Bad Game Reviews - Did you actually play the damn game?

I think people underestimate kids perseverance and patience if they like the game they're messing around with. In a way children are psychopathic autismos so they will figure out that thing in a Lego game that leaves me completely stumped and stops me from progressing. Probably because they have fun playing around in the environment while I try to play the game and finish it.
 
I know Yakuza as a whole is overley memed on (i myself enjoy the games for what they are and i think the tongue in cheek shit is pretty entertaining) but Skill Up (he was mentioned at the start of this but i didnt want to tag over a couple weeks old posts) did a pretty shit Lost Judgement review, pretty much expecting it to not be like Yakuza and more serious, which, understandable, Yakuza's tone can be kinda wierd for a Newcomer, but he deadass expected actual serious solutions and takes on "social issues" like bullying and shit
 
I know Yakuza as a whole is overley memed on (i myself enjoy the games for what they are and i think the tongue in cheek shit is pretty entertaining) but Skill Up (he was mentioned at the start of this but i didnt want to tag over a couple weeks old posts) did a pretty shit Lost Judgement review, pretty much expecting it to not be like Yakuza and more serious, which, understandable, Yakuza's tone can be kinda wierd for a Newcomer, but he deadass expected actual serious solutions and takes on "social issues" like bullying and shit
He also opens this review by admitting he's never finished a Yakuza game and the furthest he's gotten is putting around five hours in both Yakuza 6 and 7 both of which are 50-70 hour experiences depending on playstyle, 5 hours is nothing.

Like A Dragon is a soft reboot of the series so I'd say a newbie can pretty easily jump into that but everything before that is ridiculously dense and going to require playing pretty much all the previous games to understand.
 
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This was just a random faggot making a rant video but this was pretty funny because of his autism and the reaction to it, "Review" of Endwalker, the newest FFXIV expansion


TL:DW, he skipped over most cutscenes in a JRPG then complained the plot didnt make sense, and did poorly at some somewhat simple solo instances of an MMO, as much as FFXIV is filled with trannies and other tards that also misinterpret the plot for their own retarded headcanons, whats there is pretty above average and so alot of focus of the content is on it, so to see someone bitch about the main point of a vidya because hes kinda retarded was kinda funny
 
This was just a random faggot making a rant video but this was pretty funny because of his autism and the reaction to it, "Review" of Endwalker, the newest FFXIV expansion


TL:biggrin:W, he skipped over most cutscenes in a JRPG then complained the plot didnt make sense, and did poorly at some somewhat simple solo instances of an MMO, as much as FFXIV is filled with trannies and other tards that also misinterpret the plot for their own retarded headcanons, whats there is pretty above average and so alot of focus of the content is on it, so to see someone bitch about the main point of a vidya because hes kinda retarded was kinda funny
How can someone be this much of a dipshit? His spergout on Twitter over the criticism is the best part:
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I will say that even though I think Shillup's Lost Judgment review is garbage I low key agree with some of his criticisms on the plot. The first Judgement has Yamagi tracking a serial killer who takes people's fucking eyes and the sequel is about stopping high school bullying?

I'll admit to finding this low key confusing as well. Especially since the Judgement series was intended to be grittier than the mainline Yakuza franchise.
 
I know Yakuza as a whole is overley memed on (i myself enjoy the games for what they are and i think the tongue in cheek shit is pretty entertaining) but Skill Up (he was mentioned at the start of this but i didnt want to tag over a couple weeks old posts) did a pretty shit Lost Judgement review, pretty much expecting it to not be like Yakuza and more serious, which, understandable, Yakuza's tone can be kinda wierd for a Newcomer, but he deadass expected actual serious solutions and takes on "social issues" like bullying and shit
Amazing how this guy's credibility went down the toilet. Went from thinking he was solid to thinking he's a shill.

The picture was put up earlier in the thread of God Hand and Baby's whatever, but to understand how bad game journalists are, dude played maybe a few hours at most, found it too difficult, tried passing it around the office, no one else wanted to play it to completion, so he shat out the 3.0 score.

It's sad because these are the people developers encounter, they are the reason why games are dumbed down a lot now. It's why all these games are fucking movies now. It's like that journo who couldn't figure out how to jump dash in Cuphead and got stuck on tutorial for minutes.
 
To make a long story short, he is known as RandomDCE, and was one of the very first popular Youtubers when it was still starting out in its infancy. He obviously was inspired by the likes of Yahtzee, and his rants such as his "Handy-Dandy Guides On How To Make X Watchable, Enjoyable, And Complaint-Free" earned him tons of subscribers and associates on the site.

He's obviously slipped well past his hey-day, but he still makes sprite comics and rants on sites like that, as he loves to make the latter.
Man, I used to love his videos back in the day, but I'm not sure if I can really stand him now. Even back then, I remember him ranting about Spongebob and getting shit wrong like it copying Invader Zim despite the former predating it.
 
Man, I used to love his videos back in the day, but I'm not sure if I can really stand him now. Even back then, I remember him ranting about Spongebob and getting shit wrong like it copying Invader Zim despite the former predating it.
He quit Youtubing because he said that he wanted no part in becoming something he despises. In other words, every single other content creator that isn't still acting like it's 2008.

Seriously, he is still the same smug pretentious hack, making the same poorly drawn unfunny sprite comics, and still looking down on people who like games and anime that he things are "beneath him" and hold "no value for someone like him", that being, nearly all of them. His DMC3 review I posted just so happens to be one of the ones that I hate the most, mainly due to just how condescending he is towards people who like it, saying that he is far more sophisticated and mature than those "13-year-old self-inserters."
 
This example is particularly funny because people still quote this review as "the true Last of US 2 review". Everything around this game is autistic isn't it?


Even if the review is positive, this guy can't stop acting like a faggot for at least a minute.
Absurdly late but I think his Persona 3 review is a lot worse by comparison.
There are some criticisms of the gameplay mentioned which are actually quite well done but his points on the plot are basically;

"The way this scene is written sucks, no I will not explain why it sucks or come up with a better example"

He's been a bit of a minor lolcow within the SMT fandom for a while though so it's to be expected.
 
It's eluding me for some reason. But there's a review of Baldur's Gate (I think it was the new prequel expasion) Where the guy stops halfway through the video for a good 10 or so minutes to have a spergout about trans people and how people should stop being mad about the one the devs put in.
I don't understand why people think there would be troons in fantasy worlds where magic is a thing. Instead of being a weird ugly troon wouldn't you just use magic to become a beautiful women? In The Witcher (the books not the games) Geralt mentions Yennifer was originally a deformed hunchback who used magic to make herself beautiful.

If you had magical abilities would you look like your average Twitter troon?
 
Not so much a review but Dean Takahashi's(some gamejourno) video of cuphead after spending 26 minutes proving he doesn't actually know how to play video games then posts some cope after people went off at him is pretty funny.




Is he that dumbfuck who couldn't even figure out how to jump?
 
There are some criticisms of the gameplay mentioned which are actually quite well done but his points on the plot are basically;

"The way this scene is written sucks, no I will not explain why it sucks or come up with a better example"

He's been a bit of a minor lolcow within the SMT fandom for a while though so it's to be expected.
"Isabeau is a good character because she is not anime-written. She is strong and independent"

I can't help but giggle at that line
 
How can someone be this much of a dipshit? His spergout on Twitter over the criticism is the best part:
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The cutscenes are part of the game. They are there because the developers intended them to be part of the experience. Skipping them therefore only gives you a partial experience. I've played through plenty of games where I hated the story or thought it was lacking. But I always watched the cutscenes and paid attention to the dialog at least once.

I don't understand why people think there would be troons in fantasy worlds where magic is a thing. Instead of being a weird ugly troon wouldn't you just use magic to become a beautiful women? In The Witcher (the books not the games) Geralt mentions Yennifer was originally a deformed hunchback who used magic to make herself beautiful.

If you had magical abilities would you look like your average Twitter troon?

I'm guessing that while magical transitioning would be the perfect solution to "muh dysphoria", it's also "problematic" because insert stupid reason here. Part of them loves being an ugly, non-passable hot mess. It gets them loads of attention on social media and they can force their way into women's spaces by crying foul. If they could just transform into the average hot thot with all the parts and functions, then suddenly they aren't so special.
 
I remember seeing UpperEchelon Gaming play Genshin and claim it's the worst thing to happen to gaming because he couldn't kill anything in a timely manner, but close examination (aka opening your eyes) showed that he never tried to set up elemental combos and made no effort to understanding the games simple but satisfying elemental synergies.

For the unaware, Genshin shoves this mechanic far enough down your throat that it pops out your ass. Characters mention it in dialogue. Every new enemy you encounter will have a little journal entry on what elements work on them. When you enter just about any activity, the game will recommend elements to use. If you try to enter a domain (dungeon) without recommended elemental party members the game will confirm this decision with you.

This guy managed to do something I thought was actually impossible and fuck up playing Genshin.
 
Another idiotic statement made by a games journalist that I learned from a Larry Bundy video, that shithead shill who said that there was "Absolutely no way that Sim City 2013 could be played offline" because they believed Maxis/EA's bullshit line about it being completely necessary because of all the "advanced features" they put in the game that required you to be online 100% of the time to play a single player, city building game. All it was was DRM shit, that was it. It had no bearing on the actual game whatsoever.

Not long after that games journalist said that, a mod was released where you could play completely offline, making the journalist look like a huge idiot on top of being a fucking corporate shill.

A great thing happened because of this, however. Due to Sim City 2013 being the HUGE, dismal failure that it was, it directly led to Paradox Interactive funding Colossal Order's city building game: Cities Skyline's, which is far superior than any Sim City game by far, and about 100000000x better than that POS that was Sim City 2013.

Colossal Order had been making transport centric games, kinda like Transport Tycoon, where you were in control of a regions transportation systems: Busses, trains, Airports, etc, and the city built automatically around how good you handled the logistics of transportation. The Devs from Colossal Order approached Paradox (their publisher) with a plan of creating an all out city-building simulator a few years before Sim City 2013 came out, but Paradox turned the idea down, because "A new Sim City game is underway, and it's going to be very difficult to compete with Maxis/EA since they have a built-in fanbase and +30 years of experience creating city building simulators.

Then, Sim City 2013 was released.... and it was such an utter disaster in every way, Paradox came around and said, "You know, maybe a city simulator wouldn't be such a terrible idea." And we got the greatness that is Cities:Skylines.

I wish more game developers would realize this though, as they're still fucking up every time you turn around with shit like this. They'll have a great franchise with a long history, and then they'll simplify it for no good reason, thinking that they'll get all these new fans if they dumb down an established product that fans want to see with more features and more detail.

Maxis/EA did this before Sim City 2013 with the lameness that was Sim City: Societies in 2007. A game so dumbed down, you no longer used zoning to building your city, you just plopped down whole buildings. It was like kiddy shit. In fact, there was a kiddy version of Sim City made in the 90s that had that exact formula. You'd just plop down buildings to make your town. IIRC, it was called Sim Town. But that was fine, it was made for kids as a side project. They weren't trying to make that their flagship game series, they still made regular Sim City games for the older fans. Sim Town was just lagniappe. Nobody will have a problem if you make a side product for a younger audience as long as you keep the main game series appropriate for longtime fans.

It wasn't just EA's influence on Maxis either (though I'm sure that probably was part of it, maybe even a big part of it). Maxis/EA made Sim City 4 in 2003 and that was awesome. Had all the complexity and new features that longtime fans loved. I don't understand how they could have possibly thought it was a good idea to make a game in 2013, ten years after Sim City 4, but slashed all complexity and the ability to make large cities. Sim City 2013 was more of a village simulator. You could build an entire, connected region in Sim City 4, 10 years prior, but no ability to do that in Sim City 2013.
 
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