Lovequest Leaked Catie Texts

[Le Bateleur]

I need to send Chris a nice fruit basket one of these days for all the material he just gave me for "The Real Sonichu."

If anything, this just encapsulates the fantasy life Chris has built up for himself. Part of it was obviously escapism from his terrible upbringing, but Chris has shown that despite his understanding of this fact, he has continued to live in this delusion out of convenience and fully expects the rest of the world to adhere to his delusion. He speaks to her like he expects everything to play out like an episode of "Saved By the Bell," or something with a shitty electric keyboard backing during the emotional scenes. When things don't work out like this, he gets indignant at her, like she just broke character.

As for the seven-inch cock thing, this did not surprise me in the least. Chris is very opportunistic and has shown time and again to go far outside the boundaries of common sense to get what he wants. It's more and more obvious he's started this whole "I am a lesbian soul" thing because he really believes this is some Tenchi Muyo/ Ranma 1/2 bullshit where he thinks if he plays the part of a lesbian, more women will immediately become attracted to him and then would not be able to pull themselves away from his member, like some porno.

My only question is... Megan, Ivy, Jackie, Kacey, Wallflower, PandoHalo, Blanca, Julie, and now Catie. He said 10 Real or Theoretical Relationships... who am I forgetting?

Bailey Jay

 

[Objection!]

I need to send Chris a nice fruit basket one of these days for all the material he just gave me for "The Real Sonichu."

My only question is... Megan, Ivy, Jackie, Kacey, Wallflower, PandoHalo, Blanca, Julie, and now Catie. He said 10 Real or Theoretical Relationships... who am I forgetting?

Barb. You forgot Barb.

 

[MACH-IV]

Now, don't get me wrong, I know a thing or two about dicks. And one of those things is that in terms of dick, an inch is pretty damn noticeable.

So given that an inch is longer in dick inches than in imperial inches, two dick inches is pretty much a dick cubit. It's a considerable amount of length. To say his five-inch drake is two inches longer than what it is - that's just plain wrong, because two inches makes a lot of difference on a dick. "Near" anything doesn't mean shit when discussing the dick, especially when you take and send a picture of it.

yea I was joking. Who did he send the pic originally?

 

[Panzer IV]

Catie: But we aren't in a relationship. I told you that when we went bowling.

Was he good? Can catie tell us about the encounter? I just pictured chris like jesus in the big lebowski

 

[Coldgrip]

Chris: Right; we are a boy/girl and a girl friends in an open relationship.

Catie: No, we aren't in a relationship. You couldn't handle the open relationship you wanted in the first place.

Chris: You can't be telling me you've never felt that way about me mutually. I remember past events, and I have learned from the mistakes. I know you care about and Love me too.

Catie: It's platonic Chris. I'm not your sweetheart or your girlfriend. We're friends, that's all.

Chris: Yeah. But I still feel for you like that anyhow.

Even when told point blank that he's not in a relationship Chris still won't accept it. I can't think of a better example of his delusion then this.

 

[Lalala]

"If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will come to believe it."
Guess Chris got tired of being compared to Hitler and decided to be Goebbels instead. Except no one told him you're not meant to be telling the lie to yourself.

 

[LordCustos3]

But to me, the most interesting part (that hasn't been adressed yet) is this:
Chris seems to think that Catie 'took away' the relationship. She didn't stop feeling something for him or anything. She 'took it away'. She actively removed her feelings for him. Like it's a deliberate act just to piss him off or something. The cwcki mentions how Chris seems to think girls withhold any feelings Chris might deserve just to spite him.

Ah, but you must always remember, that "Took Away Our Relationship" is CWCspeak for "Render your Punany unto the Lord Mayor! It is not YOURS anymore. Godbear basically promised it to me. It said so in a dream. I need your punany to make Crystal."

So, for once it is not cocks being hoarded, but vag.
Christina'tard wants da twolls to stop hoarding the vag that he is supposed to scissor to make Crystal.
Or something.

TL;DR version:

 

[Thetan]

Jesus. I understand that chris would believe Catie was real, but how has snorlax convinced herself that her son is worth dating?

Well, Chris has been bringing up the "royalty" thing; an idea which was, no doubt planted by Barb.

I also think that this may be why Chris is suddenly peppering his speech with Brigish colloquialisms. Maybe he thinks it makes him seem more classy/regal or something.

 

[Marvin]

That we know of.

What we do know is that she got around. A LOT. And then if Cole asked about his father's real identity, to this day she probably would keep lying and say it was the wrong guy. What kind of a mother Barb is really can't be expressed more than how she lied about his own father for his entire life under her care and never felt remorse. And Chris has been shacked up with that crazy bitch for far longer since Cole literally got as fucking far away as continentally possible at 19.

We have no reason to believe Cole's story over Barb's.

 

[MrsFrizzle]

is that a birth defect or something? how does that happen?
I can think of several events in Christory that may have had something to do with it, but what is the medical terminology?

Peyronie's Disease. It has various causes, including childhood injury, but also genetic factors may be involved. I am not much of a Christorian, so I defer to those who are about whether Chris has ever seen a urologist about it (Chris should).

 

[Sweet and Savoury]

This is just a repeat of the Megan saga.

Fatty refuses to accept that a woman can say no to being his sweetheart.

Honestly he's heading down a really bad path.

 

[Lurkingjay]

There's something really sad to me about the fact that Chris seems to be aware of his mental state declining, even though he blames it on age (at 32!) instead of on a systematic retreat from society. The real bad craziness there is that he seems to believe the only socialization option he has is wuv, twoo wuv!, when there's actually a lot he could do for himself that doesn't involve being in a relationship at all. Getting hobbies that involve leaving the house, finding social groups, maybe even (gasp!) taking advantage of charitable activities for the disabled... just having any kind of social exposure gets Chris notably more lucid and happier, but he's decided that a girlfriend-as-Barb-replacement is the only option, so he's hamstrung himself. No wonder he seems to only be able to communicate in cartoon analogies these days.

Also, is it just me, or his referring to girlfriends or assumed-girlfriends as "(Name)-Heart" creepy as shit?

 

[DracoRincewind]

Catie: Hey, why do you keep calling me 'heartthrob'?

Chris: Well, Love, I Mean the word as an endearing term of Love, and it's another good choice word in regards to Sweetheart. But moreover, and I am serious: whenever I think of you, Catherine, I feel my heart beating better and more positive.

Catie: Okaaay but you shouldn't call me sweetheart or anything.

Chris: While I do understand that you and I are in the "Friend Zone" at the moment and while, for the needs of some of our closest ones at least, I have been feeling, and still feel, the most positive and passionate of love for you from our earliest conversations and growing continuing from there. Also, I know I can not change your mind, but I am still going to feel for you soo much anyhow.

Catie: But we aren't in a relationship. I told you that when we went bowling.

Chris: Right; we are a boy/girl and a girl friends in an open relationship.

Catie: No, we aren't in a relationship. You couldn't handle the open relationship you wanted in the first place.

Chris: You can't be telling me you've never felt that way about me mutually. I remember past events, and I have learned from the mistakes. I know you care about and Love me too.

Catie: It's platonic Chris. I'm not your sweetheart or your girlfriend. We're friends, that's all.

Chris: Yeah. But I still feel for you like that anyhow.

Catie: Okay but you shouldn't call me sweetheart or anything. That's weird.

Chris: And I have and still am working a Lot for you and me; Us. And I respect your space and needs and learn from my mistakes, too!

Catie: It's just, you keep acting like we're in a relationship and we aren't. I told you several times.

Chris: Don't forget, we were over a 97% Q&A match in over a thousand on OKCupid.

Catie: Lol, Chris, an online dating site doesn't mean all that much!

Chris: It means a LOT!

Catie: It's not like it means people are destined to be together, it's just common interests and stuff. That's all.

Chris: Possibly sounding crazy, but I will Not Lose You, Catie Heart!

Catie: We're still friends though, I thought you were okay with that. I just don't want to be in a relationship with you.

A couple of things.

Where they ever in a "relationship" or was it always just platonic?

This seem to imply the open relationship was Chris's idea. Is this true?

 

[MACH-IV]

Peyronie's Disease.

Alright, looked it up and his seems like a really extreme case. I want to think it's something he caused himself, otherwise it's really just legitimately sad.

 

[trueandhonestfan]

And now he thinks his dick is 7 inches?

He did say before that his duck straightened out and grew two inches. Unless Chris found a miracle duck enhancement spell, it's a lie. It is better than saying, "You're missing out on this 4.5 inch bent penis." If it were believable anyway.

 

[MY 405]

At some point I'd love to see the Westons learn the truth that their connection to royalty is defined only by individuals who acted as wardens of property and members of the Tudor high council. Weston's relation to Anne Boelyn extends only to the point where he was accused of fucking her along with a interesting collection of others, including her full brother, and were happily dispatched at the Tower of London the day before Anne herself lost her head over Henry. The Westons were knights of the shire (Richard - the father) and of the bath (Francis -- son and alleged fucker of royalty) , a status granted by a monarch mostly to gentry who do them a solid, and while there are many royals who are also knights, in general knights are NOT royalty. Hung out with royalty, lived on property given to them by royalty, pals with royalty, maybe fucked some royalty and definitely WERE fucked by royalty? Absolutely. But sorry, Westons of VA ... you basically remain "common" yourselves ...

 

[garbageraider]

Where they ever in a "relationship" or was it always just platonic?

This seem to imply the open relationship was Chris's idea. Is this true?

They were in an official romantic relationship for a time.
The open relationship was Chris's idea.
Chris felt that, as a male, he couldn't satisfy Catie sexually, so he was OK with her fucking other guys as long as Catie took care of him and paid the bills.

 

[Tubular Monkey]

Hey, girl that doesn't exist. My mom says you're common and just wanted to use our house.

Wasn't Chris the one who wanted a womb with a view?

 

[bradsternum]

Barbara Chandler, talking about bad and manipulative people.

 

[just some jerk]

There's something really sad to me about the fact that Chris seems to be aware of his mental state declining, even though he blames it on age (at 32!)

Bob was virile up to all sorts of shit at 32! If he didn't live in a barb and bug infested environment, and wasn't drug down by those two, he'd probably have made it to 100.