Let's Sperg Darkest Dungeon Let's Sperg: Part 2 - A Quest of Autism and Lovecraftian Horror

[Jaimas]

The call goes out: We're on the move!

While the greedy dogs slept off their revelry, I hexed their anchor with every twisted incantation I could muster, imbuing it with the weight of my ambition and my contempt for their cruel extortion. At the witching hour, the anchor pulled with preternatural force, dragging craft and crew down into the depths. They must have cried out, but no sound escaped the swirling black waters.

This one will be the last boss fight of the set - with this, we've made the Hamlet as secure as it's likely to get, and we can prepare for what's to come. Veteran team leader @Burned Man leads a squad with @Ruin, @alex_theman, and @RJ MacReady into the cove, with the intent of putting down the crew for good.

Exactly thirty seconds in and party leader @Burned Man realizes that we forgot to pack torches. So far, things are going well.

Thankfully, however, I'm a canny sort, and came up with a brilliant strategy. Since this mission's comparatively light on encounters and the team is not at a loss for power, I stalled during fights in order to let Ruin recharge the light level by blasting everything with Illumination in a sword-shaped laser rave party. Finally the team reaches the end of this little corridor and took a nap.

That night, the group discusses this mission and recent events. Ruin offers to do the dance to protect the camp but Alex argues that this is a bit too racey and Mac's doggo gets the task instead. Burned Man discusses tactics, and together the group readies to make the final push against the boss tomorrow. Ruin then notices that our campsite happens to be their wrecked ship. This bodes well.

The group fights the Drowned Crew once more. This is basically the same fight it was on Veteran, except that the crew does more damage and has way more HP, making this drag on way harder. This fight kind of sucked in the first place, and the reason I sent this team as opposed to AWMA is because AWMA has a contractual agreement to never have to go to the cove again. Burned Man's team it is!

Ruin fires off her hatelasers to bring the light level back to acceptable thresholds, and the fight begins in earnest.

The fight is pretty much exactly the same as it was: Kill the Anchorman when he snares a party member, and gradually grind the crew down with bug bites. This fight is a fucking grind, with each member of the party doing what they can to hammer this team of unpleasant fucks into submission.

Finally, MacReady lands a brutal strike from his doggo, dealing damage and applying bleed. Bleed and Blight is very good against this boss, both to mitigate his constant healing and since he takes two turns it can help add things up in a hurry if the group keeps pressure on.

Alex does her part by poisoning the boss; between her and MacReady, the bulk of the boss's HP gets torn away in little chunks as Ruin mitigates damage and Burned Man butchers the Anchorman when the Crew summons it. The group is still being hammered, however, even with Ruin's Hand of Light taking a lot of bite out of this guy's offense. His Bleeds are go fuck yourself tier.

Chunk by chunk, meter by bloody meter, the group continues to hammer away at the fiend, with the constant flow of bleeds and blights tearing his HP gluttonously away.

Burned Man then delivers the coup de grace.

Back in town, the bosses have all fallen.
Every last one.

There is only one section of the estate grounds that remains unexplored: A lingering malignancy that has glowered at us since we first set foot in the hamlet.

That which lurks beyond the Ruins. Are you all ready?

 

[RJ MacReady]

If Alestorm couldn't stop us, nobody can!

 

[Jaimas]

We have an important decision to make.

The missions ahead will be more dangerous than anything we've ever faced before. We will be entering the very heart of the beast, as it were, and survival is not guaranteed.

One of our teams must volunteer for the first excursion into the Darkest Dungeon.

 

[Techpriest]

I helped to take out a Shambler on my first expedition, I'm confident my team can RIP AND TEAR our way to victory.

 

[Sable]

I dunno if I'm built for DD excursions, but if the other members chosen mesh, choose GR Sable.

All I know for sure about that dungeon is the length and the amount of SAN damage. Still, the place must be explored, to absolve the Ancestor of his sins. Or to shoot the darkness, fuck if I know.

 

[Jaimas]

@Techpriest and @Sable are both part of the same team.

We have our volunteers.

 

[Solzhenitsyn]

If we're called, we answer.

 

[Ravelord]

I volunteer for the second mission. For coverage reasons. Heh.

 

[Meowthkip]

You can always count on me, Mon Capitane.

 

[alex_theman]

Glad to help.

 

[Jaimas]

Let's discuss this new area we're about to explore.

This thing is nothing like anything we've ever faced. Most attacks you take will induce stress, and attacks that specifically cause stress will cause huge amounts of it. Every single attack will hurt like hell, every blight and bleed does at least four damage, and every encounter has a better than break-even chance of causing a TPK if RNGesus abandons you at an inopportune time.

You can't easily run from encounters in this area, either. You can flee, but if an escape fails, a party member will die to protect the rest of the group as they flee (unless there's only one party member left, obviously). You can't withdraw from most fights, and the final quest of this last four cannot be run from at all; these quests, like the battle for the Hamlet, are to the death.

Once again, the stars are right and the manor sits at the very epicenter of cosmic unrest. Cultists rally to their twisted idols and great gongs sound in anticipation of the coming sacrifices. Far below, life-laden shadows pulse to the unrelenting rhythm of a beating heart.

The blood of the fallen flows ever downwards along these titanic spires. The creature fattens itself upon your failures.

And so it begins: @Varg Did Nothing Wrong, @lolwut, @Sable, and @Techpriest head into a pit filled with eldritch monstrousities leading into the bowels of the world. Their objective: Reclaiming a series of torch icons - holy artifacts capable of resisting the sanity-blasting madness of the horrors that lurk in this dark realm. In order to ensure that the future excursions have a shot, one team must plumb the depths first.

Stalking through the plazas of this hellish otherworld, the group quickly comes upon a group of cultists who worship whatever crawling madness lurks down here. Once human, these abominations are overtaken with some sort of unearthly growth, studded with eyes, that shrieks, growls, and blinks of its own accord. The only upside: These clowns are the only enemies down here with no offensive capability whatsoever. They will only bodyguard other enemies or cannibalistically heal themselves or their compatriots. The team takes advantage of this to patch up and heal between rounds as their advance through the depths continues.

Another cultist appears before us, shrouded by an ominous hooded mantle.

What lurks inside is anything but natural.

Soon we encounter some familiar faces. Great, right? Nice to see some enemies that we at least recogniz--

OH GOD WHY

WHY IS IT ALL TENTACLES

Showing that the enemy is not the only one capable of tentacle rape, however, Techpriest screams something in Russian and clears a path. Our team pushes on, through horror and loathing, demolishing these cultist forces as they advance.

The architecture of this place is unsettling as hell. everything about it feels unclean, and every section of it seems to shimmer with a horrid life all its own.

Everything here has been replaced with these gold-tinged, elite versions of what we've killed time and time again. This cultist witch is anything but a normal entity under it all. Worse, she loves to target characters already high in stress. What an asshole.

After settling down to rest for the night, Sable tells terrible jokes and Techpriest chugs like an entire thermos full of vodka. Varg and Lolwut go over the battle plan, as the enemy lies just ahead and there can be no hesitation in the fights to come. Our team advances onwards in pursuit of the sacred icons (and a hefty paycheck in the name of Salamanca, in Lolwut's case).

We're almost there. We're close.

Unfortunately, the screening troops posted by the boss drive Varg Paranoid as multiple Cultist Witches skyrocket his stress. There can be no retreat now, though, and Varg keeps his good eye open, nervously, as the team advances into the next chamber.

This is it. This is the boss. It's a familiar face for this team - everyone in this squad has killed this menace once.

The Shuffling Horror is a corrupted version of the already-terrifying Shambler. As the name implies, it loves to throw your party into disarray. Ironically, it's not the major source of damage; that fucking priest is. However, every time he's killed, the Shuffling Horror will revive it. What this boils down to is rather akin to the Shambler fights before it - a rushdown fight, in which the Horror has to be killed before its minions can wreck your shit.

The team wastes no time and immediately gets to work, as the Horror and his Priest spam ludicrously powerful bleeds.

The group rapidly starts to succumb to the huge number of bleeds they get hit with. Even Techpriest's ludicrous healing can't take the edge off, because he keeps being dragged to the front row an Varg pushed to the back! Strike after strike, the group keeps hammering away only to be scattered once more and trying to pick up the pieces. The fight is neck and neck, and the one of these two groups is going to die.

Finally, a lucky shot.

Lolwut lands a harsh blow and tears the fucker in half, as is his way.

The beast lies dead - but half the team is bleeding out or at death's door, and there's no way to guarantee they won't be obliterated by the priest on the turn to come with Death Lash.

The team takes the chance.
They retreat.

The gambit pays off - and nobody dies.

With the boss dead, they lose out on an ancestral trinket chance, but since I already got all of those from punching the Shambler in the dick so many times, no harm done.

Back in town, the success means that the previous team came back victorious - inspiring everyone in the hamlet. Jubliant throngs cheer the success, even as what seems to be a celestial convergence event takes place. Everyone sheds all stress. Even the team that was sent out. They walked straight into the devil's mouth - and emerged battered, but alive.

But not unscarred, it seems....

Did you see it? With the veil peeling back, we're starting to violently hallucinate as the madness here effects us as well. Hero faces get temporarily replaced by screaming mouths. Somtimes you suspect that the townsfolk might be corrupted in and of themselves. How much of it is real, and how much of it is you losing your shit is a matter of conjecture.

Three missions left.

 

[Sable]

Huzzah for not being consumed by the dungeon!

All those extra gibbering mouths just gave the party an extra source of teeth to punch out.

Now you might say 'Overconfidence is a slow and insidious killer.' Slower killers mean that characters like @lolwut have more time to axe your fucking face off.

 

[Burned Man]

My life is yours to spend as you see fit Jaimas, only spend it wisely.

 

[lolwut]

Those cultists think they're tough shit, showing off their corruption under their hoods. Gods help them if I ever take my helmet off:

 

[Jaimas]

The second team enters the dungeon: Their intent being to light several torches and forcibly rouse the thing under the estate early - so we can kill its ass. @Ravelord, @Randall Fragg, @KidKitty, and the ever-industrious @c-no get the call.

The thing has no name - for it needs no language. Nevertheless, those who would submit to its wordless will are rewarded, in a fashion. The creature's blessings are as repulsive as they are robust. Twisted, half-human monstrosities stalk the flesh-ridden halls, protecting their gestating god.

The trinkets we got last mission - the Iron Torches - provide complete immunity to a skill used by several minibosses that lurk in this hellhole. If not blocked, this skill does insane damage and is enough to overload a stress gauge in 2-3 hits. Since the bosses of this hell tend to waste turns using this skill, these are very useful items indeed.

However, we have only three. Someone must go without. KidKitty tells the others he will be the one to go without protection, arguing that if Ravelord can't protect the party then what the fuck is he even here for. This team has grown mighty, over the course of the campaign - a far cry from when they were a team of rookies, struggling to fist-fight Tyce's skeletons.

But things have changed here, and as we go deeper....

Madness made flesh! It crawls steadily upwards from the pit, supported by the lattice of cyclopean pillars.

We have entered the land of 10,000 NOPEs. The walls blink, shudder, and scream of their own accord. Tentacled... Things stretch upwards into the sky like twisted willow trees blowing in an unseen breeze. A hideous red miasma cloaks everything down here, making it smell of meat and gore. After Randall makes terrible jokes, asking if anyone else is hungry, the group advances.

Encounters here are comparatively light, and an interesting quirk about this dungeon is that it's actually fixed in layout - indeed, all the Darkest Dungeon missions are. You might think this would make the missions easier, but in fact, the opposite is true; for the most part, each one has a very specific, very straightforward path. The first one is shaped like a double-helix, the second one a series of rings with a miniboss and objective at the tops and bottoms.

Finally, after a short trip, we arrive at the first set of guardians: The Templars.

The Templars are one of - if not the - toughest battle in the game that isn't an outright boss fight or the Shambler. These guys are fucking assholes, with enormous offense, two turns each, and a surprisingly high amount of HP. Both variants of these sick monstrousities pack terrifying blights and bleeds. The Templar Impaler (the one with the green tail) has a poison stab that does huge damage and inflicts a 10 damage/round blight; it also uses body slam, whcih may stun. The Warlord, on the right, has a tail that shoots a devastating spike that does damage, blights, and inflicts a nasty bleed, and Doomsday, which hits everyone for moderate damage and blights all of them. Woe betide the party if these assclowns get crits.

Thankfully C-No is having none of their shit and with an inarticulate scream of rage, he immediately rips about a fourth of the Warlord's health away. Wgah'nagl fhtagn indeed, good sir.

This is Revelation. If you don't have a Torch equipped, it can deal upwards of 30 damage and 40 stress. If it gets a crit, it can both knock a player to Death's Door and break their minds in one go. Thankfully, Kid wasn't wrong, and Ravelord tanks for the Jester like a champ, keeping him safe as Kid works his jams with the sickle and rips open arteries and bursts organs.

Though the team is well-prepared for this fight, these scorpion-like horrors do not cut them any slack. Showers of bone shards and explosions of gore puncture both sides as the team hits the beasts with everything they have.

In an effort to bring this fight low, Randall rushes to the front and assumes his demonic form, getting ready to wreck some possessed shit.

The Templars stand fast, however, and every strike meets more resistance.

Finally the protracted bleeds from KidKitty take their toll, and in a surprise move, the Jester lunges forward and rips his sickle through the helmet of the Warlord, tearing it free in a grotesque arterial spray, cackling like a psychopath and shouting that none of these faggots are the equal to what the Kiwis have already fought.

Fragg sends the Impaler screaming to its eternal reward soonafter. The group successfully ignites the beacon with the Hand of Glory, and elects to camp here for the night.

That night, at the campfire, KidKitty plays his teammates a song, to get their mind off the horror.

Huddled together in the campsite, the group goes over their battle plans for tomorrow: The group will reach the next beacon, kill anything guarding it, light it, and move northward to make camp. If everything goes as planned, the team will be able to finish this mission within 2 days, with supplies to spare. After some medical treatment by C-No to tend KidKitty's accidentally taking a shotgun-blast of bone shards to the chest, Ravelord gives the group their marching orders and the team moves out.

Enemy opposition is picking up, as if the very ground were trying to get in the way. The team gives nary a fuck, and is quick to press on, slices from Kid and C-No's wicked knives and brutal blows from Randall's chains and Ravelord's mace help us move forward.

It isn't long before we reach our next target.

This Impaler brought Polyps - hideous flying growths that pack nasty poison effects and marking for good measure. They last less than a round between a critical hit from Kidkitty, Blight from Randall vomiting all over them, and C-No's tentacles turning them into a great impression of someone's fetish.

Three rounds later, C-No ends the fight with a dagger to the face. Compared to that first nightmare of a fight this one was easy.

The second Hand of Glory is placed. One to go.

The following night has the group set up camp in the very entryway they started in; the sleep is easier here, perhaps because they can see the way out. Sadly, the group is not able to go home yet - there's one more Hand of Glory to face. C-No then chimes in and asks who the others think the prettiest girl in the Kiwi Farms' employ is. KidKitty immediately declares that @Feline Darkmage is the cutest, while Randall argues that @Cynical is in fact the cutest. Ravelord, being considerably more practical, asks what the fuck this has to do with anything. The motion is sustained and the night resolves without incident.

More annoyances get in the way. The group advances nonetheless with periodic breaks to heal up or destress.

The group then finds another satchel full of goodies, fights for it, and wins.

Finally, at the end of another long trip, we encounter a pair of Flesh Hounds and another Warlord. These little shits are the Rabid Gnashers of the Darkest Dungeon; fast, high crit rate, and they love to fuck with you. Unlike the Gnashers, these assholes will use an attack called fetch to stun a character and pull them up front, where they'll be easy prey. Despite initially dragging KidKitty to the front this way, the fight goes quickly, with the team pummeling the Templar's bodyguards into sludge. This prevents him from shooting this battle, and the rest of the fight goes comparatively quickly.

A crushing blow from Ravelord puts an end to the beast, and the final beacon is lit! With this the Kiwis have completed their second vicious foray into the horrors of this final dungeon.

Two missions remain.

 

[Feline Darkmage]

KidKitty immediately declares that @Feline Darkmage is the cutest,

@KidKitty

 

[c-no]

The second team enters the dungeon: Their intent being to light several torches and forcibly rouse the thing under the estate early - so we can kill its ass. @Ravelord, @Randall Fragg, @KidKitty, and the ever-industrious @c-no get the call.

The thing has no name - for it needs no language. Nevertheless, those who would submit to its wordless will are rewarded, in a fashion. The creature's blessings are as repulsive as they are robust. Twisted, half-human monstrosities stalk the flesh-ridden halls, protecting their gestating god.

The trinkets we got last mission - the Iron Torches - provide complete immunity to a skill used by several minibosses that lurk in this hellhole. If not blocked, this skill does insane damage and is enough to overload a stress gauge in 2-3 hits. Since the bosses of this hell tend to waste turns using this skill, these are very useful items indeed.

However, we have only three. Someone must go without. KidKitty tells the others he will be the one to go without protection, arguing that if Ravelord can't protect the party then what the fuck is he even here for. This team has grown mighty, over the course of the campaign - a far cry from when they were a team of rookies, struggling to fist-fight Tyce's skeletons.

But things have changed here, and as we go deeper....

Madness made flesh! It crawls steadily upwards from the pit, supported by the lattice of cyclopean pillars.

We have entered the land of 10,000 NOPEs. The walls blink, shudder, and scream of their own accord. Tentacled... Things stretch upwards into the sky like twisted willow trees blowing in an unseen breeze. A hideous red miasma cloaks everything down here, making it smell of meat and gore. After Randall makes terrible jokes, asking if anyone else is hungry, the group advances.

Encounters here are comparatively light, and an interesting quirk about this dungeon is that it's actually fixed in layout - indeed, all the Darkest Dungeon missions are. You might think this would make the missions easier, but in fact, the opposite is true; for the most part, each one has a very specific, very straightforward path. The first one is shaped like a double-helix, the second one a series of rings with a miniboss and objective at the tops and bottoms.

Finally, after a short trip, we arrive at the first set of guardians: The Templars.

The Templars are one of - if not the - toughest battle in the game that isn't an outright boss fight or the Shambler. These guys are fucking assholes, with enormous offense, two turns each, and a surprisingly high amount of HP. Both variants of these sick monstrousities pack terrifying blights and bleeds. The Templar Impaler (the one with the green tail) has a poison stab that does huge damage and inflicts a 10 damage/round blight; it also uses body slam, whcih may stun. The Warlord, on the right, has a tail that shoots a devastating spike that does damage, blights, and inflicts a nasty bleed, and Doomsday, which hits everyone for moderate damage and blights all of them. Woe betide the party if these assclowns get crits.

Thankfully C-No is having none of their shit and with an inarticulate scream of rage, he immediately rips about a fourth of the Warlord's health away. Wgah'nagl fhtagn indeed, good sir.

This is Revelation. If you don't have a Torch equipped, it can deal upwards of 30 damage and 40 stress. If it gets a crit, it can both knock a player to Death's Door and break their minds in one go. Thankfully, Kid wasn't wrong, and Ravelord tanks for the Jester like a champ, keeping him safe as Kid works his jams with the sickle and rips open arteries and bursts organs.

Though the team is well-prepared for this fight, these scorpion-like horrors do not cut them any slack. Showers of bone shards and explosions of gore puncture both sides as the team hits the beasts with everything they have.

In an effort to bring this fight low, Randall rushes to the front and assumes his demonic form, getting ready to wreck some possessed shit.

The Templars stand fast, however, and every strike meets more resistance.

Finally the protracted bleeds from KidKitty take their toll, and in a surprise move, the Jester lunges forward and rips his sickle through the helmet of the Warlord, tearing it free in a grotesque arterial spray, cackling like a psychopath and shouting that none of these faggots are the equal to what the Kiwis have already fought.

Fragg sends the Impaler screaming to its eternal reward soonafter. The group successfully ignites the beacon with the Hand of Glory, and elects to camp here for the night.

That night, at the campfire, KidKitty plays his teammates a song, to get their mind off the horror.

Huddled together in the campsite, the group goes over their battle plans for tomorrow: The group will reach the next beacon, kill anything guarding it, light it, and move northward to make camp. If everything goes as planned, the team will be able to finish this mission within 2 days, with supplies to spare. After some medical treatment by C-No to tend KidKitty's accidentally taking a shotgun-blast of bone shards to the chest, Ravelord gives the group their marching orders and the team moves out.

Enemy opposition is picking up, as if the very ground were trying to get in the way. The team gives nary a fuck, and is quick to press on, slices from Kid and C-No's wicked knives and brutal blows from Randall's chains and Ravelord's mace help us move forward.

It isn't long before we reach our next target.

This Impaler brought Polyps - hideous flying growths that pack nasty poison effects and marking for good measure. They last less than a round between a critical hit from Kidkitty, Blight from Randall vomiting all over them, and C-No's tentacles turning them into a great impression of someone's fetish.

Three rounds later, C-No ends the fight with a dagger to the face. Compared to that first nightmare of a fight this one was easy.

The second Hand of Glory is placed. One to go.

The following night has the group set up camp in the very entryway they started in; the sleep is easier here, perhaps because they can see the way out. Sadly, the group is not able to go home yet - there's one more Hand of Glory to face. C-No then chimes in and asks who the others think the prettiest girl in the Kiwi Farms' employ is. KidKitty immediately declares that @Feline Darkmage is the cutest, while Randall argues that @Cynical is in fact the cutest. Ravelord, being considerably more practical, asks what the fuck this has to do with anything. The motion is sustained and the night resolves without incident.

More annoyances get in the way. The group advances nonetheless with periodic breaks to heal up or destress.

The group then finds another satchel full of goodies, fights for it, and wins.

Finally, at the end of another long trip, we encounter a pair of Flesh Hounds and another Warlord. These little shits are the Rabid Gnashers of the Darkest Dungeon; fast, high crit rate, and they love to fuck with you. Unlike the Gnashers, these assholes will use an attack called fetch to stun a character and pull them up front, where they'll be easy prey. Despite initially dragging KidKitty to the front this way, the fight goes quickly, with the team pummeling the Templar's bodyguards into sludge. This prevents him from shooting this battle, and the rest of the fight goes comparatively quickly.

A crushing blow from Ravelord puts an end to the beast, and the final beacon is lit! With this the Kiwis have completed their second vicious foray into the horrors of this final dungeon.

Two missions remain.

Two missions left? Whose gonna go and face the final boss then? That said, nice to the fact the party I'm in is able to withstand whats in the dungeon.

 

[RJ MacReady]

Two missions left? Whose gonna go and face the final boss then? That said, nice to the fact the party I'm in is able to withstand whats in the dungeon.

It'd make sense for the OGs to deal the final blow on this hellhole, but what matters is who has the best shot at winning.

In the meantime, me or @Solzhenitsyn still have a few wins left in us.

 

[Sable]

Ravelord has proven nito enough to endure the darkness and beat evil to death until it can do no more.

 

[Burned Man]

Is there any group better suited to dealing with this strange cultist bullshit then us, the people that watch the craziest, nastiest and strangest of people for fun? We Kiwis were made to fight this darkness. Who else could look upon the face of a necromancer and his skeleton army and laugh remembering the time we learned you can't blend a skeleton?