How is the kiwi above you in bed?

Very cordial, intimate, and we still talk to each other from time to time.
 
Had a few drinks and remember waking chained up to the radiator. The sex was okay but I must imply this is not how you get laid on a first date sir. 8/10
 
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I rode his face into the sunset. He didn't seem too keen on the saddle strapped around his head...
 
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We had a romantic dinner at a lovely restaurant by the Seine, wine included.
Worth it :drink:
 
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Was waiting behind my apartment with a burlap bag. Made sure once he got me inside to buckle me in the passenger seat. Got to his palace and used me like a little meat puppet. And was even kind enough to let me order room service when he was done.
 
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Meat_Puppet said:
Was waiting behind my apartment with a burlap bag. Made sure once he got me inside to buckle me in the passenger seat. Got to his palace and used me like a little meat puppet. And was even kind enough to let me order room service when he was done.
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I found her in my basement when spring cleaning came along. She poped out of a box like solid snake and started to peg me with her dragon dildo. It was so tramatic. I couldnt finish Metal Gear Solid 5 because of my new phobia of boxes.
 
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Terrible! Just wears sweatpants and sleeps, completely disregarding the very specific requests I leave etched into the condensation on her bedroom window.
 
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For a jewels maker, he sure didn't have much expertise in making hard things...
 
Bedded me with fancy French-talk. Left me with a croissant in each of my orifices. Most of them were edible after use. Won't return my calls. Haunts my dreams.

So, excellent.
 
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I liked the sex and I thought I was going to love the breakfast in bed Ted gave me in the morning, but the distinctly ass-scented croissant was a real turn-off.
 
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She hated my sourdough chocolate-frosted croissants, but the sex was more obtainable than advertised. I coughed up a purple hairball afterwards. She refused to buy it back from me.

A++
 
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The fellatio wasn't good because he would not remove his goddamn burlap sack, but otherwise he had a nice ass and was very delicate. He gave me a gift basket when I left.
 
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