Facebook FB 11/12/2013 - Chris apologizes for everything

[Coldgrip]

I think this is just Chris throwing around words in an attempt to get people to pity him/give him sympathy/collect asspats.

I hope people give him sympathy and not asspats.

I don't think he needs sympathy. What he needs is people to tell him the truth and quit telling him that things will be alright if he just keeps doing what he's doing.

 

[CWCissey]

Here's hoping Matt Stufano is now going around to 14 Branchland with a blunt weapon of some kind...

 

[The Dude]

I think this is just Chris throwing around words in an attempt to get people to pity him/give him sympathy/collect asspats.

I hope people give him sympathy and not asspats.

I don't think he needs sympathy. What he needs is people to tell him the truth and quit telling him that things will be alright if he just keeps doing what he's doing.

Agreed. Sympathy can only get a person so far, and only in the short term. Chris needs the people closest to him to tell him "no, you're wrong and you need to grow up and take responsibility for your life, not expect someone else to fix it for you." With Chris being in contact with people from his past on Facebook the chances of this happening have increased. Someone is going to finally get fed up with his pity party, tell him off, then defriend him. Then it might finally make him take stock of his life and actions.

Yeah, right...who am I fooling?

 

[Venusaur]

He replied to Stufano?
What did he s-

That is easy for you to say; your heart does not feel triple-flattened into a void of deepest sadness after losing the only closest friends you had ever before moving on into a failure of an "adulthood". Seriously, UNLESS, I actually, FINALLY, find IN PERSON and fall in love with a pretty or beautiful, and Truly Compassionate and Caring, woman who will Have To make the first move and everything, because after ALL of the emotional damage I have experienced, it will take a Honest and Truthful LOT to win me over. And I just feel total lack of true positivity, so ONLY in person consoling can help me even a smidge

Oh. Wow.
So the usual.

 

[The Dude]

He replied to Stufano?
What did he s-

That is easy for you to say; your heart does not feel triple-flattened into a void of deepest sadness after losing the only closest friends you had ever before moving on into a failure of an "adulthood". Seriously, UNLESS, I actually, FINALLY, find IN PERSON and fall in love with a pretty or beautiful, and Truly Compassionate and Caring, woman who will Have To make the first move and everything, because after ALL of the emotional damage I have experienced, it will take a Honest and Truthful LOT to win me over. And I just feel total lack of true positivity, so ONLY in person consoling can help me even a smidge

Oh. Wow.
So the usual.

Typical self-centered Chris. He's the only one in the world who gets sad or has problems stressing him out. Stufano could be dealing with a wife who left him, a child who has a terminal illness, a parent who just passed on, lost his job and now he doesn't know where his next meal is coming from...none of that is as bad as Chris getting teased on the internet, can't find a girlfriend and found out that his high school friends just let him hang out with them out of pity.

 

[Venusaur]

Typical self-centered Chris. He's the only one in the world who gets sad or has problems stressing him out. Stufano could be dealing with a wife who left him, a child who has a terminal illness, a parent who just passed on, lost his job and now he doesn't know where his next meal is coming from...none of that is as bad as Chris getting teased on the internet, can't find a girlfriend and found out that his high school friends just let him hang out with them out of pity.

Yeah, his inablity to truly care about other folks is why he has such rotten luck in the friend department. Speaking of that, he must be extremely lonely. He seems to be very insistant about "in person" contact. Neverming that most of his "friends" live nowhere near him. What does he want them to do? Roadtrip just to see him in a McDonalds, or in front of his garbage filled house? He really needs to joing a local club or something and start trying to make friends at the meetings.

EDIT: I don't want to make an extra post for this. Just a thought. He's so desperate for a sweetheart still, but... Somebody should really talk to him about how some people never get sweethearts: http://www.theguardian.com/world/2011/s ... -bachelors

 

[soIregistered]

In reference to:

" Seriously, UNLESS, I actually, FINALLY, find IN PERSON and fall in love with a pretty or beautiful, and Truly Compassionate and Caring, woman who will Have To make the first move and everything, because after ALL of the emotional damage I have experienced, it will take a Honest and Truthful LOT to win me over. And I just feel total lack of true positivity, so ONLY in person consoling can help me even a smidge."

Wow. I mean...is he ever going to realize that he will never, ever have a hot girlfriend? It is not going to happen. Guys that are 6s and 7s don't even end up with hot girls all the time. Chris's personality and his disgusting diet and hygiene have him at a solid 2. It's never going to sink in, is it? He has nothing to offer a Beautiful Heartsweet Galpal. Nothing. NOTHING. It is NEVER.GOING.TO.HAPPEN. If he would simply realize this and find himself a girl that's, well...special like he is...he could actually have someone. But no. No windows into hell, not for good ol' Chris. He deserves more. He deserves better. He deserves Angelina Jolie showing up at 14 Branchland Ct offering free blowjobs. I mean, why doesn't he deserve these things? He's CREATIVE!

LOWER THE STANDARDS. FIND A NICE OVERWEIGHT GIRL WHO HAS NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND. SETTLE. PEOPLE LIKE YOU NEED TO SETTLE, CHRIS!

 

[QI 541]

If he would simply realize this and find himself a girl that's, well...special like he is...he could actually have someone. But no. No windows into hell, not for good ol' Chris. He deserves more. He deserves better. He deserves Angelina Jolie showing up at 14 Branchland Ct offering free blowjobs. I mean, why doesn't he deserve these things? He's CREATIVE!

LOWER THE STANDARDS. FIND A NICE OVERWEIGHT GIRL WHO HAS NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND. SETTLE. PEOPLE LIKE YOU NEED TO SETTLE, CHRIS!

No one deserves Chris.

 

[Varis]

EDIT: I don't want to make an extra post for this. Just a though. He's so desperate for a sweetheart still, but... Somebody should really talk to him about how some people never get sweethearts: http://www.theguardian.com/world/2011/s ... -bachelors

China

Dammit Chris, what have you done to me!

 

[The Dude]

In reference to:

" Seriously, UNLESS, I actually, FINALLY, find IN PERSON and fall in love with a pretty or beautiful, and Truly Compassionate and Caring, woman who will Have To make the first move and everything, because after ALL of the emotional damage I have experienced, it will take a Honest and Truthful LOT to win me over. And I just feel total lack of true positivity, so ONLY in person consoling can help me even a smidge."

Wow. I mean...is he ever going to realize that he will never, ever have a hot girlfriend? It is not going to happen. Guys that are 6s and 7s don't even end up with hot girls all the time. Chris's personality and his disgusting diet and hygiene have him at a solid 2. It's never going to sink in, is it? He has nothing to offer a Beautiful Heartsweet Galpal. Nothing. NOTHING. It is NEVER.GOING.TO.HAPPEN. If he would simply realize this and find himself a girl that's, well...special like he is...he could actually have someone. But no. No windows into hell, not for good ol' Chris. He deserves more. He deserves better. He deserves Angelina Jolie showing up at 14 Branchland Ct offering free blowjobs. I mean, why doesn't he deserve these things? He's CREATIVE!

LOWER THE STANDARDS. FIND A NICE OVERWEIGHT GIRL WHO HAS NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND. SETTLE. PEOPLE LIKE YOU NEED TO SETTLE, CHRIS!

Totally agree. But remember, Chris thinks he's 6'2", 180, all muscle and sings like Ol' Blue Eyes. Delusions like that breed delusions that one deserves nothing but Emma Stone quality strange.

 

[Christ-Chan]

Chris doesn't have any real standards, he just thinks he does. When he says "pretty" what it translates to is something akin to "does not have a hook for a hand, is two feet tall or had her face melted in a fire".

Remember the hambeast? Not only did he agree to go on a date with her, he initiated it and told Kacey he thought his date qualified as pretty.
I don't want to sound mean, but he genuinely found her to be pretty and/or beautiful.

It's not only a matter of him playing fast and loose with his criteria, his standards are just way different from what he makes it sound like. He probably believes his standard is completely normal; I don't think he's actually "settling" when he agrees to date not-clasically-considered-beautiful women, he's just stoked.

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

it will take a Honest and Truthful LOT to win me over.

Chris has no understanding of economics, or demand, or commodity.

He has said many times how it will take a lot of work to win him over, but he doesn't get that no one has any incentive to want to win him over. Pretty girls who can get actual quality guys don't care about him because he offers nothing.

That's one of the genuinely weirdest things about the post. Chris's attitude for quite a while now has been that women must approach him, ask him out, and be willing to submit to an interview by his parent before he will allow her to date him, right? Thing of it is, women don't even bother to look at Chris, let alone ask him out. How do I know this? Simple. See, Chris himself has said so. Several times!

 

[CatParty]

wait, he thinks only his "adulthood" is a failure?

 

[Silver]

the hell does "triple-flattened" even mean? is it supposed to be a reference to the Unholy Trinity of Trolls?

A Honest and Truthful "LOT?" :?

I will be honest with you, Chris. I will tell you if you smell. I will tell you if you're being rude or inappropriate. Touching and talking about sex in public don't fly with me. I won't not put out on the first, the second or the third date. Or probably ever. But I will not yell. I will listen to what you have to say and then I will correct you. I will help you find the professional help you need. My patience is endless.

But all of that is meaningless because I'm not a supermodel.

From what I just read, your personality is worth much more than a supermodels body.

also yeah what count groudon said. good on ya haha

 

[Varis]

wait, he thinks only his "adulthood" is a failure?

Since this is Chris, I guess he means that he was happier as a child.
...when everybody held his hand and walked him through life.

 

[The Dude]

wait, he thinks only his "adulthood" is a failure?

Since this is Chris, I guess he means that he was happier as a child.
...when everybody held his hand and walked him through life.

Oh, you mean like the majority of his "adult" life? After all he IS an adult autistic child.

 

[Batman VS Tony Danza]

Could the triple-flattened remark mean he realizes all three of his HS galpals weren't really his friends? Well, as much as Chris can realize anything.

 

[Sakamoto]

Wow. I mean...is he ever going to realize that he will never, ever have a hot girlfriend? It is not going to happen.

I think he does realize it now, or he's starting to realize it anyway. Saying "UNLESS, I actually, FINALLY, find IN PERSON and fall in love with a pretty or beautiful, and Truly Compassionate and Caring, woman who will Have To make the first move and everything" is sort of like saying "if Hell freezes over" or "when pigs fly".

 

[Varis]

wait, he thinks only his "adulthood" is a failure?

Since this is Chris, I guess he means that he was happier as a child.
...when everybody held his hand and walked him through life.

Oh, you mean like the majority of his "adult" life? After all he IS an adult autistic child.

Pretty much. Chris still has, and will always have, the mentality of a child, and to me it seems like he doesn't know HOW to be an adult. He has an idea of what constitutes as a successful adult life, but no clue how to reach it. He is waiting for that boyfriend-free girl to come and tell him what to do, much like his parents put him through school.

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

Wow. I mean...is he ever going to realize that he will never, ever have a hot girlfriend? It is not going to happen.

I think he does realize it now, or he's starting to realize it anyway. Saying "UNLESS, I actually, FINALLY, find IN PERSON and fall in love with a pretty or beautiful, and Truly Compassionate and Caring, woman who will Have To make the first move and everything" is sort of like saying "if Hell freezes over" or "when pigs fly".

It's an extended version of his typical non-apology. Instead of "I'm giving you one last chance to give me the money!", Chris is actually telling the world "I'm angry with how my life turned out, so if you feel sorry for me, send me a gorgeous woman with no standards!!!"

What I always ask myself is, how does Chris not realize this doesn't work, and if it did, fucking EVERYONE would do it? "Yeah, this is ChurchOfGodBear, and my job sucks and I don't live in Maui. Here's what I expect in an ideal sexual partner, and the exact method by which I wish to achieve financial independence. I need both by Thursday.