CONTEXT: So, for the more HP-orientated among us, you might recognise part of my name as Voldemort's snake, and you may have seen me contributing to the Rowling Derangement Thread. This is because all this tranny insanity came crashing into my life with peak intensity just as KF came back online properly following Dong-Gone and Keffarts campaign to slaughter the kiwi. This was around a job and house move that resulted in a lot of goodbyes from my local troons who were many, given I work in tech-adjacent and R&D adjacent fields who also tended to hire young. I'm more customer service-y, but I still attracted this batshittery (female socialisation at work there and inability to tell trannies to BTFO due to being based in a very Portland-esque britbong town - if I'm using the right USA place here for a woke analogy). This resulted in me being a bizarre funeral pyre for troons I knew passing me their old HP gear as "house stuff" to fill out my bookcase because ("They can't sell it in time/move it at all/make profit") after asking me if I still liked it. Me, not having read the series since I was a teenager and saw the final movie on a plane once said, "Eh, yeah. I guess,".
HOW: This led me to get back in touch with an old Fujoshi-friend (lets call her Mel), now, I used to be turbo cringe. Kiwis, I wrote fanfic. I don't regret any of it, I got better at writing and it inspired me to do original works and I was able to divorce fan work from original content enough that I even got a few small time bits published, and the odd commission. Nice. What got me into this? From ages 13-16, it was Harry Potter. I met my friend through FFnet. We collaborated, and she was a graphics design type, so when doing story covers became a thing, she'd draw covers for them. It was pretty cute. Now, this is around the time the main flavour of fandom was making everything m/m (male on male) - it was like this strange, "safe" fetishist sexual exploration okayed by everyone around you in the sphere around about the time you clock you're starting get turned on and don't really know what to do about it. At some point we got bored and the flavour of things changed from HP to an anime we both grew up with and I pretty much forgot about my HP-inducted cringe, but it remains a solid part of my foray into writing, so I can't really slate it. I'm in my late twenties now so memories of it are pretty foggy and replaced mostly by our gay weeb shit. Yaoi and the like (I know I know. Judge away). Fujo-friend Mel was 2 years older than me but a little more arrested development, still is, but really grew up by getting a brutal job and becoming a full-time carer. We fell out of touch except for sending the odd card or birthday present until I moved about 1 hour away. I used to be the other side of the UK, but this time I was CLOSE, I have a
husband, and a
home. I grew out of the Fujo-shit by simply finding better literotica and socialising more with men, the idealised Yaoi Male fell out of view, and became periphery, unappealing, and unrealistic. Naturally I consumed less then very quickly none, veering to f/m normie shit.
So What Happened? We meet up a few times and I give her the house tour, it's even better being her friend IRL - husband is out and we're having a real girls night. I'm introducing her to all my pets, we're catching up, the "how'd you meet?" talk happens - and here's where it gets interesting. Mel expresses a dismay mixed with disinterest in just not 'settling down' - she's sad, but it's hard to pinpoint why, like she envies my position but at the same time thinks it'll never be 'for her'. I'm confused, she's almost 6ft, works hard, pretty face, big hair, could easily cosplay that Dimitrescu lady if she wanted to - definite market for this kind of woman. Very caring, obviously, socially and fiscally responsible. What's wrong with her, I think? I don't say this, ofc. But I remember something from our teenhood, like a lightning flash.
"I just don't get anything out of it, I'm so jealous of guys, sexy stuff must just feel so good for them," and then it hits me. Do I have a near 30-something whose never once coomed fully in her life? Someone who has such a maladjusted view of female sexuality from a Fujoshi-mindset combined with total inexperience that she simply thinks being a woman 'isnt worth it' sexually and then also romantically because why be with guys if they can't satisfy you? It's ridiculous, I think, but I have to dig deeper - because that's when she utters it.
"I thought about if I was trans or something even, I just don't get anything out of men even though I think they're attractive," and I'm like
hell no, we're digging into this, I'm not letting Mel turn into an oversized pooner without addressing the core issues here, this is misguided penis envy?? Key to note she made no talk of "T," discord servers, pronouns, or standard tranny grooming, she thinks tumblr/twitter people are peak retarded and is vehemently pro-JKR - which is why we reconnected in the wake of all this tranny controversy - bc I remembered 'the HP years' of fanfic due to having the series thrust back into my life.
Look, the spectrum of FtM thoughts that causes transness is much more complex than most MtF which can be boiled down to "jealousy of women/inceldom/failed male/perversion". FtMs/Pooners can derive from extreme dysmorphia and wanting to be unattractive or 'cant beat em, join em' if they were sexually assaulted by men in their past/abuse etc. Or, it can be the result of Coomer Fujoshi Bullshit, which is what we're dealing with here, this idealised yaoi m/m flowery faggy shit that paints a warped view of what the male homosexual relationship truly is, including the glorification of their anal coom. So I mixed us a couple of Rob Roys, tried not to trip over the dog and started really getting into the embarrassing, self-introspection most people do alone.
"Well, SRS isn't exactly create-a-cock Sims bs, it's pretty nasty and ineffectual, it's all aesthetics with real bad health implications," to which she agreed, before professing the
same mindset she had as a teen? "Okay so you've not dated around, I get that, but get bricked up right? Turned on? Your point is that you don't find it satisfying because there's no big fireworks or money shot? No all-amazing release?" to which she was like
well yeah, there's no finality, I'm just kind of... done and it's not much to write home about.
Me, drunk, blurts out "You're doing it wrong then," - and no, it didn't devolve into your favourite Pornhub search, but it did result in a "what are you actually doing down there?" complete with juvenile hand gestures of 'up and down? side to side? round the world? what exactly? two in? no? yes?' - and me trying not to spill ice all over the laptop while I pull up LoveHoney. I guess it's like britbong Adam&Eve, standard sex-toy fare. It's not like I'm going to whip out my collection or something, but I talk her through informed choices. To my horror, she says "Well, it's not like I've not tried sticking stuff up there," but a further unravelling shows she's approaching masturbation...
like a man.
A cumbrained Fujoshi whose brought too much into the m/m shit - a natal female, is approaching masturbation
as if she were a man, well of fucking course you're not going to get anywhere jackhammering yourself into oblivion and pretending you're a twink getting anal railed.
Maybe it turns you on, getting you only so far, but you're not exactly stimulating yourself in the way your body enjoys, you're trying to will yourself into enjoying something you're not even wired for? I also partly blame whatever porn she's looked at, seldom is ever appealing to the foid gaze, and I don't blame her. Sure it exists, but it's a hard find, especially if you're not even sure what you're looking for and think you should "like it how dudes do."
Four Rob Roys later and there's a rabbit order, and a clitoral stimulation/bullet toy order, and to her horror, a thinner, glass, curved dildo order ("Glass? for real? Won't that break?" "No, but also temperature stuff might help you out some, trustmebro.jpg"). There's emphasis on "journey, not destination" - enjoy the process and stop going for this moneyshot as if you're expecting a violent dick-style cumshot and for the love of God -
change your porn consumption, EVEN if it means using your imagination. Lo and behold some weeks later she's now corrected of the belief that gay dudes have this mythical, untouchably amazing Coom. The Coom has bought her
back - I gently broach the subject of 'hows that LoveHoney purchase working out? Man we were wasted," casually some time later.
Her response?
"I don't know why I wanted a dick so bad, I got a better deal here LMAO - anyway how's Hogwarts Legacy?"


