proper outro - FUCK YOU, AMBER!