Elliot Page / Ellen Page - Former actress, starred in Juno. Turned into a pooner and divorced her wife because being a lesbian was not boosting her career anymore. Receives a daily dose of asspatting from Hollywood. Likes to show off her "male" body using fake abdominals.

[Peaches the Wonder Cat]

I'll write when I'm more in the mood to do it, I had a difficult time these last days, but it's not over. I can assure you.

Look on the bright side, it can't be worse than having a beaver chase you.

 

[TVB]

Look on the bright side, it can't be worse than having a beaver chase you.

Or even getting beaver fever for that matter

 

[Vulpes Mulpes]

Poor girl.

 

[Nicholas II of Russia]

Alright, we start chapter 13, this time is called Buckets. Ready, set and go. This is going to be a long one and I should probably split it into two parts, let me know if you want that format to avoid the chapter getting too long.

Ellen starts the chapter talking about her experience after shooting Whip It, after being in the shooting of a film that finally made her comfortable since the days of Juno, the reality of the life of Hollywood started to creep his way back on her.

Until she decided to search on the internet a place so she could stay and relax, away from the complicated life on Hollywood. And that's where she found a place in Eugene, Oregon. Called the Lost Valley.

What is Lost Valley? Apparently this is an education center for people to find help and wanting to be in contact with nature while trying to grow as a person. Basically, a place where hippies probably go and smoke a joint in the forest, probably.

Webpage - Archive

This is the objective of the center. Something that probably Ellen really wanted.

Sounds too good, but of course, they're also in the DEI bullshit. So of course Ellen would love to go there.

She decided to enter, and wanted Paula to go with her, and while she initially accepted, she would not go. And wanted to go back to Halifax, probably because she didn't want to bother with Ellen. Especially in a place that was in a forest.

And of course, this filled Ellen with anxiety and fear. Who would've thought that wanting to go to a education center would mean that you should meet and interact with complete strangers.

But then she remembered the words of her equally fucked in the head new friend, Drew Barrymore and then used that advice for her whole life.

She arrived that day to Portland, and when she managed to arrive to the place, she was filled with anxiety and terror, fortunately for her. E.T was in the TV, so that would ease her fears for a while, she mentions that E.T is one of her favorite movies of all time. She even mentions having E.T tattoed in her arm.

And then she lowkey confesses that her pooner name is because of the protagonist of the movie, Elliott. And for his first Halloween costume as a pooner was to dress up like him, kind of creepy.

She then talks about her experience in Oregon for the first time, reminding her of home, and then traveling to Lost Valley to stay there for the next weeks. A new world in the forest so she could relax.

She was warmly received by the people of the commune, but for some reason she really needed to add when she needed to poo and pee and how the smell entered the camp. Why was this in the book? Who knows. Also, is this why the chapter is called Buckets!? What the fuck, Ellen.

In here she started described how the location was, and the people that were there with her. It seems that this place seemed like a beautiful place considering how this is one of the few parts in the book where she can describe a place without confusing rambling, either that or she had another editor writing the stuff for her.

And for this moment in her life, she was completely fine with eating without having a mental breakdown over it, describing the vegetables as some of the best she ever had. Eating with the people on that place seemed to do a lot of good in her.

But every now and then she was reminded about having to come back to society sooner or later.

She even had a moment of brief anxiety when someone put the closing theme song for Juno in a small party. (Big fucking coincidence) And had to talk a little about her acting career, but it seems that this didn't bothered her very much.

And she was comfortable having people that really cared about the Earth and climate change. It reminded her when people who used to called friends tended to mock her over that. Which in an instance that I'm sure really happened, someone called her a "lesbian hippie". I really wish I was making that up. Why do you make fun of you so easily, Ellen?

She started to be healthy in Lost Valley and enjoyed her experience there, having a proper sleep schedule, waking up to the roosters, this could be a nice reading if not for the fact that she starts talking about urinating in buckets again, why would you make me imagine yourself urinating, Ellen? Don't be disgusting. And then she started sperging about climate change again. And she had a crisis about how she should've known about information about gardening.

And then she had a moment of epiphany, the materialistic stuff is what it was overwhelming to her. Ellen loved this lifestyle.

After giving a lecture on what Permaculture means which I skipped, in the camp she mentions meeting someone, she instantly grew a connection with this person, which in a shocking turn of events, it was a man. Belonging on a groupcalled the WWOOFers.

He was called Ian, Ellen lowkey roasts him, calling him a manlet. And she inmediately wanted to go to Portland with him and went to a trip together to go to the city, Ellen wanted to see a woman she had a crush on.

They talked and talked and a profound connection grew between the two. However, in the most shocking part in the book, it didn't ended on them having sex, like every interaction with Ellen seems to end.

This chapter is taking way too long, so I'm ending this part for now, I will write the rest of it in the next post. What will happen to Ellen and Ian during their trip in Portland? Will they end up having sex? Will Ellen find her crush? Stay tuned.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

I'll write when I'm more in the mood to do it, I had a difficult time these last days, but it's not over. I can assure you.

Definitely focus on you. We’ll be here when you’re ready to post more chapters. Really appreciate you dumping/commenting it here.

Edit: saw you just posted the latest chapter! My sentiments are the same

In the meantime, the beaver photo dumps are another much welcome addition to this thread. I agree, @Procrastinhater , beavers are so goofy that I can’t help but smile at them. Ellen only sees the negativity in her existence so she sees femur breaking monsters while the average person can’t help but go daww at this

 

[deermeat]

Never read the book and tbh don't know her life story that well, but I'm curious. She's a lesbian, right? Not bi? She seems to be hanging around other dudes a lot post transition and I wonder if it's simply platonic fun.
Not saying girls can't hang out with dudes, all my friends irl rn are men. But these don't seem to be ordinary working class men, they're Hollywood roaches. That type of breed. I doubt any woman is safe around those freaks.

 

[Crex Crex]

Ellen only sees the negativity in her existence so she sees femur breaking monsters

To be fair, Ellen is barely even larger than a beaver.

 

[Procrastinhater]

And then she lowkey confesses that her pooner name is because of the protagonist of the movie, Elliott.

Oh course it fucking is. She's starting to make sense to me. Don't get me wrong, she's as crazy as a shit hous rat Bobr, but I'm starting to understand the crazy.

Sounds too good, but of course, they're also in the DEI bullshit.

It was sounding pretty cool too. Fucking Hippies.

She was warmly received by the people of the commune, but for some reason she really needed to add when she needed to poo and pee and how the smell entered the camp. Why was this in the book? Who knows. Also, is this why the chapter is called Buckets!? What the fuck, Ellen.

Fucking gross Pooners can't not be gross.

She started to be healthy in Lost Valley

She should have stayed with the fucking Hippy shitbags and not gone back to Hollyweird. Maybe she wouldn't have lost what remains of her sanity and cut her tits off and renamed herself after the goofy kid from fucking ET.

Spoiler: Almost forgot Bober

 

[Trianon]

Saying her OCD about climate change was a way of alleviating her own guilt is pretty insightful, but she continues this pattern with race, sexuality, and now gender, making everyone feel bad when we aren't focused on her pet issues.

 

[Kari Kamiya]

She even mentions having E.T tattoed in her arm.

Are there pics of this?

 

[Nicholas II of Russia]

Are there pics of this?

I didn't seem to find one, but there are articles that mention it...

Instead, I found this and my GOD, what kind of tattoos are these?! It looks like she grabbed a magic marker and just wrote in her arm.

 

[Reaper Thirteen]

So.....life size funkos? Cool!!

You have no idea how much this comment cheered me up, I really needed a good laugh! And @Nicholas II of Russia you have no idea how much better it is to read the book with your commentary. Hope things get better soon and don't rush yourself.

 

[Nicholas II of Russia]

You have no idea how much this comment cheered me up, I really needed a good laugh! And @Nicholas II of Russia you have no idea how much better it is to read the book with your commentary. Hope things get better soon and don't rush yourself.

Thank you, it means a lot reading people like my commentary. It certainly helps to keep me motivated reading this book, I appreciate it a lot.

 

[Trianon]

Thank you, it means a lot reading people like my commentary. It certainly helps to keep me motivated reading this book, I appreciate it a lot.

I am imagining Nicky Romanov reading Pageboy and getting increasingly concerned about his daughters if the commie future comes to pass. We failed them!

 

[Nicholas II of Russia]

I am imagining Nicky Romanov reading Pageboy and getting increasingly concerned about his daughters if the commie future comes to pass. We failed them!

He would certainly make sure to reform the White Army the best he could if the commies promised this future. And obviously be there for her daughters so they didn't felt like their father is absent from their lives.

 

[JelloJerk]

This was a pretty nice chapter. First time I've felt immersed reading the excerpts of the book. Ah, to be a rich faggot and have the ability to drop everything to join a hippie commune where you eat all organic veg and get up with a rooster's call.

Also, is she basically admitting to cheating on that last part? She wanted to visit a woman she had a crush on while being in a relationship as well? I would say it's almost double cheating since she says that she's practically in love with this Ian guy, but is she saying that he's gay as well?

EDIT: I almost forgot. Bobr tax (srry 4 bad quality):

 

[Dromedary]

Thank you, it means a lot reading people like my commentary. It certainly helps to keep me motivated reading this book, I appreciate it a lot.

I really enjoy and appreciate your excerpts, they help a great deal in understanding this unfortunate madwoman. Thank you. You do great work.

 

[Tragon Dirtle]

This sounds so healthy! She gets so many chances to exit hollywood for a stable emotionally supportive lifestyle and just keeps not taking them. Whyy. But I am surprised to read that it's so earthy because I do see Ellen as really urban. Like she's like a handbag dog in that she is a dog but she doesn't remember how to dog any more, only handbag.

Also she says 'our queerness' for her and Ian which is kind of funny when she keeps calling him a WWOOFER Woofter is slang for a gay man in the UK, so only one letter off.
Honestly does kind of feed my new schizo theory that she's skinwalking Leo Dicaprio though although this is probably before they met? I'm always confused by the timeline. Maybe she has been skinwalking him a long time because he is probably the most famous child actor made good ever.

The other thing is the people who've never met you but know who you are is way more likely to happen in Hollywood than in a hippy camp? and would have already happened to her but she makes it sound like this is the first time? or am I reading it wrong. Either way I don't think they put the song on because it had anything to do with Juno.

If she is so into environmentalism I would like to know why she's never made a thing out of it like the travel series she did out of being gay. And it does sound like this place was really good for her so I really want to know why she left. Why did you leave, Ellen?? Also I'm a bit confused about Paula because Paula just leaves and then she's visiting a woman she has a crush on? so she was nurturing a crush while with Paula and Paula leaving is basically no big deal?

Are there pics of this?

It's not of ET, it's of the quote ET phone home but changed to EP which suggests Ellen originally related more to ET the alien than the little boy (and would be less creepy.) The other two are C Keens and Wiig for her friends, and BB I don't know but she did call herself a 'trans bb' in the abs post original caption so it might be that.
Also it's actually a really common sign of a personality disorder, specifically BPD, to feel disconnected from others and can't understand social norms and end up 'feeling like an alien'. I also think the sort of relief and focus she gets out of composting her urine is really similar to OCD contamination fear which can overlap with loads of different mental conditions ... it reminds me of when she said a voice started telling her not to eat things or she's going to die but the reverse of that. It's very similar.

Can't wait to find out why she leaves if it was so great! I guess if it's expensive because it's california and it's about money that would be forgivable but there's probably a more stupid reason.

 

[Reaper Thirteen]

Oh the suspense! I kind of want to buy a mini life size Ellen pop funko now for a laugh but there's no self service so I'm too embarrassed.

 

[Nicholas II of Russia]

Second part of Buckets, Ian and Ellen arrive in Portland. Ellen mentions wanting to meet a woman that in her own words confesses being a crush, despite the fact she was with someone during the same time. What could this possibly mean for her?

The woman apparently was a enviromentalist just as her, having her own little piece of haven, and was a talented farmer. Again mentioning shit and piss in buckets, this time with a good motive, because it mentions that this combination makes the best manure. She apparently learned a lot about gardening here.

Carrie was her name. And Ellen does a better job descibing her in the book for now a lot better than she did her own girlfriend at the time, Paula. Which is kind of terrible in her part, Paula is treated like a footnote for the most part. The part that united them both was their self-mysery.

She even goes as far as confessing this in the book.

The next day, they visited a refugee for hobos, talking about how the place was thriving because of the donations they were receiving and how the permaculture was helping the place to be improved, making the life of the people living in the streets a lot easier.

And then she proceeds to throw flowers to his friend Ian a lot more, again, taking a moment to write him in a better light than he does with Paula. Also, she mentions for the first time her casting in the X-Men movie, she then was groomed to believe she was privileged because le white supremacy. She then mentioned how after school, she became a bookworm, reading everything she could.

During the end of their trip, Ellen became inspired after hearing a song of the radio, made by Emiliana Torrini called Fireheads.

She then reflectioned about how that song was the beginning point on the adventures they would have together, it was a pretty strong start.

But sadly, the happy part of the chapter slowly goes away, because she finally starts talking about Paula as well. The part about her non-chalantly talking about intentionally become more distant of her is kind of despicable. Saying this as a person who went through a moment like this, is awful that this came from Ellen.

But then she wents back to talking about Lost Valley again. This time about learning more farming crafts.

And then, finally talks about her end during the stay in Lost Valley, after a long time staying there, they would start a talent show between all of the people, and of course to fill her pooner stereotype, she decided to disguise as Kurt Cobain. (Considering how he ended his life, seems appropiate.)

With the way he talks about Ian in this chapter, I once again repeat how much I'm surprised about how they didn't have sex at one point.

And then, the moment of the farewell of the group. I got to admit that I felt really bad for her in this part, since I can sympathize the kind of pain she's getting through here. Saying goodbye is hard, especially with someone as emotionably unstable as her.

The return of the shithole called California was terrible, but at least according to her, she found new strenght to endure the hell that is the life in Hollywood.

She then ends the chapter with this reflection, of course it is about Ian. The sexual tension in this part is palpable, but it seems to have cherished memories in this part. If you read this without context, you would think that Ian is his boyfriend now. But she insists that they're friends.

This chapter is probably the best one so far, since she puts the tranny part aside for a fucking moment in the book, doesn't talk about her horrible sexual experiences and doesn't do a schizo rambling for filling parts of the book. She talks about a experience living in the woods and how it did a good job for her to discover herself during those times, making new friendships and learning new things for herself. Probably is the happiest chapter of the book, and again, makes her pooning out a lot more tragic, because it perfectly describes how she needed mental help, or at the very least, her desire to move away from the spotlight and Hollywood this early in her career.