random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[NoReturn]

As of around 5pm earlier today, I reached my two week mark of not emitting a certain type of body fluid, thereby retaining more zinc and other nutrients in my body, thereby boosting my immune system further (in addition to my diet, supplements, sleep, and exercise). I'm going to see if I last 90 days without shooting babymakers out of my body. I feel so full of energy

 

[Forest Portal Triumph 747]

In less than 3 hours, I will have hit the 15 day mark!

 

[Meat Target]

anyone calling Pat fat online is being paid to do so by Vladimir Putin.

 

[feral cat #6385]

That's why it's called the American Dream. You have to be asleep to believe it.

 

[SCSI]

... you eat ice cream from your asshole?

 

[Positron]

Green M&M was my sexual awakening

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

Also I'm kinda disappointed to not see any updates from him with the "pear up the butt" story. The last he left it, he was on medicine and shooting poop sideways lmao.

I never understood why they keep trying to make the green M&M sexy. Unless you forge some kind of abomination made out of melted chocolate, I don’t think you can fuck a candy.

I've never been to Disney World. Was I ever alive at all?

 

[Bender]

Worst that happened was his wife was topless which i didn’t care much about. More distracted by children

It was suppose to be small and now it ain’t small

But he would be the THIRD deaf guy I’ve yelled at

 

[Haffhart]

Oh no, no anal probing and blue vaginas... anyway

 

[Anne Hyroe]

One of my major theories is that "teenager" isn't a "new" phase of life but an undiagnosed mental health illness.

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

you can sort of piece together a picture of Razorfist as that asshole that lived down the hall from you in the dorms... The guy that would insist on a ten minute diatribe about how Swedish Death Metal was shit compared to Norwegian Death Metal... and he just had to get in the last word every. fucking. time. you dealt with him... And eventually you'd just throw up your hands and agree that Swedes should be banned from performing metal and that the dorm cafeteria tater tots were actually shit and you were wrong for singing their praises. Nobody likes that guy over the long haul.

 

[Haramburger]

That’s strange... I don’t remember telling you that it was okay to go against my narrative.

 

[Meat Target]

>natural
Imagine thinking that bleeding for an entire week and not dying is natural. The absolute state of women, I swear.

what can i eat that has all the stuff i need in a human body? better take the cannibal pill

Well that's a whole new interpretation of the phrase 'salsa week' that I didn't need floating around my head

 

[Kabuki Actor]

@Anne Hyroe
Mister Roytapel and his ilk are some evidence that a teenage mindset is social instead of biological, by how much it persisted for them.

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

obligatory "when you date a Latina".

Fucking Chantal should have never opened that OnlyFans.

 

[Meat Target]

What the fuck is it about making videos of the god forsaken childrens block videogame that causes people to lose their fucking minds? With the way these guys burn out you'd think they were touring with motley cru in the 80's or running million dollar fraud schemes that finally catch up with them, but no, they sat in front of a webcam and made poop jokes for 12 year olds to snigger at. What the fuck man.

 

[Anne Hyroe]

I remember using my own shit to write nigger on my neigbors car after getting my wisdom teeth extracted. It happens.

 

[NoReturn]

He touched grass and the grass won.

 

[Hitman One]

once again, absolutely 0 difference between someone rushing to archive drama and a 9/11 first responder rushing into a burning building. the real heros

 

[Meat Target]

just got done with a hardcore sesh of minecraft, time to beat my wife and rape some kids.