random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Mound Dweller]

Basically, I'm Martin Luther King Jr. and I've given my famous "I Have My Own Net Dream" speech which has really upset the FBI (Furry Bureau of Intimidation) and so the FBI (Furry Bureau of Intimidation) writes me a letter saying "erm here's some nothingburger shit about sexual impropriety also you should stop talking and admit furries (white people) are based and also kill yourself" and well, sorry, no. If you want that you'll have to go through with the next part and shoot me like you've already threatened to do. And then you know what's going to happen? They're going to name 3 tile hallways after me.

 

[Gentlebastard]

I find that you can delay the period using a semicolon; the period still arrives, but later.

It's amazing how often I remember something that veers into wrongthink territory and I have to fire up three VPNs and crawl to page 500 on yandex just to find some article or statistic I read yesterday again, but the most soul crushing hardcore pornography known to man is only one google search away.

'tis better to have never loved at all if what you loved turned into a tranny

I am shamed to admit that I know a genuine Disney adult.

I am shamed to admit that I know a genuine Disney adult.

Do you know how uncomfortable it is sitting in his lounge as he starts to talk about it? I’d rather sit on the Iranian Border at night wearing a neon suit with “fuck allah” around a blinking aiming cross than be in that lounge room.

In her defense, I'd imagine anyone married to someone like that would be chain smoking 24x7.

"Jesus ANOTHER lawsuit?" (scrambles for the pack).

Honestly, if it were me? I'd start smoking crack.

His neverending quest for updoots and likes is insatiable. If only he put that same effort into getting a job, writing sci-fi or raising his daughter.

I kind of want to read it. Judging by the cover, it's bound to contain some nuclear cringe.

 

[obsdj]

Mistakenly checked my asshole!

 

[neger psykolog]

This reminds me of a racist joke.

How long does it take a nigger woman to take a shit?

Nine months!

 

[Silver Coin Anon]

"Also, one of the new girls wouldn't see me because I'm circumcised. Very humiliating "

 

[Lukie]

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If you use a plain cross, you can see that all of the participants' feet and calves kinda overlap and touch each other. Which might be good for an erotic effect, but seems very inconvenient. Swastika shape allows for personal space, but you still have to make effort to keep the dildo suspended in the air.

 

[sedoL]

D U D E takes hit from THC pen T R A I N S

 

[JustSomeDong]

You write like Lucas Werner in trying to shame women to sleep with you(not going to work)

 

[Meat Target]

There is no reason whatsoever to host animal dick mods

 

[MongInTheMirror]

Haiku for Jaron

My doctors have failed
Fuck my amhole exploded
My parents should hang

Ah, right. I’m not hugely familiar with how it works in the US. Here in the UK, such matters are decided by J K Rowling in person from atop her throne of skulls upon which she has scrawled “MALE.”

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*BANG BANG*

KAM ON INGERLAND

*BANG BANG*

KILL SUM FAKKIN TROONS

so I have to pay a tenner a month to say nigger on the internet now.

Gonna get my fucking moneys worth.

What's the overdosing fat person version of Narcan?

EMT: fuck, we're losing her. I need 283496 mg of cake frosting, stat.

He just looks like a really low end but well used transvestite prostitute in a largely Muslim but not throwing gays off rooftops kind of country.

"Apparently, applying steroids on your eyelids is a big no-no!"

- Evie Noor

It's like insulting the Amish. I can call them cousin fucking, butter churning fuckwits on the Internet and they'll never know. The true retards don't know that you're insulting them. In fact, that's the Retard Test. If you get offended by being called a retard, you aren't retarded enough to be a retard.

“Recent studies show that your average Florida 6 woman has a lifetime risk of 40%, of inadvertently shacking up with a mentally disabled Jew. Early warning signs include: Retard face, an inability to take off winter headgear at the dinner table, mouth that smile while the eyes are crying…”

I’m sure that 41% suicide statistic has nothing to do with the relative absence of trans elders, they just all ascended or got AIDs or something.

so here we are 30 years later, and i am watching this person in a diaper squeezing out a power shit whispering "nnhh yeah" to himself 3 feet away from "11 year old playing candy crush" telling "mom" how cute she is in between logs while he rubs his choco nuts has given me a deep, sinking nausea ive never felt before and i pray i never will again. Its been like 4 1/2 hours since i saw it and its still there.

 

[Doxmatix]

"it's your faults that I, a 43 year old man, didn't get 5 bucks off and an air freshener of a rapper I never heard of"

Jaxx, Jade, and Derish. The three dents of the Dentpocalypse. With there powers combined they are a slightly below average human.

dave's depression is like the holocaust
it doesn't exist and it if it does he deserves it

We dont deserve a better breed of detractors but I wish we had them.

A pannus is like the pokemon evolution that a fupa evolves into after three evolutions of being a deathfat.

 

[Cnidarian]

that's actuslly the only reasons polycules don't devolve into utter chaos, if nobody knows who the father is, than nobody will eat the child to assert dominance,

 

[often puzzled]

Without sounding like a weirdo, isn't a slightly edematous labia normal sometimes?

 

[Hey Johnny Bravo]

Hoisted by my own retard.

I can't quote his post on my profile, but I promise you that it's there.

 

[Statix_Shark]

‘Look not upon pornography too long, my brethren, lest you end up parading around like a shrink-wrapped potato on cocaine.’

 

[CEO of Gay]

I have already passed a number of tests to warrant deeming my self Leader of the Autistic Race.

 

[UnsufficentBoobage]

In fairness, Girl Scouts are a lesbian ran cookie company.

if you buy chicken from the turk butcher in my city you are supporting organised crime

I really want to know what 73 years of no pussy does to a mother fucker

I'd like to thank autism, my adblocker, and the total fragmentation of culture for making this achievement possible

FBI homicide tables aren't just for honing your racism

Their relationship with metallurgy is probably sexual but I think that's a good thing

Imagine you are in the FUTURE. Imagine you are decapitated and, instead of dying, you are taken to [REDACTED] and grafted onto an foul mass of flesh composed of other dissidents' heads. You have offended the powers that be and so your sentence is torture until death. Worse still all around you a zoo of manmade horrors beyond comprehension lay in collective agony. Everyone you knew is here with you in this new hell. You cannot run, you cannot fight back; you can't even scream. You are trapped. Limb-regeneration now affords the cruelest of despots novel manners of torment. What once seemed like a life saving procedure is now an instrument of terror

So naturally, my job was nigger city

The stink from my local GW used to be intense.

Blame Columbus for being a retard and not the farmers who want accurate competitive racism

Thomas the Tank Engine did not immediately respond to a request for comment

 

[Dire Dire Cocks]

I've seen the murdered and the butt-raped, and I know which one I'd rather be.

 

[naaaaiiiiillllll!!!]

Jeets and Pakis.

 

[Kiwifarmsname]

Spoiler: Descriptions of the stuff Jolylan Zahrah was accused of sharing

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