random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

Japan will end Tumblr's reign and grip on american animation by blowing it up like Pearl Harbor.

I wonder what it's like to have seen your wife naked less times than the entire internet.

"My Little Sister Can't Be A Lolcow"

I'll be mildly perturbed but not shocked when at least two of the randos who worked on this turn out to fuck kids, dogs, or some combination of both.

oh goody we're back on this spice shit.

Put that in your ramen and slurp it.

Of course, no one with half a brain could give a shit about Captain Planet, everyone was in it for Galaxy Rangers and Sabre Rider, but what would you do in between these two timeslots? Do your homework, hmph. Nah. You'd continue to watch on the same station, suffer through Captain Planet, hoping it would be one of the few decent episodes (like the one with Hitler buying an atom bomb) and get it over with.

Thank you for this thread, I didn't know I'd ever see anyone flexing about jerking off dogs, or so many pictures of dog semen gathered in one place. This was an experience.

There is a wolf looking down from heaven right now laughing his ass off because he knew this would happen. Should have listened, you omega clowns.

When I saw this thread pop up I was afraid a Duane Chapman sextape had come out. This is even worse.

 

[Troonologist PhD]

Kiwifarms is full of toxicities, so you know freaking what. i think I should go back to newgrounds because these users are very toxicities I've ever seen.
Full of criminal peoples as well because you are going to make me ruin my reps at edu

thank you very much

Bruh, we already know what to do retards. don't tell me I was in college atm.
By the way, thank you for giving me racist words.

 

[Meat Target]

"ISS NAWT TROOOO, MATTER A' FACT ISS PROBABLY YOOOOO WHO WERKS AT SUBWAY"

"I know my way around a courtroom. Well." -man who went to jail.

why do I get the feeling it'd be a cross between Schindler's List and Porky's?

He made the holocaust sound like an 80's summer camp movie

 

[Useful_Mistake]

He made the holocaust sound like an 80's summer camp

There is a scene where the Nazis throw a high school dance for the Jews. That's how the main character meets his love interest.

 

[Humbert Humbert]

When the world starts getting me down, all I have to do is remind myself that either they'll die or I will and the problem will solve itself.

Just a bunch of dudes, getting together, ordering pizza, jizzing all over it, and leaving it in the hallway. You know, typical guy stuff.

This is indeed the behavior of someone with brain abnormalities.

I think I just hit a level of peak trans that I didn't think was possible.

Do you demand meatloaf from your mom with that mouth? The youth these days! No wonder boys these days think a circle jerk on a pizza is a sexy orgy.

Tis the season of pumpkin spice, college football and furries making sexual innuendos about pumpkins.

Why moderate your porn usage when you can just beat your meat every second of the day?

I can understand liking ones own jizz

There are chimpanzees who would fall head over heels in love with that skull.

 

[Hitman One]

MR BRAIN, unbelievably transphobic.

The real news here is that this guy allegedly has 8 friends.

He’s monstrous and I wish he’d died of cancer instead of his sister.

Yeah Ripley totally passes as my meth-head aunt who lost all of her teeth.

 

[️ronic]

From the latest Russell Greer doc:

 

[DerKryptid]

The Knee of Independence

 

[Sheogorath]

Never have I ever thought I'd read an OP about niggers jerking tard dogs off so they can make more tard dogs, paying upwards of $20k for fresh out the balls doggie dick drippings.

 

[MuuMuu Bunnylips]

Now I'm visualising The Day The Clown Cried but with more boobies and a Kenny Loggins soundtrack.

 

[Zero Day Defense]

garfield can go suck a dick as far I'm concerned

 

[Pee Cola]

You can lead an autist to a miniature railroad set, but you can't make them a conductor.

 

[Hollywood Hitler]

Is Netflix Good For The Jews?​

 

[KiwiFuzz]

Look I don't mean to call you out my friend, but if you're going to be able to move Heaven and Earth--why not just kill him?

 

[Return of the Freaker]

Why don't you identify as a lawnmower and chop your dick off?

 

[KiwiFuzz]

He's too much of a faggot to take it in the butt like a real man.

 

[Zero Day Defense]

You raggedy bitch.

 

[John Merston]

This little gem from Sufficient Velocity.

I would probably have died in a hunter-gatherer or an agrarianist society without access to corrective lenses, asthma medication, and HRT.

 

[KiwiFuzz]

Jerry didn’t die to be disrespected like this.

 

[Meat Target]

THE GOOL IS GETTING GABBA'D