If it's ever made public, please please PLEASE let there be a JCS criminal psychology analysis of Chris's interrogation footage. "What pretending to be crazy looks like part 2"
Starts with Chris reenacting "For J.R's eyes only" to a room full of horrified cops.
PAUSE
This is 39 year old Christine Weston Chandler, popularly known online as Chris Chan, but I think you already knew that. On July 28th 2021 audio leaked of a phone call in which he admitted to unwilling sexual relations with his 79 year old mother, Barbara Ann Weston Chandler. An emergency protective order removed him from the house, but just two days later on August 1st 2021, he transferred $600 from her bank account to his own in clear violation of the protective order, and was promptly arrested.
REWINDS TO THE BEGINNING
Cop: We'll be back in just a minute
PAUSE
This is the part of the interrogation process where they leave a suspect alone for 3 hours in the hopes it will mentally break them. Watch what happens here, however.
Chris: Eh, Sonichu and Rosechu, don't worry about me, I've foreseen that I'll get out in a jiff, and if not, my electric hedgehog powers will bust me out!
PAUSE
For the next 3 hours Chandler amused himself with his imaginary friends Sonichu and Rosechu, who he illustrates as Sonic Hedgehogs fused with Pokémon. Note that this isn't schizophrenia or dissociative personality disorder. Actual schizophrenics have no control over their hallucinations and are frequently terrified by them. People with dissociative personality disorder also have distinct personalities, whereas all Sonichus and Rosechus are merely clones of Chris, and he leads all conversation. These aren't hallucinations, they are imaginary friends. Perhaps in his own perversion of faith Chris has convinced himself they are real and that he actually has powers in another dimension he calls CWCville, but these are NOT clinical delusions and they would NOT qualify him for an insanity plea even if they were.
FASTFORWARDS TO WHEN THE COPS COME BACK
Cops: Do you know why you're here, Ms. Chandler?
Chris: MISSES Chandler Sonichu.
Cops: Oh, sorry. Do you know why you're here?
Chris: Because Null betrayed me by lying about me just BARROWING money from Barb. I already put $200 of it back, and will put the other $400 back when I get my next check.
Cops: But you didn't talk to her, right? Because we were told you're not supposed to talk to her for some reason.
Chris: No, I didn't talk to her, I just barrowed the money myself.
PAUSE
He has just admitted he made the illegal money transfer, closing any defense that Barb could have sent the money herself or that it couldn't be proven who made the transfer. He'd already be going down for bank fraud and financial abuse if those were the charges they're pressing. They aren't, but it's helpful to let the suspect think that.
Cops: We heard there was something going on where you need a hotel because you can't live with her anymore. Is that why you needed to barrow the money?
Chris: Yes.
Cops: What's that about?
Chris: Sigh
PAUSE
You'll notice throughout he repeatedly sighs. It's his way of saying "I'm pathetic, please pity me". The officers show him no pity however, and only see it as weakness to exploit.
Chris: I had to HEAL Barbara with a soulbonding.
Cops: Soulbonding? What's that?"
Chris: It's a complete fusion of the spiritual and physical that allows me to...um...entangle with her aura to heal her, MM yeah.
Cops: So, this bonding is sexual or...?
Chris: Ugh! Sexual is only a small part of it!
PAUSE
Chris just admitted to at least some sexual relations with his mother. He just bought himself a year in jail on misdemeanor incest, if not the maximum 10 years for felony incest
Cops: Small part of it?
Chris: Yes! The rest is all spiritual.
Cops: So uh, the small sexual part is just like, a little bit of penetration?
Chris: Very little! It was only every 3 nights
Cops: So there was a little bit of penetration.
Chris: HMM, yeah.
Cops: This is very interesting. Would you mind showing us how this soulbonding works? Just so we know you didn't do anything wrong?
Chris: First, it would just involve me putting my mouth in her pussy. I'd stick my tongue sort of rolled and spread it out like this *tongue role tongue roll slurps slurps*
FASTFORWARD
The cops bring officer nasty into the interrogation room.
Cops: Uh, we found this sex doll in your closet. Would you mind showing us the rest of how soulbonding works?
FASTFORWARD
Chris lays officer nasty down on the table, undresses and begins humping.
Chris: BARBI! BARBI! OH OH! OH YEAH! BARBI!
PAUSE
The officer in the background is hardly containing his laughter. He is amazed that they didn't even need to come to "good cop bad cop" to squeeze out a confession, they just needed to use this autistic coomer's own horniness against him.
FASTFORWARD
Chris has finished. Officer nasty lies dripping on the table.
Cops: And you did that about every 3 nights?
Chris: Erm, yeah, among which.
Cops: For how long?
Chris: Over a month.
PAUSE
Chris Chan has just admitted to roughly 10 acts of incest. If they were to charge each as its own felony, he could be held for as much as 100 years
Cops: Did Barb ever say no, don't?
PAUSE
Keep in mind, the police have already heard the phone call where he admitted to the incest, that was the probable cause for the emergency no contact order, they know the answers to these questions, they just need Chris to repeat the same things in this interview so that the police footage will have no question of tampering or impersonation as the phone audio might
Chris: At first she would push me away and say 'no!' but I got her used to it after awhile.
Cops: Was it like...making a child have to take their medicine?
Chris: Sometimes, yeah.
Cops: Why did she need you to heal her?
Chris: Because most of the time she was zombie like, deer in the headlights, most unintelligible.
Cops: Is that when she needed you to heal her most? When she was most unintelligible?
Chris: Yeah.
Cops: And you did?
Chris: Yeah.
Cops: But that wasn't the times she was telling you no?
Chris: No, at those times she was like, complete zombie deer in the headlights
PAUSE
Chris has just confessed to rape, both while she was mentally impaired, as well as over powering her during episodes of lucidity. Medical investigation of Barbara had already shown evidence of damage to her vagina and anus, and mental examination showed long windows of senility to the point of being an invalid. All the police needed was a more iron clad confession that it was indeed Chris, that he knew of her senility, that he took advantage of her during episodes of senility, and even that during episodes of lucidity he had sex with her even as she told him no.
Cops: Alright. We understand you need a place to stay for the night because you can't go home, and now you can't go back to the hotel, so just follow Officer Ericson and we'll get you a place to stay until this is all over.
Chris: Okay! Thanks!
Chris was taken to the county jail where he was held for nearly a year before being declared unable to assist in his own defense and transferred to Western State mental hospital to be restored to competence. After that, he was returned to the jail to stand trial. In a shocking turn of events, the incest charge, which is a "wobbler" meaning it can either be tried as a misdemeanor or a felony, was first tried as a misdemeanor but was most unusually wobbled UP to a felony after a year of continuances. Chandler waved indictment, his experienced lawyer Heilberg wanting the Autism disposition, in which he might be put on probation and have the opportunity for lesser charges or the charges being dropped if he complies. If Chandler cannot get the Autism disposition, or does but violates the terms of his probation, he stands to serve 10 years in prison
P.S. It saddens me to think the day is soon coming (if it isn't already here) that shitposts like these will no longer be man made but A.I. generated, as anyone could prompt a Chatbot "Write me a JCS Criminal psychology script about Chris Chan, make fun of both JCS tropes and Chris Chan memes" and have it generated in 2 minutes to copypaste wherever you want it
