random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Procrastinhater]

A penis panini is never good.

 

[Slideshow Bill]

A sound cunt's a solid fucker, y'know? A real legend but wiv a good 'ead on 'is shoulders. A proper lad you can 'ave a proper sesh wiv. 'e's the one 'oo suggests a cheeky nandos on yer 'ols or a donna after a piss-up, ya got me?

he’s just a seething nigger seething over a half nigger half kike for being half kike…

I Do Not Care About The Nigger Fight.

 

[Dire Dire Cocks]

“They are not LOL comedians
Having fun fun fun with LULZ culture
They are worse than anyone wants to imagine
And purposely so”

 

[Syzyg]

you know that deep-down you crave raw cock

 

[General Emílio Médici]

Welcome Faggotblaster5000 good to have you

 

[JustSomeDong]

>Where were you when you learned President Abe was shot?
Kiwifarms

>Where were you when you learned Iran's president died in a helicopter crash?
Kiwifarms

>Where were you when you learned President Trump was shot?
Kiwifarms

 

[Rakovnik]

I NEED agent smokeshow to chokehold me with her legs.

 

[like_shutup_&_drive_scoob]

So you're telling me that being attracted to ages 14-17 has nothing to do with fertility, and that women don't instantly hit the wall and become barren dead-eggers at 30? My God, the manosphere's lied to me!

Van Jones is going through menopause and cries all the time. Cenk wants to **** horses. Joe Scarborough killed a staffer.

You ever look at the people on the other side and think How the **** are we losing?

It says "No Spin" so I'm inclined to believe it. Bill O'Reilly wouldn't lie about whether he is engaging in spin or not.

it's always darkest just before the Don.

"Woman" is unknown and unknowable

the copium has already started and I think we're already set for a comeback of the Very Unhappy People™

I hope he dies hilariously. Like he gets stuck in a drainpipe chasing a pie that was stolen by a cartoon bear

We have to kill our political opponents to protect democracy. - Democrats

Yes fake and gay. They used a real weapon to stage an event and people died from it including the shooter.
Truly a genius plan by the Trump Team and not a deranged troon commie larper groomed by media to think Trump is literally Hitler for 8 years on end.
It Can't be the vilifying of your opposing party to be ABSOLUTE MONSTERS. Making anyone who disagrees with lockstep to be exiled from family, friends, jobs, banks, and more.
Can't be that!
Gotta be a stunt.

 

[Tablet County]

"Oh damn, Kevin Spacey wasn't in the first place I looked, time to give up and go be gay at home!"

In African Americans, they have a gene for the pimp walk,

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

I'd be legit sieg heiling and probably kill like Breivik if niggers or other ethnics murdered my family. I'd probably also kill whoever was suggesting PC statements I could give.

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

Here's a haiku for Dr. Schlomostein:

Wah, wah, help me Elon
This summer haze of benzos
Clouded by chud memes

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

This is going to be a straight diarrhea dump, sorry.

Of course I definitely knew Obama was a power-bottom after seeing him with the dad jeans, the bicycle helmet and the plastic lightsaber battles with his soy-faced, wet-nosed, ring-tailed Lemur grin.

mocking dead subhumans is funny

yeah, well, holy shit

This isn't feature worthy.

I've seen you in like three different threads banging on about goy glorp. I think you may, in fact, be sperging.

I'm not here to hinder you in your autistic crusade. Shine on, you sperging diamond.

STDS and child fucking, you've been warned, don't fuck it up.

It solves the entire problem. I realize that means no instant carnal satisfaction, but thems the breaks.

Well, I can make do with a good ol' lynching if that's what they want

Probably because his main job and source of income is jerking off.

There is no past. There is no future. Only an endless current year, in which The Party is always right. If you want a vision of what this is, imagine a fat drag queen in garish makeup twerking on the face of a man, forever.

Five Nights at Floyd's

Ah yes, as a Californian I can appreciate the sacred road to the hydroelectric facility.

Witty is new slang for functioning alcoholic.

If I were you I’d cut my hair and pretend to have a job.

CIA niggers really regretting all those diversity hires tonight.

In ONE FUCKING DAY, Richard Simmons dies, Dr Ruth dies, the Mighty Magiswords guy gets arrested for possessing child pornography and there's a fucking brown out at my house. I find out about all of this IN THE SPAN OF LESS THAN AN HOUR. Just last night I started watching GamerFromMars' Chris Chan documentary and just an hour ago I finished the third part. Then THIS SHIT HAPPENS.

I just lit some candles and said the Lord's Prayer. I don't know if I really believe in the Sonichu curse but I am not taking fucking chances. Fuck this. This is a house of Christ. Irate Gamer is the fucking Mad Prophet and he was right all along. Fuck fuck fuck. Forgive me Lord for all my sins please protect us all. Christus nos defendat.

This thread is moving so fast nobody will notice that I killed a man in reno in 1988.

They don't make MKULTRA mutts like they used to. The CIA has fallen.

I'm honestly intersted to see if I will get banned.

It’s really hard to tell who is a retarded nigger and who is attention posting, lol.

No we can't take a second to pause

If we got the camera shutter speed we can calculate the velocity and therefore the caliber given the distance and frame length.

I’m seeing a lot of leftist hate. I’m a registered leftist and my job demands it because I make more money voting D. I don’t support what’s going on and have sat out the past two votes.
I’m drunk and my feelings are hurt, we’re not all bad.

Nice triple-double:

Never fedpost. Handle your business quietly.

he said, fedposting

This country was built on possibly getting shot somewhere in bumfuck nowhere…

Hey Langley did you enjoy your pizza? Are you ready to work a long night? Faggots lel

I retract my statements on nothing ever happening. Clearly something does happen.

Nigga, I just said in my post that I am not from America, I simply thought that all Americans were completely retarded and deranged no matter what side of the political spectrum they sit, and frankly it is a topic I often avoid because of aforementioned retardation from everyone involved.

You're either trolling, in which case kill yourself. Or you're real, in which case kill yourself.

Read the thread nigga, read

Vince McMahon's scandals and departure from WWE was all a cover to set up this one moment

being a land whale does NOT preclude you from being able to shoot a handgun or most rifles/shotguns

You’re still mad because I pointed out Russia’s unusually high rate of AIDS?

It’s not like it’s a secret. So much time has passed, learn forgiveness

What the fuck has happened to the standards of autistic profile stalking?

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

You are gay, you like veiny cock, you enjoy having your prostate stimulated, you have never felt a woman's tits, you cannot do 10 pushups, loud noises scare you, you have never caught a fish, you have never shot a gun, your ancestors look upon you with shame

 

[Random Internet Person]

Reading Murakami fucks you up as much as watching anime.

 

[Dead Gay Muppet Gangbang]

*looks around. Sees security has various women in it who are not insanely beefy 500 pound butch ass beefy nigger bitches who are bald as fuck*

This is why you need a security staff worth a damn full of beefy ass niggas. A blonde chick with who weighs 150 ain’t gonna do shit. You need a mother fucker who looks like a silver back with no hair to guard each entrance and finger every dude and lady crack with his gigantic meat fist to fish out any weapons. I blame this security failure on women.

 

[Counterfeit Obol]

Never mind. Im a retard. Thanks @Shig O'nella

I believe her burial will be at sea. After being flung out there by a trebuchet.

Surely you're fucking with me.
Surely.

We might be hitting that magical sweetspot where the politisperging actually becomes entertaining for a few months, don't jinx it.

"Self-important retard. Noisy, but harmless. Extremely fat and I would not have sex with him."

I mean, "I draw little boys fucking and jerk off to it" isn't very ambiguous.

 

[Gentlebastard]

Female? No. Male? No. Serial killer? Looks likely.

Has anyone ever noticed that normal heterosexuality seems not to exist on reddit?

People are either completely asexual and so terrified of sex that a 14 year old Amish girl named Constance would tell them to chill out or they can't cum unless they are being spitroasted by two 300 pound niggers in gas masks while being gagged with their sister's panties.

There is no middle ground.

If you showed me this picture and said, "guess this guy's sexual preference?" I would say 150% faggot.

If you look at pre-WWI cookbooks British cook books it’s full of spices and amazing flavours, by the end of WWII and the rationing after it British cooking had gone to shit.

So we destroy the culinary aspect of our culture to save France twice only to have the French shit on us for our food afterwards.

I’m sad

Your body is not a plug and play device.

I miss those innocent days where liking heavy metal automatically made you a creepy, violent psychopathic Satanist...

 

[FuckMeGentlyWithAChainsaw]

A "Null" is someone who has had their penis and testicles completely removed as part of a sexual fetish.

 

[Meat Target]

It would be described as a plane where everyone is flailing impotently and screaming incomprehensible gibberish due to having their own heads firmly shoved up their own asses. Except for this one particular weirdo who has his head up a horses's ass for some reason.

 

[Big Nasty]

His tombstone will be titled “here lies gnome, consumed cum from other men out of whores vaginas. He played vidya.”