Containment What If?

[Bob's Fries]

For those who don't know what I'm referring to, I'm referring to the magus tournament in Fate/Stay Night, a kickass Anime and Visual Novel series. Basically, 7 magi, "Masters" summon a "Servant", a historical or mythological figure for the purpose of fighting other Servants in a War to acquire the holy grail, which grants wishes. The holy grail is "filled" when 6 servants have been killed. Each servant falls under a specialized class (Saber, Archer, Lancer, Rider, Caster, Assassin, Beserker) and are referred to by the name of their class. For example, the series protagonist Emiya Shirou summons Saber, a gender-flipped King Arthur, to protect him and fight other masters for the grail. The universe and magic rules are ridiculously complicated and are often broken, but that's the gist of the plot.

What servant would Chris summon? How would he fare in the War? Would he use his servant for nefarious purposes? Would he die when killed?

Already made this thread. But if we consider that Sonichu can't be summoned... I'm going to fucking laugh if he summons an entirely broken Servant. Even with that I really doubt he'd survive long enough. Case in point, Ryuunosuke who got sniped by Kiritsugu. Also considering he might just break down to slumber since it's all complicated and shit. Sure, he might be motivated once he sees the power of Servants and all that shit. But once he sees real Magi doing thaumaturgy or some badass normal bringing out the big guns, I think he might just crash into slumber and leave his Servant to do everything...

Especially when Curse Ye Hame Ha does jack shit on Mary Lee Walsh. And that he took such a long time to get that knife ready.

[youtube]MtFrr_TDd98[/youtube]

Which definitely might cause his death considering the Servant's personality. Since you know, he's almost completely useless when it comes to this kind of environment. And with that, the Servant might just go ahead and kill him (if he's an Archer class with Independent Action). I can't see what kind of Fail of a Servant Chris-Chan could summon... besides maybe Angra Mainyu Yes. Him. The most useless Servant ever with the shittiest stats. It's almost like a partnership made from Heaven. Considering all of that... possible malice he might have, you know? And this is only because of alignment and possible similarities between Master and Servant.

Other than that, I can't see if he has any luck of actually surviving long enough to the very end of the War or even winning. God help us all. We'll have a "hell-ish" dimension of the Cwcville brought forth from OPL's broken mind if that ever happens. Especially demonic abominations of his Sonichu characters. And we know what happens when the fucking Grail actually tries to grant wishes. *glares at Kirei*

Really. I just hope that none of any real life Kiritsugu-like people actually try to blow up his house, like he did on the Hyatt Hotel... Because it would be opening the floodgates of whatever has been held back inside of those rickety four walls. And I don't think Ruckersville is gonna survive with the very bio-hazard of a house wafting in the air.

Oh and also kudos to you for also being a fan to the Fate. Not many people like it... Considering the Faggot Big 3 are overshadowing everything else.

Edit: He might call Angra Mainyu a Homogay with him being shirtless and all. LULZ shall ensue.

Edit 2: I'll laugh when he accidentally uses up all his Command Seals. And he might actually use his Servant to destroy the Game Place or PVCC. Which... would be bad.

Then there's also the wish of getting another Barb-like figure in his life. Which, I'm not sure how exactly the Grail is gonna make it bad for him. Must be because I can't think straight at the moment.

 

[c-no]

Re: What if Our Pet Lolcow got into a fistfight?

I have two scenarios:
1)Anyone here ever saw a Beavis & Butthead episode where they sell candy for their school and in the end, Mr. Candy, a the guy who runs a candy sale, wanted the money for all the candy Beavis and Butthead "sold" only to get in a fight with Mr. Buzzcut, throwing a pathetic punch only to get kicked in the head multiple times by the angered teacher. If you saw that episode, just replace Mr. Candy with Chris. He'd get into a literal kick the autistic game.
2)If Chris were to fight a boxer, his face would become that of Chuck Wepner after getting his face pounded by Muhammad Ali. He'd have to get stitches in his face if he wants it to recover.

If there was an imaginary pony girlfriend for Chris, it would have to be one that fits his dream pony sweeheart.

 

[Bridechu]

Well, Rarity is the only white one, the rest are dirty coloureds... Not sure if she owns a car, though.

 

[c-no]

Well, Rarity is the only white one, the rest are dirty coloureds... Not sure if she owns a car, though.

Even if she doesn't own a car, what really matters is if she has a mid-to-high income.

 

[Bridechu]

I'll be honest, because I'm a sick asshole I'd actually love to see Chris try to function on this board. There's one guy whose waifu is Rarity and he's worse than Jin15 in that he thinks "his Rarity" is the one true Rarity and is pissy when anyone talks about fucking her/jacking off to her. He's also gotten in massive slap-fights with at least one clop artist over it.

I really feel bad for these people, but they're just so fascinating to watch. At least Chris I kind of get his mind frame from working with autistics, but this I just can't comprehend.

 

[cubesandcubes]

All Megan what-ifs have the same outcome: Chris keeps pushing for sex until he finally does something that alienates her for good.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FailureIsTheOnlyOption

This about sums it up.

With each further "what if," Chris would feel that he's more entitled to sex - "but I won the contest for you!" - "but you came to the expo with me!" - but yeah, the end result is the same in every possible world.

Also, even if they did go, shecameforcwc.jpg would probably still have been uploaded. All roads lead to Rome.

It would have been funny if the trolls had enabled him to actually win the contest.

 

[Julian]

Well, Rarity is the only white one, the rest are dirty coloureds... Not sure if she owns a car, though.

Pony's can't drive with hooves that would be silly!

Something tells me Chris would go for applejack, he used her as his icon for the "Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia" forum

 

[Ren]

(This is so overdue, I apologize. I'm just happy I can finally finish this and share my thoughts with you.)

Hello! This is a thread to report my findings about an old show that Chris might have watched in the past, which may have contributed to his Love Quest requirements. I mentioned in another thread way back how I found a YouTube video on My Little Pony Tales while looking around Equestria Daily. When I watched this video, I couldn't help but to be reminded of Chris. You can view the video here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObeiQ8oWkMU

So, I volunteered to watch all 26 episodes of the show, to get a better understanding of the show and hopefully get a better idea about Chris's Love Quest. You DO NOT want to hear the main theme 26 times...

I may not be completely correct here, (Pft, maybe not even at all.) but it was really fun to think about what influenced Chris to start having these requirements for a girlfriend. Let's say Chris has some ability to make a deep interpretation of a show about ponies, which he then uses these interpretations to get a grasp of what 'girls' like to do. This would explain why Chris has a shallow understanding of women in general. I thought I'd share this with you guys, because we all have some understanding about Chris. After all, Cartoons and Video Games do influence him in his life some way. He has mentioned that he did watched the show, but I don't remember which gen he was referring to. My Little Pony Tales seems like a really good fit because of the style of the show and how it offered a 'window' to what girls think about around his age. A very bad one, but you get the idea.


So, what is My Little Pony Tales really?

My Little Pony Tales is a series that's geared towards young girls, which aired in the 90s. The plot is rather simple.

There are 7 main characters: Starlight, Sweetheart, Melody, Bright Eyes, Patch, Clover, and Bon Bon.

All female and pretty flat in character. Set in a place called Ponyland, (which is also pretty flat.) these ponies attend school, roller skate at a rink, hang out at an ice cream shop, and enter contests, like what humans do.

There are also 3 stallions as well: Teddy, Ace, and Lancer. They also attend school with the mares. Some of the ponies show a love interest to these stallions, who are usually the main antagonists of almost every episode they're featured in. Each episode has a conflict that the ponies has to figure out on their own and/or with the group. Most of their 'solutions' turn up really wrong to today's society standards. Much like the way Chris deals with problems with his life, as if some person's going to come up to him and actually resolve it for him... or something.

Keep in mind, this is not Friendship is Magic! we're dealing with, where ponies do talk and reason with each other to solve problems. As mentioned in BronyCurious's video on My Little Pony Tales, the ponies show more interest in flirting than come up with a sensible solution.

Okay, how does this relate to Chris?
Let's take a look at one of the Protagonist ponies, Sweetheart:

Sweetheart is a pony who aspires to be a doctor. She seems the only caring pony who can befriend one of the stallions, Teddy. He's seen as a bully, but is sometimes misunderstood. This girl even stood up for him as his Defense Attorney at a mock court lesson in her classroom. She is nurturing and sweet, kind of like FiM's Fluttershy. In fact, Sweetheart's personality contributed to Fluttershy's character. In one episode, "Blue Ribbon Blues," she gets upset at Teddy for stealing her basket. Teddy then takes Sweetheart to a farm to prove that he's a decent pony.. which ended up in total chaos. He does one small rescue and it's apparently all he needs to do to make Sweetheart forget all the mean things he's done during the farm visit.


TL;DR: What if a pony named Sweetheart could be a base foundation of what Chris wants in a girlfriend or more accurately, in a 'Sweetheart.' for his Love Quest?

 

[c-no]

I'll be honest, because I'm a sick asshole I'd actually love to see Chris try to function on this board. There's one guy whose waifu is Rarity and he's worse than Jin15 in that he thinks "his Rarity" is the one true Rarity and is pissy when anyone talks about fucking her/jacking off to her. He's also gotten in massive slap-fights with at least one clop artist over it.

I really feel bad for these people, but they're just so fascinating to watch. At least Chris I kind of get his mind frame from working with autistics, but this I just can't comprehend.

Seeing as how there are bronies like Jin15 who think the pony waifus they have are "real" makes me wonder if they have some sort of mental impairment (or something like that) or if they have some sort of issues. Just talking about these sort of guys kinds of remind me of a pedo-weeb who had an anime character named Kotonoha as his waifu, complete with pictures and a body pillow. Seeing as how some people would take a fictional character as a waifu, it kinda makes me wonder if these bronies actually not only have the pictures and toys of their pony waifu's, but even the creepier stuff like body pillows and plushies that have a hole in a certain place. That said, if Chris had an imaginary pony girlfriend, he'd have to search for the pony equivalent of a doll or body-pillow just to say "I love you Pony."

I don't know if my mind could wrap around from all I've read from the topic but I may as well throw in what I have to say. If Sweetheart was the base foundation, then Chris would of expected his 'sweetheart' to forgive him in doing something small. If all the ponies are flat characters then they would contribute (along with all the other things) to what Chris thinks a woman would do. Same goes for the stallions since they would be nothing but bullies and JERKS.

 

[Ren]

Yeah, this is a lot to take in. I kind of took longer than I should to wrap around this, myself. :'D Kind of why I delayed myself to share this.

And yeah, the stallions in My Little Pony Tales would be the JERKS and bullies to Chris. Maybe they kind of represent of what NOT to do when you're actively looking for a 'Sweetheart.' Then again, holding up Attraction Signs didn't work too well...

Even though the characters are flat, the writers made sure Sweetheart stands out a little more. In more than one occasion, she does try to see good in others, especially Teddy, her love interest. Whereas the other girls would turn their back and avoid as much as possible.

There are two episodes that give a good example of this: "Stand By Me" and "Happy Birthday, Sweetheart."

"Stand By Me" is the episode where Sweetheart becomes Teddy's defense attorney for a mock trial for her class when a cassette player goes missing. Even though Teddy was messing around with it in front of the girls, Sweetheart was able to prove Teddy's innocence. Even though every one in her class disagreed with her, she stuck with him til the end.

"Happy Birthday Sweetheart" is the episode where once again, Teddy was up to no good. He ruins a synchronized swimming contest (with unfair rules, anyway.), causing the 7 Pony Friends to get disqualified. The other 6 ponies demanded Sweetheart to un-invite Teddy from her birthday party, which makes Sweetheart torn between her 'mare'friends and her love interest. It took another stallion, Lancer, to get both parties to settle their differences for Sweetheart.

 

[Bridechu]

I'm not a psychiatrist, but with a lot of them I think it's a coping mechanism. They're aware it's fake and pathetic, but it's their only comfort. Jin15 and another user, a girl believe it or not, had discussed how both were diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety disorders and their ponies act as a barrier between them and their triggers. With others I think the rabbit hole goes a lot deeper, like the Rarity fanatic (username is Taxman) and a guy whose posts are all in the voice of his girlfriend Rainbow Dash. They get legitimately upset when people call their ponies toys or imaginary and even get mad at fellow users for stuff. Most of them have plushies and body pillows.

tl;dr Some ponies are security blankets, some are hallucinations.

 

[DykesDykesChina]

Something tells me Chris would go for applejack, he used her as his icon for the "Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia" forum

Applejack is a Republican pony. She's against tugboats and hates having her apple sales taxed by The Man.

I think Chris would fare better with the left-wing Twilight Sparkle or - since the academic bookish Twiley may be out of his league - with the hippie Fluttershy who loves nature and soars so high she almost touches the sky.

 

[Julian]

Something tells me Chris would go for applejack, he used her as his icon for the "Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia" forum

Applejack is a Republican pony. She's against tugboats and hates having her apple sales taxed by The Man.

I think Chris would fare better with the left-wing Twilight Sparkle or - since the academic bookish Twiley may be out of his league - with the hippie Fluttershy who loves nature and soars so high she almost touches the sky.

I think Chris and Derpy would make a suitable and adorable couple

 

[Bridechu]

Something tells me Chris would go for applejack, he used her as his icon for the "Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia" forum

Applejack is a Republican pony. She's against tugboats and hates having her apple sales taxed by The Man.

I think Chris would fare better with the left-wing Twilight Sparkle or - since the academic bookish Twiley may be out of his league - with the hippie Fluttershy who loves nature and soars so high she almost touches the sky.

If asked, Chris would probably give a Republican line on how ethnic welfare queens with too many kids are draining hardworking Americans dry without even realizing he himself is a welfare queen. He'd probably like Applejack for her old-fashioned accent and mannerisms. Plus, if the Sailor Moon poster has been influencing his sexuality, he expects a younger, cute version of his sweetheart to come with her.

 

[Dollars2010]

I think he would go for Applejack, being that he referred to himself as "Apple Chrisp" in the recent mail dump.

 

[c-no]

I'm not a psychiatrist, but with a lot of them I think it's a coping mechanism. They're aware it's fake and pathetic, but it's their only comfort. Jin15 and another user, a girl believe it or not, had discussed how both were diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety disorders and their ponies act as a barrier between them and their triggers. With others I think the rabbit hole goes a lot deeper, like the Rarity fanatic (username is Taxman) and a guy whose posts are all in the voice of his girlfriend Rainbow Dash. They get legitimately upset when people call their ponies toys or imaginary and even get mad at fellow users for stuff. Most of them have plushies and body pillows.

tl;dr Some ponies are security blankets, some are hallucinations.

Seeing as how it could be a coping mechanism, I have pity for them. Although I never gone through what they have experienced, I do pity the fact that they want to find comfort in something. If I remember correctly, I remember watching a rant on bronies done by a guy who also made a two-part rant on Chris. In the video he said the bronies watch MLP:FiM because it was an innocent show that reminded them of when they were pure and happy, thus liking the show since it was an escape from the cold reality of the world. Here's the video:
[youtube]tbfKIsNkNkM[/youtube]
Also considering that Jin15 and the other user are diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety disorders, ya may as well say their love of a fictional technicolor pony is justified, even if it is messed up when you consider what the PTSD does to them. As for anxiety disorder, I can't really say since I gotta look it up in a college health book I have. Just typing this kinda makes me contemplate on whether or not it really is laughable when you read about their relationship with their waifu and you also realise its some sort of coping mechanism.

Yeah, this is a lot to take in. I kind of took longer than I should to wrap around this, myself. :'D Kind of why I delayed myself to share this.

And yeah, the stallions in My Little Pony Tales would be the JERKS and bullies to Chris. Maybe they kind of represent of what NOT to do when you're actively looking for a 'Sweetheart.' Then again, holding up Attraction Signs didn't work too well...

Even though the characters are flat, the writers made sure Sweetheart stands out a little more. In more than one occasion, she does try to see good in others, especially Teddy, her love interest. Whereas the other girls would turn their back and avoid as much as possible.

There are two episodes that give a good example of this: "Stand By Me" and "Happy Birthday, Sweetheart."

"Stand By Me" is the episode where Sweetheart becomes Teddy's defense attorney for a mock trial for her class when a cassette player goes missing. Even though Teddy was messing around with it in front of the girls, Sweetheart was able to prove Teddy's innocence. Even though every one in her class disagreed with her, she stuck with him til the end.

"Happy Birthday Sweetheart" is the episode where once again, Teddy was up to no good. He ruins a synchronized swimming contest (with unfair rules, anyway.), causing the 7 Pony Friends to get disqualified. The other 6 ponies demanded Sweetheart to un-invite Teddy from her birthday party, which makes Sweetheart torn between her 'mare'friends and her love interest. It took another stallion, Lancer, to get both parties to settle their differences for Sweetheart.

So by making Sweetheart stand out more means they just made her believe Teddy is just "misunderstood" and not "jackass who for some reason has a girlfriend.", thus having her stand out as someone who is oblivious to her boyfriend/crush/whatever Teddy' relationship is to douchebaggery, making her believe deepdown, he's a jerk with a heart of gold. Speaking of Teddy being a JERK, if someone made a dark parody of the relationship, they would make it mroe abusive, deconstructing Sweetheart's role and Teddy' as well. Still, I wonder if Chris could actually learn something from this MLP show if he bothered to watch and listen to whatever moral or aesop they threw out, even if it's one that would not work in real life.

 

[Blue Max]

I'd say things get worse for Chris Chan. Remember, he labors under the nearly absurd belief that his ideas are good and desired by the world because Sonichu won a contest and got published by Nintendo Power. It's certainly possible that the trolls who got him into the top 10 make him #1, and even if it means a reroll of how Megan drops him, it would surely inflate his ego further and probably lead to greater musical displays of his "ability".

I'm not sure whether Megan would refuse the trip, although a trip to Duck filled China is out of the question. And Megan refusing to have sex with Chris is likely to blow up the relationship then and there. In any case, Chris probably learns the wrong lessons from the whole affair--that he's AMAZING and his SKILLS allow him to provide. If there is an upside to this, it's likely that CWC would still be moving all over contests since he perceives he will win more of them.

This is also at the origin of Chris' trolling--and it's hard to say given this turn of events that these are even trolls. After all, they really seemed to have trolled the Contest, not Chris. And Chris might very well never release HeDestroyedMyDignity.JPG into ED, given an earlier failure. But when I say "reroll", I don't mean that things are good, merely that they're different. And Chris still stands to lose even if they are different.

 

[Bridechu]

I do get the escapism aspect of it. I mean, that's why television and novels are appealing to a lot of people. I watch MLP myself because it's adorable and I often need a break from the real world, and unlike most other shows I don't need to worry about my favourite characters getting killed off. I just can't imagine how bad it needs to be to go from half an hour of cartoons to an imaginary lover living in your house with you.

The more I learn about these people, the worse I feel for them. There is a lot of untreated mental illness there.

 

[c-no]

I do get the escapism aspect of it. I mean, that's why television and novels are appealing to a lot of people. I watch MLP myself because it's adorable and I often need a break from the real world, and unlike most other shows I don't need to worry about my favourite characters getting killed off. I just can't imagine how bad it needs to be to go from half an hour of cartoons to an imaginary lover living in your house with you.

The more I learn about these people, the worse I feel for them. There is a lot of untreated mental illness there.

Indeed. Since you just said you can't imagine how bad it is from half an hour of cartoons to an imaginary lover living at home, I kinda have to wonder if the escapism thing could make it worse, especially since there is a lot of untreated mental illness.

 

[Ryan Rash]

Re: What if Our Pet Lolcow got into a fistfight?

I imagine Chris would fare not well. We have CWC Fighter as proof that he can't scrap to save his life. I suspect that if Chris got into a serious fight, with how weak his body is, he'd probably have to go to the hospital.