- Joined
- Aug 22, 2014
Believe it gurl
Let's Sperg Darkest Dungeon Let's Sperg: Part 2 - A Quest of Autism and Lovecraftian Horror
- Thread starter Jaimas
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Believe it gurl
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2014
The group has plunged deep into the Darkest Dungeon now; whatever the fuck lies at the core of this disgusting place, our group is close.
Gathering together veterans @Jaimas, @Solzhenitsyn, @Ol'_Slag, and @Feline Darkmage, the group geared up to go into the depths.
The interminable stone halls are but an antechamber. The creature is vast beyond measure and must be battled from within. Step over the threshold and let the terrible truth worm its way into your mind.
Four Logs. This gives you a general idea of how big this particular map is. Indeed, it's by far the largest map in the entire campaign and the loading screen will even tell you as much. It is the only mission with the level of "Exhausting," and you'd best believe it earns that title.
The mission loads, and...
The gateless gate. A maddening aperture to realms beyond human understanding.
Also known as "goatse."
In our absence, the land of 10,000 nopes has multiplied to a few million. Massive organs the size of towns pulse and twitch in the background, unearthly things writhe on the floors and wall, and Solz jokes that the entire area reminds him of that time his pupper got worms from eating meat from a dumpster. And on that colorful note, we proceed onwards.
The objective: get to the center of the map and ignite the Iocus Beacon. This will let us teleport squads directly to the portal to confront the thing at the core of this abomination. The only problem: It's in the center of the biggest map in the entire game. And it's only likely to get worse from there.
Our team runs into Flesh Hounds once more, now in big groups. These little shits are more irritations than actual threats at this point, but they have a lot of HP and they tend to make combat drag because of their high dodge rates and frequent stuns. As Solz demonstrates, they are no match for a real dog.
A scroll deployment later and the team presses on.
We soon run into a Mammoth Cyst. This is essentially a clone of the actual boss of this particular mission; there's actually almost a dozen of these fucking things, counting the one we have to kill. The Cyst itself is a tough old bastard - much more durable than many early bosses and with the damage output to match. It also can shoot fucking lasers.
Ironically, it's not the Cyst itself that's the threat. Rather, it's the nearby White Cell Stalk.
See, the White Cell Stalk can teleport you. Yes, teleport. It launches the entire party to a random spot on the map, ending the fight and throwing you to some random dead end or another in this fucking hellhole - and potentially into a random encounter. Enemies in the dungeon don't respawn and there's no random encounters here, and the Mammoth Cysts don't heal HP between fights - but this also means that every time you get launched, you have to fight your way back towards the center, potentially through more Mammoth Cysts and more teleportations. That is why this map is so hard: It's an endurance grind and the game intends to crush you under its slog.
The thing is, I chose this party knowing this.
Between Slag's heavy damage, Jaimas' stuns and area-of-effect damage, and Solz' ability to hammer the back ranks, I'm able to kill the little bastard when it surfaces - every single turn. On the turns it does act, it immediately uses Displace rather than Teleport, often targetting Slag and getting a knife to the face in thanks. Six rounds later, this disgusting thing is dead and we continue on our long trek towards the boss, humorously without being teleported.
The group soon runs into more threats, including antibodies and a polyp for good measure, backing some Flesh Hounds. These guys hit hard but are compratively fragile, and blows from the team put them to flight.
A common, re-occurring theme with this dungeon is Slag killing enemies when it isn't even his turn. Duelist's Riposte and Point-Blank Shot remain his heavy lifsters, and Slag is still doing his best at fucking up anything in front of him.
With the enemy routed, the team bunkers down to camp for the night.
It's hard to relax down here, with the tumescent growths and pulsing organs. The ongoing sound of a heartbeat that just will not shut the fuck up is not helping matters at all, either. Still, Slag knows what's what and the team quickly organizes a plan to take these down quicker. Some doge therapy and prayers later, the group takes a long nap and starts to move early in the morning. Not even Jaimas wants to be down here. Solz gives everyone the most important advice of all, and the team moves on.
BAD MOVE COMING BACK FOR SECONDS MOTHERFUCKER THIS TIME I'M READY FOR YOU
Ahem. These Templar variants are weak shadows of the ones from the last quest. They lack Revelation, and they only attack once a round, and while their attacks are still brutal and devastating, these guys are a fucking joke compared to the Templars from last mission.
Even when they connect, anything they do is just as easily undone by Feline Darkmage.
Finally, after more of this nonsense, Slag kills the damned thing when it isn't even his turn. Again. Fucking counterattacks.
Finally, we reach the core. This one's for all the marbles, and the boss is going to throw everything it has at us. Given past experience, this is likely to take us a few attempts as the Stalk teleports us, and we have to wander back to the--
...Or that can happen. That's fine too.
The team goes right to work, hacking, stunning, slashing, and dogging the Cyst and its little summonable each time it pops up. However, this time goes far differently from the last time.
Solz Marks the cyst, feeds his doge a biscuit, and the thing proceeds to wreck its fucking shit, knocking off over a third of its HP in a single strike. in this blow he's essentially matched two rounds of Jaimas hacking its tentacles off. Then, at some point, the boss summons another stalk, and prepares another assault.
He goes after Slag. The attack misses.
It's the last mistake the boss ever makes. The fucking thing is dead turn four and the Kiwis just trivialized the longest mission in the game, turning what is normally a grind that can take an hour or more and finishing it in about 10 minutes.
The Iocus Beacon is ignited. Everything is now ready for the final stretch.
Back at town, a tension has fallen over the estate. Something is wrong, and everyone can feel it.
As the Ancestor puts it:
At last, the twisted heart of the world is laid bare - for sword, or supplication....
One last mission is ahead.
We... May have a problem.
Gathering together veterans @Jaimas, @Solzhenitsyn, @Ol'_Slag, and @Feline Darkmage, the group geared up to go into the depths.
The interminable stone halls are but an antechamber. The creature is vast beyond measure and must be battled from within. Step over the threshold and let the terrible truth worm its way into your mind.
Four Logs. This gives you a general idea of how big this particular map is. Indeed, it's by far the largest map in the entire campaign and the loading screen will even tell you as much. It is the only mission with the level of "Exhausting," and you'd best believe it earns that title.
The mission loads, and...
The gateless gate. A maddening aperture to realms beyond human understanding.
Also known as "goatse."
In our absence, the land of 10,000 nopes has multiplied to a few million. Massive organs the size of towns pulse and twitch in the background, unearthly things writhe on the floors and wall, and Solz jokes that the entire area reminds him of that time his pupper got worms from eating meat from a dumpster. And on that colorful note, we proceed onwards.
The objective: get to the center of the map and ignite the Iocus Beacon. This will let us teleport squads directly to the portal to confront the thing at the core of this abomination. The only problem: It's in the center of the biggest map in the entire game. And it's only likely to get worse from there.
Our team runs into Flesh Hounds once more, now in big groups. These little shits are more irritations than actual threats at this point, but they have a lot of HP and they tend to make combat drag because of their high dodge rates and frequent stuns. As Solz demonstrates, they are no match for a real dog.
A scroll deployment later and the team presses on.
We soon run into a Mammoth Cyst. This is essentially a clone of the actual boss of this particular mission; there's actually almost a dozen of these fucking things, counting the one we have to kill. The Cyst itself is a tough old bastard - much more durable than many early bosses and with the damage output to match. It also can shoot fucking lasers.
Ironically, it's not the Cyst itself that's the threat. Rather, it's the nearby White Cell Stalk.
See, the White Cell Stalk can teleport you. Yes, teleport. It launches the entire party to a random spot on the map, ending the fight and throwing you to some random dead end or another in this fucking hellhole - and potentially into a random encounter. Enemies in the dungeon don't respawn and there's no random encounters here, and the Mammoth Cysts don't heal HP between fights - but this also means that every time you get launched, you have to fight your way back towards the center, potentially through more Mammoth Cysts and more teleportations. That is why this map is so hard: It's an endurance grind and the game intends to crush you under its slog.
The thing is, I chose this party knowing this.
Between Slag's heavy damage, Jaimas' stuns and area-of-effect damage, and Solz' ability to hammer the back ranks, I'm able to kill the little bastard when it surfaces - every single turn. On the turns it does act, it immediately uses Displace rather than Teleport, often targetting Slag and getting a knife to the face in thanks. Six rounds later, this disgusting thing is dead and we continue on our long trek towards the boss, humorously without being teleported.
The group soon runs into more threats, including antibodies and a polyp for good measure, backing some Flesh Hounds. These guys hit hard but are compratively fragile, and blows from the team put them to flight.
A common, re-occurring theme with this dungeon is Slag killing enemies when it isn't even his turn. Duelist's Riposte and Point-Blank Shot remain his heavy lifsters, and Slag is still doing his best at fucking up anything in front of him.
With the enemy routed, the team bunkers down to camp for the night.
It's hard to relax down here, with the tumescent growths and pulsing organs. The ongoing sound of a heartbeat that just will not shut the fuck up is not helping matters at all, either. Still, Slag knows what's what and the team quickly organizes a plan to take these down quicker. Some doge therapy and prayers later, the group takes a long nap and starts to move early in the morning. Not even Jaimas wants to be down here. Solz gives everyone the most important advice of all, and the team moves on.
BAD MOVE COMING BACK FOR SECONDS MOTHERFUCKER THIS TIME I'M READY FOR YOU
Ahem. These Templar variants are weak shadows of the ones from the last quest. They lack Revelation, and they only attack once a round, and while their attacks are still brutal and devastating, these guys are a fucking joke compared to the Templars from last mission.
Even when they connect, anything they do is just as easily undone by Feline Darkmage.
Finally, after more of this nonsense, Slag kills the damned thing when it isn't even his turn. Again. Fucking counterattacks.
Finally, we reach the core. This one's for all the marbles, and the boss is going to throw everything it has at us. Given past experience, this is likely to take us a few attempts as the Stalk teleports us, and we have to wander back to the--
...Or that can happen. That's fine too.
The team goes right to work, hacking, stunning, slashing, and dogging the Cyst and its little summonable each time it pops up. However, this time goes far differently from the last time.
Solz Marks the cyst, feeds his doge a biscuit, and the thing proceeds to wreck its fucking shit, knocking off over a third of its HP in a single strike. in this blow he's essentially matched two rounds of Jaimas hacking its tentacles off. Then, at some point, the boss summons another stalk, and prepares another assault.
He goes after Slag. The attack misses.
It's the last mistake the boss ever makes. The fucking thing is dead turn four and the Kiwis just trivialized the longest mission in the game, turning what is normally a grind that can take an hour or more and finishing it in about 10 minutes.
The Iocus Beacon is ignited. Everything is now ready for the final stretch.
Back at town, a tension has fallen over the estate. Something is wrong, and everyone can feel it.
As the Ancestor puts it:
At last, the twisted heart of the world is laid bare - for sword, or supplication....
One last mission is ahead.
We... May have a problem.
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2014
The final battle is ahead.... And the hardest choice yet is ahead, Kiwis.
The final mission in Darkest Dungeon is not like other fights. Unlike others, at least one (usually two) deaths against this cock-ration are, in essence, inevitable. While it is, from a purely hypothetical standpoint, possible to win it without any casualties, there are only two currently recorded cases of it ever happening. Thanks to the Steam Cloud glitch giving Mark Boyd free reign to massacre the original team AWMA, any hope of this being a zero-casualty run ended some time ago.
One team needs to be gathered to take on this mission. We have one team that can potentially take on the final boss without casualties, but the chances are highly against it - and odds are good that if it fucks up (and it has a very high chance of doing so), none of that team will return home. A more conventional team can pull off a guaranteed win - but not without sacrifices.
I leave the choice to you all. Post and either state the case for trying to save everyone else, or volunteer for the task at hand yourself. Thanks to the Darkest Dungeon quests freeing roster space, we have room for up to 12 new newcomers - so if an enthusiastic rookie wants to make themselves a martyr to the Kiwi Cause, they may.
This is our final mission.
The final mission in Darkest Dungeon is not like other fights. Unlike others, at least one (usually two) deaths against this cock-ration are, in essence, inevitable. While it is, from a purely hypothetical standpoint, possible to win it without any casualties, there are only two currently recorded cases of it ever happening. Thanks to the Steam Cloud glitch giving Mark Boyd free reign to massacre the original team AWMA, any hope of this being a zero-casualty run ended some time ago.
One team needs to be gathered to take on this mission. We have one team that can potentially take on the final boss without casualties, but the chances are highly against it - and odds are good that if it fucks up (and it has a very high chance of doing so), none of that team will return home. A more conventional team can pull off a guaranteed win - but not without sacrifices.
I leave the choice to you all. Post and either state the case for trying to save everyone else, or volunteer for the task at hand yourself. Thanks to the Darkest Dungeon quests freeing roster space, we have room for up to 12 new newcomers - so if an enthusiastic rookie wants to make themselves a martyr to the Kiwi Cause, they may.
This is our final mission.
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2014
Petals must fall. Let me find my absolution from this nightmare, send me in.
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2015
This will be our hardest challenge yet. The team will have to harness the skeletons within them to blend the most unblendable foe of all: an invertebrate.
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2016
Ol Slag began this mission on the path of redemption. I will either be victorious or I will meet a heros demise. I choose to go on the final mission.
- Joined
- Oct 1, 2014
I've died once already and some movie man told me that You Only Live Twice.
Which doesn't seem right, because most video games give you at least three mans to start with.
Which doesn't seem right, because most video games give you at least three mans to start with.
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2013
Pray to RNGesus that almost all of us will come out alive. Also, I am a coward, so I am not participating.
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2016
Go for the risky strat of All or Nothing. Why? Because fuck the RNG. Roguelikes are a constant struggle against the RNG. So it's time to send him kind regards and beat the odds.
- Joined
- Jan 3, 2016
I've been here since Page 1. Watched our Kiwis start off as little hatchlings and grow into terrifying heroes that Cthulhu himself would fear. We said at page 1 that we wouldn't rest until we caught the leader of the brigands. The "leader" turning out to be an eldritch horror doesn't change our duty.
Put us in, Coach! Servire et servare!
Put us in, Coach! Servire et servare!
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2015
If you die, I'll avenge you. Characters with revenge subplots never lose and Cop Dog's providence is infinite and just. Checkmate, atheists.
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
@Jaimas, I like to ask if I could go into the final mission in this game. I want to fight the final boss just like when I fought the Dark Savant and Zuggtmoy. If I die, I can say that I at least died fighting a final boss.
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2014
I have worked out two teams for the final mission: Team "Nobody Has To Die," which potentially can beat the boss without casualties - and terrible risk, and Team "Fuck the World," which will beat the boss regardless of price.
Cast your votes.
Cast your votes.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Fuck the World - with that I either go out in a blaze of glory or I survived from fighting the final boss.
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2015
- Joined
- Oct 1, 2014
I'm tempted to go with "Fuck the World," because if they win and don't die, it'd be fucking amazing.
L
LD 3187
Guest
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2014
Looks like Operation: Fuck the World is a go. Or would be, if it weren't for one small problem.
Unfortunately, Red Hook lied a bit. Despite the patch notes claiming otherwise, Never Again is still a thing. Which means none of the characters who went in the first assaults can be used in this one - meaning the following characters are out of the running:
@KidKitty
@lolwut
@c-no
@Varg Did Nothing Wrong
@Randall Fragg
@Ravelord
@Jaimas
@Ol'_Slag
@Solzhenitsyn
@Feline Darkmage
@Sable
@Techpriest
Any of these assholes can still do other missions, they just won't do this last one. Unfortunately it's almost a third of our roster.
Team Nobody has to Die could run this, but a promise is a promise.
A new team is set up, consisting of a mix of C-Stringers, Main Characters, and heavy hitters.
@Cosmos, @GethN7, @BOLDYSPICY!, and @Burned Man proceed into the lair of the final foe - and none can say who will emerge victorious.
Unfortunately, Red Hook lied a bit. Despite the patch notes claiming otherwise, Never Again is still a thing. Which means none of the characters who went in the first assaults can be used in this one - meaning the following characters are out of the running:
@KidKitty
@lolwut
@c-no
@Varg Did Nothing Wrong
@Randall Fragg
@Ravelord
@Jaimas
@Ol'_Slag
@Solzhenitsyn
@Feline Darkmage
@Sable
@Techpriest
Any of these assholes can still do other missions, they just won't do this last one. Unfortunately it's almost a third of our roster.
Team Nobody has to Die could run this, but a promise is a promise.
A new team is set up, consisting of a mix of C-Stringers, Main Characters, and heavy hitters.
@Cosmos, @GethN7, @BOLDYSPICY!, and @Burned Man proceed into the lair of the final foe - and none can say who will emerge victorious.
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