The Dude's Guide to Manliness.

[CWCissey]

 

[FramerGirl420]

Hobo's Womanly Guide to being Manly.

1. Look like Moby.
2. Drink constantly and pass out occasionally.
3. Follow Hulkamania
4. Supply plenty of -pets- to your fellow forum members.
5. Party Harder.
6. Own cats.

Boom. See how well you guys measure up.

 

[The Dude]

Hobo's Womanly Guide to being Manly.

1. Look like Moby.
2. Drink constantly and pass out occasionally.
3. Follow Hulkamania
4. Supply plenty of -pets- to your fellow forum members.
5. Party Harder.
6. Own cats.

Boom. See how well you guys measure up.

I look more like John Candy, I rarely drink, and I hate cats.

 

[FramerGirl420]

I look more like John Candy, I rarely drink, and I hate cats.

Oh well. You're still a cool dude.

 

[CWCissey]

Hobo's Womanly Guide to being Manly.

1. Look like Moby.
2. Drink constantly and pass out occasionally.
3. Follow Hulkamania
4. Supply plenty of -pets- to your fellow forum members.
5. Party Harder.
6. Own cats.

Boom. See how well you guys measure up.

1. I look more like Jarvis Cocker.
2. This I do, but I don't pass out because I'm hardcore.
3.
4. I don't do this.
5.
6. No pets allowed by my landlord.

 

[FramerGirl420]

1. I look more like Jarvis Cocker.
2. This I do, but I don't pass out because I'm hardcore.
3.
4. I don't do this.
5.
6. No pets allowed by my landlord.

Just shave everything to achieve #1. Quick fix.

 

[exball]

Remember folks, nothing says badass like a revolver. (Just pray you don't have to reload the damn thing.)

 

[CWCissey]

Just shave everything to achieve #1. Quick fix.

Nah I look better hairier, with shorter hair I start to get weird looks. I must have a weird shaped head or something.

 

[Zim]

Remember folks, nothing says badass like a revolver. (Just pray you don't have to reload the damn thing.)

That and not looking at explosions as you walk away. That's how I know I'm a man.

 

[cypocryphy]

Hobo's Womanly Guide to being Manly.

1. Look like Moby.
2. Drink constantly and pass out occasionally.
3. Follow Hulkamania
4. Supply plenty of -pets- to your fellow forum members.
5. Party Harder.
6. Own cats.

Boom. See how well you guys measure up.

You don't have a thing for bald guys, do you? Because I'm very much the opposite...

 

[LM 697]

You don't have a thing for bald guys, do you? Because I'm very much the opposite...

 

[cypocryphy]

MY TRIGGER.

 

[FramerGirl420]

Oh yew guize...

 

[Sexual Stallone]

Bungholio is beatiful like the early morning rain that falls over the meadow.

 

[Holdek]

...You're the...patriarch...

Check ur priv.

Exactly. In the words of a certain lumberjack, GO WORK ON IT.

Bob was a man's man.

A lesser man would have peaced out of 14 B. a long time ago. I respect him but only wish he had manned up a bit more in the whuppin' department on Chris.

When I do shave....I freaking left a patch under my neck tonight for example....

I hear it's still possible to give yourself some nicks with them. Not as much as the old straight razors, but still.

It definitely is. "Safety razors" are called that because they are safe compared to straight razors. But it's still highly inadvisable to do the following with one:

I wouldn't even recommend doing that with a cartridge razor, but, if it's dull enough...

 

[CatParty]

If I follow this, will I attain true #$wag?

 

[Sexual Stallone]

If I follow this, will I attain true #$wag?

Wrong guide

 

[HG 400]

1. Always treat women right.

False. A Real Man treats his women (plural) as nothing more than breeding stock. Real Men only use unwilling lesser men to satisfy their sexual needs, because coupling with a woman or a willing participant is incredibly gay and weak.

2. Learn to shave like your Grampa.

False. If you've ever shaved, you're not a Real Man. If your Grampa has ever shaved, you're descended from Not-Real-Men and should be treated with scorn and contempt.

3. Real men know how to drive a stick shift.

Semi-True. A Real Man generally should use his charisma and force of will to terrify others into doing all his driving for him, but it's always handy to be able to grab the wheel if you accidentally beat your driver into unconsciousness or death while travelling at high speeds.

4. Learn how to ride a motorcycle.

True. Motorcycles are pretty badass.

5. Find an appreciation for artistic things and literature.

False. The most artistic thing Real Men are permitted to enjoy is pornography (pictures or video only, no gay writing).

6. Expand your vocabulary and learn to use it.

False. A Real Man is silent and rarely speaks. A Real Man should limit himself to indifferent grunts when somebody pleases him, and sudden unexpected acts of violence when somebody displeases him.

7. Men have manners.

True. A Real Man should always familiarise himself with which corner of the room is best to shit in, and remember to keep his shitting to that same corner.

8. Learn how to dress and groom yourself.

False. Dressing and grooming is for bedslaves and perfumed catamites. A Real Man concerns himself with hygiene only during scabies outbreaks.

9. Facial hair is manly, especially when you are well groomed.

False. Facial hair is manly. Well-Groomed is not.

10. Learn how to take care of at least some things on your car.

False. Again, menial labour is for slaves. If you can't terrorise somebody else into fixing your car for you, you are not a Real Man.

11. Pampering isn't just for the ladies.

True. Real Women do not pamper themselves either.

12. Buy a gun and learn how to use it.

False. A Real Man can deal with any and all threats with his bare hands. If he cannot, then he dies and goes to Walhalla, and this is good and right. On the off-chance that a Real Man wishes to own a gun, to improve his efficiency at Real Manliness, then a Real Man simply takes that gun from a lesser man and dares him to do something about it.

13. Share your skills and passions.

False. Teaching others how to do things simply increases their chances of competing against you. If anything, a Real Man jealously hoards his skills and knowledge.

14. Don't worry about going grey or your hair thinning.

False. Once your hair begins to grey and thin, you are too old to remain a Real Man, and the younger Real Men will quickly usurp your position and murder you for your collection of broodwives and catamites.

 

[Ariel]

False. A Real Man treats his women (plural) as nothing more than breeding stock. Real Men only use unwilling lesser men to satisfy their sexual needs, because coupling with a woman or a willing participant is incredibly gay and weak.



False. If you've ever shaved, you're not a Real Man. If your Grampa has ever shaved, you're descended from Not-Real-Men and should be treated with scorn and contempt.



Semi-True. A Real Man generally should use his charisma and force of will to terrify others into doing all his driving for him, but it's always handy to be able to grab the wheel if you accidentally beat your driver into unconsciousness or death while travelling at high speeds.



True. Motorcycles are pretty badass.



False. The most artistic thing Real Men are permitted to enjoy is pornography (pictures or video only, no gay writing).



False. A Real Man is silent and rarely speaks. A Real Man should limit himself to indifferent grunts when somebody pleases him, and sudden unexpected acts of violence when somebody displeases him.



True. A Real Man should always familiarise himself with which corner of the room is best to shit in, and remember to keep his shitting to that same corner.



False. Dressing and grooming is for bedslaves and perfumed catamites. A Real Man concerns himself with hygiene only during scabies outbreaks.



False. Facial hair is manly. Well-Groomed is not.



False. Again, menial labour is for slaves. If you can't terrorise somebody else into fixing your car for you, you are not a Real Man.



True. Real Women do not pamper themselves either.



False. A Real Man can deal with any and all threats with his bare hands. If he cannot, then he dies and goes to Walhalla, and this is good and right. On the off-chance that a Real Man wishes to own a gun, to improve his efficiency at Real Manliness, then a Real Man simply takes that gun from a lesser man and dares him to do something about it.



False. Teaching others how to do things simply increases their chances of competing against you. If anything, a Real Man jealously hoards his skills and knowledge.



False. Once your hair begins to grey and thin, you are too old to remain a Real Man, and the younger Real Men will quickly usurp your position and murder you for your collection of broodwives and catamites.

Clearly the work of an Australian man.

 

[exball]

Real men have CURVES!