Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[MeganDodgedABullet]

God I really wish he would head to Age gap Alley and start ranting at the slutty nurses and hot vampire baes getting swooped twelve at a time by research-stealing information-greeding greybeard flatbills.

His pumpkin head is too big to be missed by anyone who can throw a combo correctly - one day, one day....

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Clearly has some kind of oral fixation

Edit: From the foot to the knee it’s diabetes
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That abscess near his eye is getting bigger.

 

[WonderWino]

If anyone ever wondered how lucas would act at a party:

Just replace maude flanders with a 12 year old

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

Wern you are a fuck up. Let me explain, explains exactly how he is a fuck up.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Wern you are a fuck up. Let me explain, explains exactly how he is a fuck up.
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Lucas thinks about sex exclusively in repellent terms. Seriously, have you EVER heard him describe a proposed or imagined sex act in a fashion that DIDN'T curdle your custard? I can't think of one.

Describing female ejaculation (incidentally a favorite obsession of virgins and incels, I've noticed) as the fountain outside a library. Describing passionate sex as "moose full rut". Describing cunningulus as eating "softserve ice cream without a spoon". Gestures of fisting. His cringe "Unf, unf, unf!" sex noises. Using oddly clinical terms for genitalia, combined with an effected casualness which shows the world his experiences are limited to porn.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

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This is some prime pseudo-intellectual word salad. Probably the only salad the Wern will ever indulge in.

Ehhh he ate that like 24hr salmon salad from Clankerdaggur that had been sitting on the hotel table ovenight.

 

[mothman96]

Words that will never be said to the Freak IRL.

 

[Wernology]

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Words that will never be said to the Freak IRL.

Be fair, he says those words to himself in his fantasies and we don't know if he gives himself little pep talks like that in front of the shared bathroom mirror at Mallon Place.

 

[mothman96]

This was his 1st post made today. Posted 6 hrs ago. Looks like he spent time crying.

ETA:
As expected, the Freak not happy Gen Z halloween partying and he's not invited.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CVtrenlpZoc/

 

[37yearolddickrightnow]

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Words that will never be said to the Freak IRL.

Unless it is the puzzle factory whispering that to the Voices on the Wind, I agree.

 

[Gas Station Boner Pills]

Not that he's ever even been in the ballpark with his other zoomer bae baiting techniques, but it's funny how badly he doesn't even realize he's barking up the wrong tree by name dropping all these edgy goth rappers. Goth girls and the kind of women who would actually care about this sort of thing are arguably the largest demographic of women who care the most about the way a guy looks. On average, they care the most about the clothes a guy wears and generally seem to prefer really skinny guys. Lucas wouldn't mind wearing a burlap sack as a shirt and he's got bigger boobs than the biggest of big tiddy goth girls. It's not gonna happen Lucas. If it were ever going to be in the cards, it's 100% not gonna be from the kind of girl who listens to this kind of music.

 

[Kromir]

What? He is acknowledging that he is a Halloween monster?

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

What? He is acknowledging that he is a Halloween monster?

No, it's just more of his "If you don't go with me there will be punishment"

First you go to hell, second you would die of covid, 3rd youd be a bad Democrat or not one at all, fourth you'd be a bigot, fifth you'd be a capitalist, six you'd be a bourgeois pig, etc etc

He has yet to learn that nobody cares what his opinion of them is, and all of his threats and promises of consequences for not getting his acorn wet are utterly empty threats.

 

[VoidFace]

No, it's just more of his "If you don't go with me there will be punishment"

First you go to hell, second you would die of covid, 3rd youd be a bad Democrat or not one at all, fourth you'd be a bigot, fifth you'd be a capitalist, six you'd be a bourgeois pig, etc etc

He has yet to learn that nobody cares what his opinion of them is, and all of his threats and promises of consequences for not getting his acorn wet are utterly empty threats.

He will never learn that because his raging narcissism will never allow it. In his mind everything he says and thinks is necessarily right and important, so of COURSE people value his opinion.

 

[moseph.jartelli]

Luke is off to a great November

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

Mallon Place is taking all of Lucas' money, and thus all his happiness. Time to MOVE ON!

 

[mothman96]

The Freak's eyes still look swollen.
"Where the women at". What happened to lower Post St.

 

[ManbearPig]

Since Lucas made a game about shitting, let's not forget that years ago he made a bullshit rap song about millenial girls while taking a shit. https://youtu.be/ycjS9OCQoL0 As far as his board games go, I still think that Dance of the telomeres was the absolute dumbest one. A game about fat middle aged men dancing with underage girls and using soda to fuck them is far worse. Why did we not hear about that game again?

 

[Gaear Grimsrud]

Lucas totally saw zoomer baes walking around in Halloween costumes and got extremely sexually frustrated.

 

[VoidFace]

Happy Lucas’s birth month, everyone! Now we just wait for the inevitable meltdown when no one gives him a woman for his birthday.

This is one of my favorite times of year for that reason, it’s like a thanksgiving special.