Lovequest The Relationship Vows

[asperhes]

I think the best way to interpret this is to switch the pronouns: "This is what I, Christian Weston Chandler, expect you to do for me in this relationship." He's telling her what he wants in the relationship: eternal loyalty, privacy from the trolls, emotional support. While it doesn't openly place demands on Catherine, the demands are implied. It's a rather passive-aggressive document.

While all the details haven't come out, it's fascinating that sex within the relationship doesn't even rate a mention. Thetan and Skyraider have said that the idea of an open relationship was Chris's idea, and that for some reason he felt that his gender issues made him unavailable as a sexual partner for Catherine. It sounds as if Catherine wanted the D, and Chris wasn't interested in offering his for hanky-panky. In the text messages released yesterday, my interpretation was that Chris was bringing up his Ugly Growth as a last resort, basically telling Catherine that he would debase himself to participating in penile-vaginal intercourse if it would compel her to stay. The fact that Chris wanted a lifelong relationship with someone to whom he was sexually incompatible really drives home how he is just looking for a substitute mother.

 

[Gherk McDirk]

Also, I guess he never forgot his "people in relationships but not actually married should have to wear rings too" idea.

To be fair, some people did do that kind of thing in high school. A girl would wear a guy's ring or his jacket. And we know how Chris feels about high school.

 

[Marvin]

Oh it definitely is. I guess part of my point was it shows his main desperation is his desperation to meet his "one true love".

I know that there is a lot of negative stuff involved in that, because a lot of the reason for that has to do with just wanting someone to pamper him and take care of him.

I guess when I see someone who is eager to find their "soulmate", I think that is more charming than someone desperate for sex, money, or fame. There are a lot of aspects of Chris that make that remove some of the charm. But, for me at least, not all of it.

I can see that. But I also see the soulmate shit as depressing, because no such soulmate exists.

 

[Objection!]

I think the best way to interpret this is to switch the pronouns: "This is what I, Christian Weston Chandler, expect you to do for me in this relationship." He's telling her what he wants in the relationship: eternal loyalty, privacy from the trolls, emotional support. While it doesn't openly place demands on Catherine, the demands are implied. It's a rather passive-aggressive document.

While all the details haven't come out, it's fascinating that sex within the relationship doesn't even rate a mention. Thetan and Skyraider have said that the idea of an open relationship was Chris's idea, and that for some reason he felt that his gender issues made him unavailable as a sexual partner for Catherine. It sounds as if Catherine wanted the D, and Chris wasn't interested in offering his for hanky-panky. In the text messages released yesterday, my interpretation was that Chris was bringing up his Ugly Growth as a last resort, basically telling Catherine that he would debase himself to participating in penile-vaginal intercourse if it would compel her to stay. The fact that Chris wanted a lifelong relationship with someone to whom he was sexually incompatible really drives home how he is just looking for a substitute mother.

Completely agree there. But allow me to add a little further context on the emphasized phrase: This came unsolicited after a month, maybe two into meeting someone on a dating site. Chris is absolutely ready to tie Catie down to a commitment forever when normal people at this phase would just be sorting out whether or not they'd like to see each other exclusively (go steady, etc) if they even make it this far.

This is not normal behavior. Except for Chris.

If the feelings aren't mutual and this happens, then one of the two is usually trying to get away from the other as fast as they can and hoping they won't show up at their work or house. Judging by how I've heard Catie's actions described by Thetan and skyraider, she's actually acting like any other normal person would who's been put into this situation...Except that she stuck around far longer than anyone else would and was probably a lot nicer (think Wallflower towards the end).

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

I can see that. But I also see the soulmate shit as depressing, because no such soulmate exists.

It's another example of Chris being the media's tool. There's nothing abnormal about people having one relationship last for their whole lives, and it's a nice thing to hope for, but it requires a hell of a lot of work. The "one true love" nonsense that the media sells us is the idea that we'll just trip and fall into the arms of someone who loves us forever for no reason and never have to earn any of it, and Chris laps that shit up.

 

[asperhes]

It's another example of Chris being the media's tool. There's nothing abnormal about people having one relationship last for their whole lives, and it's a nice thing to hope for, but it requires a hell of a lot of work. The "one true love" nonsense that the media sells us is the idea that we'll just trip and fall into the arms of someone who loves us forever for no reason and never have to earn any of it, and Chris laps that shit up.

And he never learns. As he himself says in the text messages released yesterday, he's had over ten failed relationships with real and theoretical Girlfriends. In each and every case, he said "I love you," yet each one unraveled. In a grand number of cases, he believed he had found his "soulmate," but even this couldn't save the relationship. Maybe what the media says about love is simplistic, hmm?

 

[Pikonic]

I'm glad you didn't accept the ring, but holy balls I'm shocked he'd be willing to give it out.

Reading this was more stressful than the lease I signed for my new apartment.

Mine too.
*Pay me 600$ every month, cash is accepted.
*You may own one cat, no dogs.
* Don't be a drug dealer.
*Don't totally trash the place

 

[Cotton Puddings]

does anybody else remember that ivy video where he put on his blazer and said "i look forward to the inevitability of having our sex time together" in his best talking-to-a-three-year-old voice?

everything he says to catherine is about that creepy

 

[KatsuKitty]

Spoiler: NSFW

sound mind

and body

 

[jc17]

A true and honest voucher for love, complete with true and honest spelling errors and half ass touch ups.

"If I should find fun with someone else-"
It's almost like this whole thing is a warning in advance, "I MAY fuck up... but I ste still love you."

 

[idon'tknowhatyoumean]

OH GOD MY MIND'S READING IT IN CHRIS' VOICE

Same, and this is also why I miss him making videos.

 

[timtommy]

Spoiler: NSFW

sound mind

and body

It's a brilliant loophole he created.

Suppose they both sign it.

If she breaks it, he waves it in her face and she has to admit she has done him wrong and apologize and make it up to him.

If he breaks it, and she objects, he can point to one of any number of pictures and say "Does it look like I am of sound mind? That contract doesn't apply to me. Bitch, I can do whatever I want."

 

[SnergenFlergen]

I, Christian Weston Chandler, of sound
mind
​

Men who are of sound mind are of course famous for making fictional women sign contracts to be their girlfriends in which they promise to tell them about all the other fictional women they're cheating on them with, spouting the same meaningless platitudes they've spewed to the other 10 fictional women they've been involved with in the past who were forgotten about almost instantly, all whilst wearing a dress.

You're hard to love, Chris, but you're harder to hate.

 

[BALLZ-BROKEN]

I like how Chris put a little arrow at the bottom of the first page. Did he think Catie was too stupid to figure out something that's folded like a greeting card would require opening?

To quote Seanbaby, "It doesn't only insult your intelligence, but then goes and calls your intelligence's mom a stupid bitch."

 

[KillerKarlKox]

Of round mind, and round body.

 

[Holdek]

This document is pure, distilled

 

[Stud2Stud]

It's another example of Chris being the media's tool. There's nothing abnormal about people having one relationship last for their whole lives, and it's a nice thing to hope for, but it requires a hell of a lot of work. The "one true love" nonsense that the media sells us is the idea that we'll just trip and fall into the arms of someone who loves us forever for no reason and never have to earn any of it, and Chris laps that shit up.

And it's certainly not hard to see why. I would assume Chris thinks there is some soulmate who is basically like a piece fo a puzzle that connects with him and falls right into place in his life according to his expectations:
Be the mother of his daughter, take care of all the nasty grown-up business (ie: earning and managing money; taking care of loans, debts, insurance, etc pp.) and of course being an asspatting machine. I wonder how much emphasis there actually would be on hanky panky outside of making Crystal (natural insemnatiuon preferred).

I like how Chris put a little arrow at the bottom of the first page. Did he think Catie was too stupid to figure out something that's folded like a greeting card would require opening?

To quote Seanbaby, "It doesn't only insult your intelligence, but then goes and calls your intelligence's mom a stupid bitch."

If I'm not mistaken, that card actually is some sort of autistic origami, where you have page 1 being the cover, page 2 being on the right side when you open the card and page 3 is actually on the left side.
So basically, the page order is 1, 3, 2.

So yes. Catherine migth have been confused.
It's noteworthy how Chris -neither in comics nor in a heartfelt testimony of his love- manages to create a logical flow of text and has to number the paragraphs, so you don't become confused.

 

[Dr. Boe Jangles Esq.]

It's actually sort of disturbing. He's always been delusional, but previously, he'd either spent time with someone irl (Megan, Wallflower, ect), or had some feigned display of interest at least at first (Blanca, Ivy, ect.)
My point is he constructed his fantasy atop some sliver of reality. In contrast, this was triggered by a female simply acknowledging him on a dating site, and he wrote vows and tried to give away prized possessions based on that.
To me, it highlights his increasingly frail grip on what little reality he had contact with, and I suspect his isolation with Barb and desperation is a big factor. Regardless, it's a particularly breakneck descent into fiction, even by his standards.

 

[kobebyarlant]

When is he just gonna come out and say directly "I'm looking for a mommy I can fuck."
Stop dancing around it Chris.

 

[Tubular Monkey]

To me, it highlights his increasingly frail grip on what little reality he had contact with, and I suspect his isolation with Barb and desperation is a big factor. Regardless, it's a particularly breakneck descent into fiction, even by his standards.

In hindsight, this probably wasn't a very good thing for him. It's shown just how desperate he is. I just don't think he's in any condition to be strung along, whatever the original intent was.