Alright, WTF, here's my translation:
"A few weeks ago I heard the terrible news that Sega had changed the color of Sonic's arms. At the time I was too stressed out by other issues to say anything about it. I feel that this was a terrible decision because Sonic, who is as real as myself or any other human, should not have been forced to alter such a fundamental aspect of his essential being for a trivial reason like insecurity over self-image. It makes Sonic seem weak, when in fact he is the hero of my life. The same criticisms were lodged against Michael Jackson (as real a person as Sonic, remember) when he lightened his skin for arguably petty reasons.
"Some of you might be worrying if this news might cause me to off myself. I'll tell you what, the fact that I haven't killed myself already despite the fact that I've felt like shit for years means that I can handle whatever life throws at me, and I will die of natural causes.
"Rally to my support! For great justice, etc."