Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Da Dude123]

Right?

Cyril teased a story there, but we never got it.

Cyril disappeared like the voices on the wind. He has so much more he can share.

 

[Dumpsterfire Enthusiast]

I'm looking forward to seeing him either getting a small token inheritance or nothing at all then getting pissed about it. Even if he did get the inheritance he wanted he would be complaining about how it should have been more before his parents were even cold

 

[Da Dude123]

I'm looking forward to seeing him either getting a small token inheritance or nothing at all then getting pissed about it. Even if he did get the inheritance he wanted he would be complaining about how it should have been more before his parents were even cold

I think with how poor Lucas's health is, there is a very real possibility that he will not outlive his parents. He would be moooing and reeeing for sure, if he got nothing after everyone died. It would be terrific. But like I said, his health is probably worse than his parents health is.

 

[LightEmittingDiode]

I'm looking forward to seeing him either getting a small token inheritance or nothing at all then getting pissed about it. Even if he did get the inheritance he wanted he would be complaining about how it should have been more before his parents were even cold

I guarantee that every will that family has has a Lucas clause that specifically states that nothing goes to him. And Lucas isn’t smart enough nor has the resources to challenge it in court.

 

[WhiskerBiscuit]

Lucas has gotten nothing from his dad in years. His dad may have some worth but Myrna and Larry have no sort of worth. And they don’t seem to be wasting money on him. They sent him a $25 gc for his birthday years ago and when he was stranded in LA they only paid 1-2 nights at Motel 6. They really seemed to just want to get Lucas back to Washington and away from AZ.

His brother was in SOFALAW and mentioned that his parents were comfortable but that’s it. So this is entirely Lucas having zero understand of money and thus coming up with very inaccurate sums. Like a child estimating that their parents make a zillion dollars a week. It’s just without context.

 

[wenttobermuda]

It's almost as if he's doing the internet equivalent of conversing with phantoms. It's very strange, and frankly not too much fun to watch, because there has to be a bit of coherence for Lucas to be a successful clown.

When he abandons all organization of thought, and isn't even able to address his audience in a recognizable or understandable fashion, he becomes so insane, that his output is frankly boring to read...

Lucas isn't very entertaining these days, but remains a little interesting. The bleak joy of Wernology, in it's current state, is piecing together his decline and withdrawal from social media from the bits of exhausted content he posts to telephone polls and YouTube videos. It is not as compelling as his previous output.

Lucas has gotten nothing from his dad in years. His dad may have some worth but Myrna and Larry have no sort of worth. And they don’t seem to be wasting money on him. They sent him a $25 gc for his birthday years ago and when he was stranded in LA they only paid 1-2 nights at Motel 6. They really seemed to just want to get Lucas back to Washington and away from AZ.

His brother was in SOFALAW and mentioned that his parents were comfortable but that’s it. So this is entirely Lucas having zero understand of money and thus coming up with very inaccurate sums. Like a child estimating that their parents make a zillion dollars a week. It’s just without context.

I'm not interested in Lucas's parents. They are ordinary, unremarkable boomers, who do ordinary, unremarkable boomer things. His relationship with them, however, is a part of Wernology. Lucas has made Myrna and King Roy an issue, especially their wealth, and part of his personal mythology. Successful but moral millionaires, desperate for grandchildren from Lucas's magical loins; or irresponsible, negligent enablers that created a monster.

By all accounts, his parents are comfortable in their retirement, and they certainly have the resources to enjoy themselves. There is evidence that Lucas's parents, his mother and stepfather especially, provided him with ample financial support. Especially in his early 20s. Yet, there is also evidence that this support came with conditions. Small things, like swallow your pills. Lucas has a track record of failing to conform his behavior to such conditions.

There are instances from this period where his parents apparently completely withdrew their support. For example, between his embarrassing exit from HS but and his cohabitation with @DefunctGames, Lucas's parents were alright with him sleeping in a car stocked with beer. They helped him with some of his bills and debts, but expected independence of him. After his original spazz out and initial trip to the laughing academy, perhaps they adjusted their expectations. It was clear that Lucas wasn't just troubled, but sick.

Lucas would later crow about how his mother always wanted him to be comfortable, and helped set him up with various apartments. Hints of a pattern emerge. Lucas would emerge from treatment with a belly full of meds, and his family would help set him up with a place to stay. Lucas would maintain, for a while, before ending up back in the laughing academy or otherwise in the midst of a crisis. Then they'd all try again. After nearly two decades without improvement, his parents have reached the point where they will buy him dinner on his birthday (without having to see him).

But on some level, Lucas, the eternal teenager, still looks to his parents as people that will care for him and provide for his needs. If not right now, their money will when they are gone, because Lucas assumes that what's theirs is ultimately Lucas's.

Lucas envies his parents. I don't. They are in a difficult position with their son. What do you do with a man like Lucas Colby Werner? His parents haven't been able to figure it out, and have settled for distance. The mental health system can't figure it out. Neither can the courts. But we know. The thing to do is laugh.

 

[Wernology]

I cannot express how disappointed I am in Youtube's stupid auto-deletion algorithm for axing these two comments, because the previews are fucking gold (which is yet another thing The Wern can't afford).

Edit: I guess he saw my "complaining" here about how he's giving all of his attention to @Fatal Walter and it was making me consider breaking up with him over it because we're back to addressing me by name.

...what a moron.

Also edit: This is why it's so easy for people to catfish him, though. It's THIS EASY to lead him by his crusty nose. He thinks he's being clever but you can steer him like he's a roomba that's lost the ability to remember where obstacles are on its own, and that shits all over the floor as it moves instead of cleaning--but if you give him a tap he'll go in whatever direction you suggest, all while claiming it was his idea in the first place.

 

[mothman96]

To fly down to see my rich parents for 4 people would cost $2000 to get to Arizona. They'd treat us like kings and kweens for a week. Swimming pool.

Here again we can see why he's so desperate to get himself a wife and children. As it is his Myrna and King Roy don't want him in their homes, and he is left to spend holidays alone, living in the street. He thinks if he gets himself a family his parents will roll out the welcome mat. His mom will foot the bill to fly him, his wife and 2 children to Arizona where she and larry will treat them like royalty. Gives me a laugh he threw in "swimming pool" to sweeten the deal. His mom and step-dad don't have their own pool.

 

[AnOminous]

I think with how poor Lucas's health is, there is a very real possibility that he will not outlive his parents. He would be moooing and reeeing for sure, if he got nothing after everyone died. It would be terrific. But like I said, his health is probably worse than his parents health is.

I hope they leave him a Clingerfaggot gift certificate, but not even enough to buy their prime rib but maybe a lunch special or something.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

Here again we can see why he's so desperate to get himself a wife and children. As it is his Myrna and King Roy don't want him in their homes, and he is left to spend holidays alone, living in the street. He thinks if he gets himself a family his parents will roll out the welcome mat. His mom will foot the bill to fly him, his wife and 2 children to Arizona where she and larry will treat them like royalty. Gives me a laugh he threw in "swimming pool" to sweeten the deal. His mom and step-dad don't have their own pool.

Or he's just talking shit to convince some girl to slide into bed with him, or some guy to slide him a girl, and has no intention of actually taking them to meet his """millionaire""" parents.

 

[Obscenity Enthusiast]

Guys isn't it so much better now that Lucas isn't making videos anymore? Ever since he stopped I've been able to hoard so many more zoomer baes. I think I'm personally hoarding about an eighth of the Spokane zoomer babe population at this point just since he's been gone. I would really hate it so much if he ever came back because I just know if he did start making videos again then all my zoomer bitches that I practice my misogyny on are gonna wise up and run off to him because he's so much more mature than me with those damn telomeres of his that have been aged to perfection.

On behalf of all your haters everywhere Lucas, don't make videos anymore because we're telling you not to. We're winning now and we can hoard as many fecund baes as we want because now you're not making videos telling them to stop flocking to us.

 

[Wernology]

Have another one that Youtube auto-deleted.
I suddenly feel bad for the Spokane PD for having to deal with this dumbass probably calling them to scream about how GenZ bigots won't give him a girl to fuck so he wants to report them for harassment and possibly drugs.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

I cannot express how disappointed I am in Youtube's stupid auto-deletion algorithm for axing these two comments, because the previews are fucking gold (which is yet another thing The Wern can't afford).

View attachment 2276434

Edit: I guess he saw my "complaining" here about how he's giving all of his attention to @Fatal Walter and it was making me consider breaking up with him over it because we're back to addressing me by name.

...what a moron.

Also edit: This is why it's so easy for people to catfish him, though. It's THIS EASY to lead him by his crusty nose. He thinks he's being clever but you can steer him like he's a roomba that's lost the ability to remember where obstacles are on its own, and that shits all over the floor as it moves instead of cleaning--but if you give him a tap he'll go in whatever direction you suggest, all while claiming it was his idea in the first place.

Lucas the roomba. So true. He copies things without even understanding them. In the geek room interview, when he wouldn't shut up about food, I think it was the second interview actually, someone jokingly said to him "tell us about the lobster bisque", and Lucas literally used "lobster bisque" in the next sentence. One of the geek room people joked that "fit n curvy" was not to be trusted because she was wearing a Slytherin sweatshirt... Lucas (seeming to have no understanding of the Harry Potter connection) used the Slytherin reference in one of his next videos.

He's done this sort of thing over and over again. If Lucas starts dropping a new meme, a word that he can't pronounce or barely understands, there's a good chance that he heard it from someone and it's stuck to his brain without having any conception of what it's about.

He likes to imagine himself as some sort of individualist idealist, but he's actually a uniquely submissive sort of follower, beneath all the bluster of course.

Edit: It works through reverse psychology as well. Anyone remember how a casual comment that Lucas snapping his gum was annoying, leading to a video where he's so aggressively chewed his gum he practically bit his own tongue off?

 

[Wernology]

Lucas the roomba. So true. He copies things without even understanding them. In the geek room interview, when he wouldn't shut up about food, I think it was the second interview actually, someone jokingly said to him "tell us about the lobster bisque", and Lucas literally used "lobster bisque" in the next sentence. One of the geek room people joked that "fit n curvy" was not to be trusted because she was wearing a Slytherin sweatshirt... Lucas (seeming to have no understanding of the Harry Potter connection) used the Slytherin reference in one of his next videos.

He's done this sort of thing over and over again. If Lucas starts dropping a new meme, a word that he can't pronounce or barely understands, there's a good chance that he heard it from someone and it's stuck to his brain without having any conception of what it's about.

He likes to imagine himself as some sort of individualist idealist, but he's actually a uniquely submissive sort of follower, beneath all the bluster of course.

Edit: It works through reverse psychology as well. Anyone remember how a casual comment that Lucas snapping his gum was annoying, leading to a video where he's so aggressively chewed his gum he practically bit his own tongue off?

Oh he's SO easy to lead in that regard; so many of his videos where he was babbling on on his bad takes on Christianity are almost verbatim purposely incorrect shit I told him during 'debates' in DMs with him on a burner account.

He doesn't wait either, like you pointed out, it's literally same or next day that he takes those 'ideas' and talks about them as though he came up with it on his own.

Doing that is honestly so much more fun that catfishing him because, like catfish, he never looks into anything so he'll never hit up the google machine to see if what you're telling him is correct or not he'll just assume it is because you said it (as long as it doesn't directly contradict some facts he made up after misunderstanding scientific whitepapers) and people would never say or post anything that wasn't true.

That's legit his mindset too: If it's posted online it must be true, unless it's about him and it's unflattering.

He's borderline childlike in that and it's a mindset I doubt he's actually capable of getting out of. The dude operates at the functional level of a 10 year old.

 

[WonderWino]

Lucas the roomba. So true. He copies things without even understanding them. In the geek room interview, when he wouldn't shut up about food, I think it was the second interview actually, someone jokingly said to him "tell us about the lobster bisque", and Lucas literally used "lobster bisque" in the next sentence. One of the geek room people joked that "fit n curvy" was not to be trusted because she was wearing a Slytherin sweatshirt... Lucas (seeming to have no understanding of the Harry Potter connection) used the Slytherin reference in one of his next videos.

He's done this sort of thing over and over again. If Lucas starts dropping a new meme, a word that he can't pronounce or barely understands, there's a good chance that he heard it from someone and it's stuck to his brain without having any conception of what it's about.

He likes to imagine himself as some sort of individualist idealist, but he's actually a uniquely submissive sort of follower, beneath all the bluster of course.

Edit: It works through reverse psychology as well. Anyone remember how a casual comment that Lucas snapping his gum was annoying, leading to a video where he's so aggressively chewed his gum he practically bit his own tongue off?

Oh he's SO easy to lead in that regard;

It would be hilarious to test just how much this applies to general statements by having a zoomer bae complain to him about how unfair and oppressive the cardassian legal system is to the accused and how its geared toward fucking the poor like lucas and see if lucas, not knowing the references in the slightest starts running with it and ranting about it publicly, making a complete fool of himself

Seeing lucas try to play victim and make himself look good to zoomer baes by bragging about how he's so against the bigotry, oppression and injustices of a fictional legal system would be something he'd never live down. Any time he talked about studying for a PhD one could just point to that incident and call him an idiot

Speaking of which, its interesting he still claims to be studying for said PhD while its blatantly obvious he hasn't been a student at SCC in months. Even if he did magically find some zoomer bae that was interested in him she'd likely notice that and call him out for it real quick and lucas would not like that at all

 

[mothman96]

Or he's just talking shit to convince some girl to slide into bed with him, or some guy to slide him a girl, and has no intention of actually taking them to meet his """millionaire""" parents.

He not only wants a hot 18 yr old wife, he is also a greedy POS and wants lots of money. He thinks the key to getting King Roy's money/property and whatever assets his mom has is getting himself a wife/children.

Come to think of it, I'd say the motivating factor that got him to LA was that he was expecting to hookup with a millionaire.

 

[Twrx]

Lucas the roomba. So true. He copies things without even understanding them. In the geek room interview, when he wouldn't shut up about food, I think it was the second interview actually, someone jokingly said to him "tell us about the lobster bisque", and Lucas literally used "lobster bisque" in the next sentence. One of the geek room people joked that "fit n curvy" was not to be trusted because she was wearing a Slytherin sweatshirt... Lucas (seeming to have no understanding of the Harry Potter connection) used the Slytherin reference in one of his next videos.

He's done this sort of thing over and over again. If Lucas starts dropping a new meme, a word that he can't pronounce or barely understands, there's a good chance that he heard it from someone and it's stuck to his brain without having any conception of what it's about.

He likes to imagine himself as some sort of individualist idealist, but he's actually a uniquely submissive sort of follower, beneath all the bluster of course.

Edit: It works through reverse psychology as well. Anyone remember how a casual comment that Lucas snapping his gum was annoying, leading to a video where he's so aggressively chewed his gum he practically bit his own tongue off?

Do you happen to remember the name of that video?

 

[wenttobermuda]

Here again we can see why he's so desperate to get himself a wife and children. As it is his Myrna and King Roy don't want him in their homes, and he is left to spend holidays alone, living in the street. He thinks if he gets himself a family his parents will roll out the welcome mat. His mom will foot the bill to fly him, his wife and 2 children to Arizona where she and larry will treat them like royalty. Gives me a laugh he threw in "swimming pool" to sweeten the deal. His mom and step-dad don't have their own pool.

You're on to something sad here.

Lucas, who once called himself "Cute Older Daddy," is fundamentally desperate to be taken care of.

Spoiler: tldr fat faggot

Like, treated as a child or pet, or obeyed as a potentate. Taken care of. And cared for. Cared about. But mostly, taken care of--needs met, protected from life. In a kitten, this quality would be cute. Or at least not off putting. In a 40 year old man, it is not cute. But it's not an uncommon desire. Maybe there's a cultural expectation that women experience it more strongly than men, but it's a part of the human experience that even wicked old Kiwis can recognize. Most folks who experience it either sublimate it, or figure out a socially appropriate way to express it.

Lucas was taken care of by his parents. Suzanne took care of him for a while. This was the best he could hope for: a surrogate mother figure who could put up with him, to financially and emotionally support him. Yet, Suzanne wasn't young enough and attractive enough to suit Lucas. Wasn't impressive enough on his arm. Wasn't the smart pretty interesting girl. Her ova were wrong or some shit, who can say. Being taken care of by Suzanne fixed his expectations. I can recreate that he must have declared to himself but this time with a smart pretty interesting girl no older than 18...

He still remembers being taken care of. He acts like he burns for it. And now, he's on his own. No one takes care of him, and the care he gets comes from a payee, SSI and the charities of Spokane. Sometimes the courts and police, too. He is terribly alone, and lonely, and completely unable to care for himself because he is not a competent adult. And Lucas's solution to this problem of "who will take care of me?" is to find a Gen Z bae. I cannot deal with life; I will find a sex goddess to protect me. And also let me fist her.

It hits me not in the feels, but near the feels. He's such a dependent creature and has so little left to depend on. I listen to Lucas, and under all of the autism and madness and sexual menace, I hear the desperate cry of a juvenile animal for MOMMY. Take care of me, take me in. I look at Lucas, and I see a grown, bumbling oaf. The mismatch is my favorite part of Wernology.

Have another one that Youtube auto-deleted.
I suddenly feel bad for the Spokane PD for having to deal with this dumbass probably calling them to scream about how GenZ bigots won't give him a girl to fuck so he wants to report them for harassment and possibly drugs.

View attachment 2276899

Put a hottie in my lap or I'll get a cop for harassment?

Oh my. What do we have here?

 

[Da Dude123]

Put a hottie in my lap or I'll get a cop for harassment?

Oh my. What do we have here?

He wants an adult hottie in his lap, with big titties and no excuses. He doesn't care if she is a punk rocker or a hoodrat, or any kind of anything. Just so long as she is 18-21 and on his 41 year old dick. Right now, right now, right now, right now, right now!

 

[mothman96]

Put a hottie in my lap or I'll get a cop for harassment?

Oh my. What do we have here?

Looks to me the Freak hasn't given up on threatening to blackmail people into giving him a hottie.