r/polyamory

[Varg Did Nothing Wrong]

NO DARKIES!

The most logical and sane thing said on the subreddit so far tbh

 

[BIG DADDY]

Absolutely. The gay male lifestyle is conducive to having multiple sexual partners. I remember taking sex ed freshman year of college, the professor said in a recent poll given to 30 somethings and the number of sexual partners they've had in their lifetimes, heterosexual men and woman would have an average of anywhere from 3-12 partners. Homosexual men had something like 60 lol.

Gay dudes don't usually use terms like "polyamory" to justify it though, which is already more reasonable and honest.

 

[Moral_Equivalent_of_ISIS]

So as a psychologist, I want to say something: polyamory is completely fine, in theory, given the basic definition the OP gave. However, this subreddit really is not anywhere close to that fucking ideal, and it's downright sad.

"completely fine in theory" "as a psychologist"

Nigga I gotta call BS on that one, our knowledge of how the brain works is far from complete and I don't think it shows polyamory is fine. Furthermore a statement like "polyamory is completely fine" just isn't meaningful or clear:

Do you mean to say, 'a polyamorous couple won't encounter problems?'
Obviously false.
Do you mean to say, 'polyamory is completely fine because a couple won't develop jealousy?
Again, this thread has shown that not to be true.
Do you mean to say, 'a polyamorous couple won't encounter problems if they have 'communication' and 'emotional maturity'?
This is such a frustrating opinion because 'emotional maturity' is ill defined. If polyamory causes all these problems in couples that thought they were stable, why doesn't that tell you this lifestyle and ideology are not OK?

Someone earlier compared polyamory to communism and I think that was very apt given past arguments I've had with Marxists. 'Real polyamory' and 'true communism' are two of a pair. If communism causes all this economic trouble in all these countries, why shouldn't we oppose it? If polyamory causes all this trouble in all these peoples lives why is it so unreasonable to see it as bad? I'm sorry if I come off as aggressive, I just feel strongly that these kinds of ideologies that force people to suffer are wrong.

 

[Smarmy]

I remember this one married poly woman I used to talk to a lot. She and her husband had been together for about a decade, and she had a boyfriend as well. Husband was allowed to see other people, but didn’t want to and claimed her having a boyfriend didn’t bother him.
One day, she told her husband she wanted to divorce him so she could marry the boyfriend. Husband would still be around, but as a boyfriend. She was completely shocked and hurt when husband agreed to the divorce, but then packed his things and moved out, because he wanted out of the relationship entirely. She genuinely didn’t see it coming, and couldn’t understand why he’d do that.

She eventually rationalized it so that he was being unreasonable, and she’s better off without him.

 

[bearycool]

"completely fine in theory" "as a psychologist"

Nigga I gotta call BS on that one, our knowledge of how the brain works is far from complete and I don't think it shows polyamory is fine. Furthermore a statement like "polyamory is completely fine" just isn't meaningful or clear:

Do you mean to say, 'a polyamorous couple won't encounter problems?'
Obviously false.
Do you mean to say, 'polyamory is completely fine because a couple won't develop jealousy?
Again, this thread has shown that not to be true.
Do you mean to say, 'a polyamorous couple won't encounter problems if they have 'communication' and 'emotional maturity'?
This is such a frustrating opinion because 'emotional maturity' is ill defined. If polyamory causes all these problems in couples that thought they were stable, why doesn't that tell you this lifestyle and ideology are not OK?

Someone earlier compared polyamory to communism and I think that was very apt given past arguments I've had with Marxists. 'Real polyamory' and 'true communism' are two of a pair. If communism causes all this economic trouble in all these countries, why shouldn't we oppose it? If polyamory causes all this trouble in all these peoples lives why is it so unreasonable to see it as bad? I'm sorry if I come off as aggressive, I just feel strongly that these kinds of ideologies that force people to suffer are wrong.

Honey, I said a simple thing without much bulk to it with its writing. I get that it can be a good thing, but only if you seriously understand what the fuck love is, and that means defining "emotional maturity", a very subjective experience, and also defining what "communication" is, which is also a subjective thing in this. And in the end, you will also have to define what "love" is to you in order just to simply begin defining those last two concepts, and I believe that starts with the Self.

Comparing it to communism is apt in its comparison because it's "great idea, wrong species" concept: we want to help/love others in such an absolute way, but we don't know how. Communism was simply a concept of making sure EVERYONE got the shit they needed, but it fucked up completely because it, for one, wasn't executed correctly in principal; and second, because no one had a fucking clue what EVERYONE wanted and needed; likewise with Polyamory, it's this idea of trying to get both parties to get everything they both want, and fucking up completely because they don't even understand what they want/need. Both are decentralized, and have a false concept that people know themselves to a point that they can do this shit.

Communism was a grandiose idea of helping EVERYONE, both politically and physically, but that comes under the premise that you truly understand what is right for EVERYONE, and that means understanding what is right for Yourself.

Likewise, with love: if you truly don't understand and love yourself to an absolute point, it's going to be hard just to have monogamous relationships-- let alone something far grander than that. Emotional maturity would simply be described as understanding/"loving" yourself to a point that you get your own subjective, personal experience in relation to Others and their own subjective experience. Likewise, "communication" would be understanding yourself to a point that you can clearly say who and what you are and what you want to someone without a bunch of bullshit added onto it because you don't, well, KNOW what you want. Someone with high emotional maturity and communication has a strong concept of themselves, and therefore can execute it in the real world both by their emotional reactions, and the way they speak to others.

This is but my own viewpoint on this entire thing; it's completely complex and strange territory that is completely new for the modern age: we have only really be subjected to monogamous stuff, and things like this are completely out of left field. However, a lot of these stories I've read on this Reddit seem to be a bunch of irresponsible people who truly don't know themselves: they just like the idea of sex, and nothing more.

They don't know how to love.

And yet, what is love? If you can't even answer that question, you're probably not even ready for a monogamous relationship in my opinion, and a lot of these people strike me as that: they just want a fuck buddy, and nothing more. They just want sex, and nothing more.Which is fine if you want casual sex and everything deep down in your heart (yourself), but I feel like these people don't even KNOW what they want. However, if you are using the word "polyamory" to describe any of that, you have fucked up down the line somewhere, because that shit is never just casual sex lol.

 

[ICametoLurk]

Poly Husband leaves wife a couple of weeks before child is born.
http://archive.is/GzNQa

Poly Husband divorces Poly Wife after 10 years of marriage saying that it's needed for them to stay in a Polyamory relationship.
http://archive.is/jahfP

Wife leaves cause Hubby bought her a book that r/polyamory recommends for polyamory relationships
http://archive.is/znS5Q

College student tries to make it sound like her first time employer fired her cause of being Poly and not for having typos in letters she typed. She said was gonna spend the weekend with her girlfriend after saying that she had a boyfriend and a couple of weeks later they canned her for having typos.
http://archive.is/YhhyR

A "Unicorn" (AKA: Young hot single girl) was ditched by her Poly lovers and now has to raise two kids (is prego cause of the husband of her female lover) on her own.
http://archive.is/nSQu7

 

[bearycool]

Poly Husband leaves wife a couple of weeks before child is born.
http://archive.is/GzNQa

Poly Husband divorces Poly Wife after 10 years of marriage saying that it's needed for them to stay in a Polyamory relationship.
http://archive.is/jahfP

Wife leaves cause Hubby bought her a book that r/polyamory recommends for polyamory relationships
http://archive.is/znS5Q

College student tries to make it sound like her first time employer fired her cause of being Poly and not for having typos in letters she typed. She said was gonna spend the weekend with her girlfriend after saying that she had a boyfriend and a couple of weeks later they canned her for having typos.
http://archive.is/YhhyR

A "Unicorn" (AKA: Young hot single girl) was ditched by her Poly lovers and now has to raise two kids (is prego cause of the husband of her female lover) on her own.
http://archive.is/nSQu7

Yup, all of these people are stupid. And it's hilarious

 

[ObeseScreamingBlackMan]

A L W A Y S.

M O C K.

C U C K S.

 

[LtCucumber]

Do it faggot

Hoo boy. It's 4am and I'm bored so I'll share the most interesting one. Massive steaming pile of :powerlevel: but it's worth it.
I also realise that I replied realllllyyyy late. Whoops.

Spoiler: gather round kids, it's story time

There's this guy I dated for two weeks, broke up with him because of his insufferable drama. Even post breakup he was constant drama, because he wasn't over it after nearly half a fucking year, even being immature about it to the point of insulting the relationship between me and my s/o because he was bitter I didn't want him back. Autistic fuck is in his mid 20s.

Anyway, he popped up in a dead group chat that I forgot existed and we had a pleasant enough conversation. Autism-free until I mention my s/o as we were discussing something my s/o is into. The old run of the mill "how long have you two been together", blah blah, and then he mentions his current partner. An ex-fiance of his who cheated on him (I think multiple times)

I don't know why he thought it relevant, but he mentioned he "shares" her with another person (his words)- which already makes it sound like it's more for her benefit than anything else. He's not seeing this other person to my knowledge, and even if he was, knowing him, it's not something he would have suggested.

When he was talking about it, it really seemed like he was desperate to keep her. I mentioned that clearly he can't keep her himself considering her track record, and if he's not enough considering she cheated in the past, all he's doing is acknowledging her cheating; that's the truth of it.

He has such little self-worth when it comes to relationships. He genuinely believes he can't make someone happy, and he hasn't found someone that wants to be with him - or so he says (and I'm guessing by that he means just him no poly bs). He's so desperate to cling onto a relationship with someone who is a cheater, he'll buy into this even though he's not happy. Our conversation really made that clear. I deleted the app that had the chat on really recently to free up space from not using the damn thing, so I can't quote anything at the moment unless I reinstall it and remember my password. The only thing I can distincly remember is him saying "i share her with someone else so it's okay" . Then there's the even sadder "There's nobody out there who wants to just be with me" (or something along those lines

In a way it's sorta sad. This is the textbook example of why this shit doesn't work out; especially if it's to try and fix an already crumbling relationship. She's doing it so she can fuck around, and still have this committed relationship to fall back on. He's doing it because he wants to keep a relationship that didn't work out in the first place

 

[Somsnosa]

"Why am I not enough for you"

This phrase pretty much summaries the emotional pain this shit brings

 

[Moral_Equivalent_of_ISIS]

Honey, I said a simple thing without much bulk to it with its writing. I get that it can be a good thing, but only if you seriously understand what the fuck love is, and that means defining "emotional maturity", a very subjective experience, and also defining what "communication" is, which is also a subjective thing in this. And in the end, you will also have to define what "love" is to you in order just to simply begin defining those last two concepts, and I believe that starts with the Self.

Comparing it to communism is apt in its comparison because it's "great idea, wrong species" concept: we want to help/love others in such an absolute way, but we don't know how. Communism was simply a concept of making sure EVERYONE got the shit they needed, but it fucked up completely because it, for one, wasn't executed correctly in principal; and second, because no one had a fucking clue what EVERYONE wanted and needed; likewise with Polyamory, it's this idea of trying to get both parties to get everything they both want, and fucking up completely because they don't even understand what they want/need. Both are decentralized, and have a false concept that people know themselves to a point that they can do this shit.

Communism was a grandiose idea of helping EVERYONE, both politically and physically, but that comes under the premise that you truly understand what is right for EVERYONE, and that means understanding what is right for Yourself.

Likewise, with love: if you truly don't understand and love yourself to an absolute point, it's going to be hard just to have monogamous relationships-- let alone something far grander than that. Emotional maturity would simply be described as understanding/"loving" yourself to a point that you get your own subjective, personal experience in relation to Others and their own subjective experience. Likewise, "communication" would be understanding yourself to a point that you can clearly say who and what you are and what you want to someone without a bunch of bullshit added onto it because you don't, well, KNOW what you want. Someone with high emotional maturity and communication has a strong concept of themselves, and therefore can execute it in the real world both by their emotional reactions, and the way they speak to others.

This is but my own viewpoint on this entire thing; it's completely complex and strange territory that is completely new for the modern age: we have only really be subjected to monogamous stuff, and things like this are completely out of left field. However, a lot of these stories I've read on this Reddit seem to be a bunch of irresponsible people who truly don't know themselves: they just like the idea of sex, and nothing more.

They don't know how to love.

And yet, what is love? If you can't even answer that question, you're probably not even ready for a monogamous relationship in my opinion, and a lot of these people strike me as that. I view love as enjoying and understanding yourself to a point that you can love others without your own shit getting in the way because, well, you've already dealt with WHO you are, in some sort of subjective sense. That's how I view it.

Good post. I apologize for nitpicking, but if you make grand and general statements you gotta be prepared for spergs like me, lol. I think I was pondering more of the organizational aspect of it all, while you were thinking more in terms of the philosophical. I think we do agree alot about this, though.

 

[bearycool]

This phrase pretty much summaries the emotional pain this shit brings

fucking exactly. These people just do not love, and this makes me sad.

 

[Scratch This Nut]

"She is so angry and feels absurdly betrayed by me."

Bitch you told her that you wanted to fuck other people. Why so surprised?

 

[bearycool]

"She is so angry and feels absurdly betrayed by me."

Bitch you told her that you wanted to fuck other people. Why so surprised?

I'm not kidding, these people don't even love the people whom they are with truly, and that makes my heart sad.

 

[ICametoLurk]

Wife lets Hubby fuck other women cause had surgery for Stage 3 Bladder Cancer, End result is this

http://archive.is/dyWII

A thread about their "minor" STIs and wouldn't you be surprised, they all have Herpes.
http://archive.is/sBpKp

 

[bearycool]

This is why you don't open/get polyamorous with a relationship until you fucking know it's completely okay with both of you, and you BOTH love the other person and yourself completely. If you get another person in your life, it should be just as strong as the love you have for each other.

This is really shitty, and it makes me sad that there isn't a lot of education with this type of thing, especially after reading the above.

 

[LtCucumber]

Wife lets Hubby fuck other women cause had surgery for Stage 3 Bladder Cancer, End result is this
View attachment 305663
http://archive.is/dyWII

A thread about their "minor" STIs and wouldn't you be surprised, they all have Herpes.
http://archive.is/sBpKp

Most of the people I've known who were in or wanted a poly relationship (including the ex parner who suggested that we make our relationship poly as they were/are poly) had some form of STI, mostly herpes.

Not gonna lie when I brought it up to the ex who suggested a poly relationship with me, they never flat out denied it. It's likely they have something. Thank god I didn't fuck them.

 

[Scratch This Nut]

Most of the people I've known who were in or wanted a poly relationship (including the guy who suggested that we make our relationship poly) had some form of STI, mostly herpes.

Maybe it's because I've only ever been with one guy but can someone enlighten me as to why they think fucking other people can save relationships? It makes less sense than thinking that a baby would.

 

[bearycool]

Maybe it's because I've only ever been with one guy but can someone enlighten me as to why they think fucking other people can save relationships? It makes less sense than thinking that a baby would.

Like I said, they don't know how to really love. In order to save a relationship, you have to understand yourself and your own problems with the entire thing before you can even fathom the problems of another. You have to see what YOU did wrong before anything else, and they just don't get that.

 

[LtCucumber]

Maybe it's because I've only ever been with one guy but can someone enlighten me as to why they think fucking other people can save relationships? It makes less sense than thinking that a baby would.

I think it's basically a case of "well they'll end up cheating anyway, so might as well let them know I'm cool with being cucked them fucking other people so they can be with other people but still be with me"

They think that letting their partner do what they want will patch things up because then there's "no secrets" and no lying about whatever is going on. Complete bullshit really.