حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

[Mauvman Shuffleboard]

@Mauvman Shuffleboard

That's a weird way to spell @Connor Bible

 

[Coster]

That's a weird way to spell @Connor Bible

Sorry my bad

@The Knife

 

[Smutley]

Over three thousand words!!!!!!

But here's one of the earliest PMs I have with Connor where he says he's starting out on Alphaboy...

9 fucking months ago lol. 3000 words in 9 months. That's 333 words every month - and the PM he sent me was 122. He didn't even write enough to encompass 3 PMs of that length.

Connor you fat fucking failure.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

So why the gorilla avatar? A reference to that talking gorilla in one of the stories he's still writing?

 

[ChameleonBody]

Maybe it's from 2001: A Space Odyssey? Seems like the kind of movie he'd enjoy, or at least pretend to enjoy without having the energy to actually watch it.

 

[Smutley]

Maybe it's from 2001: A Space Odyssey? Seems like the kind of movie he'd enjoy, or at least pretend to enjoy without having the energy to actually watch it.

So I can pretty much say with certainty Connor has not seen, or not sat all the way through:
Videodrome, History of Violence, Cannibal Holocaust, Tetsuo, Eraserhead, Tenbre, 2001, Dirty Harry, The French Connection, Ronin, The Exorcist, Mamie, Psycho, or Vertigo.

I am basing this on the fact that his mother has regularly grounded him from watching violent movies because he's an impressionable young man. Many of these movies he picks fall into genres he thinks are cool and has read the IMDB trivia and wiki synopsis of.

 

[CatParty]

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So I can pretty much say with certainty Connor has not seen, or not sat all the way through:
Videodrome, History of Violence, Cannibal Holocaust, Tetsuo, Eraserhead, Tenbre, 2001, Dirty Harry, The French Connection, Ronin, The Exorcist, Mamie, Psycho, or Vertigo.

I am basing this on the fact that his mother has regularly grounded him from watching violent movies because he's an impressionable young man. Many of these movies he picks fall into genres he thinks are cool and has read the IMDB trivia and wiki synopsis of.

if all he takes from 2001 is "hal was scary" he may want to turn in his film pseudo snob card

 

[Rilakkuma]

if all he takes from 2001 is "hal was scary" he may want to turn in his film pseudo snob card

I doubt he ever watched any of it besides the parts where Hal kills people and the acid trip at the end. So any meaning, cinematography, acting, directing etc that makes the film beautiful is lost on this miserable fat autist.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

his mother has regularly grounded him from watching violent movies

Connor's life is like a socially awkward preteen boy on perpetual summer vacation.

 

[r00]

Everything he says about everything feels like somebody else's regurgitated opinions. Wikipedia is a terrible substitute for experience.

 

[MysticMisty]

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So I can pretty much say with certainty Connor has not seen, or not sat all the way through:
Videodrome, History of Violence, Cannibal Holocaust, Tetsuo, Eraserhead, Tenbre, 2001, Dirty Harry, The French Connection, Ronin, The Exorcist, Mamie, Psycho, or Vertigo.

I am basing this on the fact that his mother has regularly grounded him from watching violent movies because he's an impressionable young man. Many of these movies he picks fall into genres he thinks are cool and has read the IMDB trivia and wiki synopsis of.

I agree, it's absolutely a list compiled of movies Connor decided were the edgiest. Snuff would be on there too if it was on his radar. And he'd probably insist it totally does include a real murder on camera.

 

[Ruin]

Everything he says about everything feels like somebody else's regurgitated opinions. Wikipedia is a terrible substitute for experience.

I don't think he reads either. The only two authors I've ever heard him mention are Stephen King and James Patterson. And the one thing both those authors have in common is they advertise extensively on television.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

How did Connor deal with book reports, essays, or other assignments involving a lot of writing?

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

How did Connor deal with book reports, essays, or other assignments involving a lot of writing?

Very, very, very, very, slowly and most likely to underwhelming success.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Very, very, very, very, slowly

There's a big difference between an assignment in class and Alphaboy or Redesigning Eva: a deadline. A deadline that's a lot sooner than several years or more.

 

[Meowthkip]

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So I can pretty much say with certainty Connor has not seen, or not sat all the way through:
Videodrome, History of Violence, Cannibal Holocaust, Tetsuo, Eraserhead, Tenbre, 2001, Dirty Harry, The French Connection, Ronin, The Exorcist, Mamie, Psycho, or Vertigo.

I am basing this on the fact that his mother has regularly grounded him from watching violent movies because he's an impressionable young man. Many of these movies he picks fall into genres he thinks are cool and has read the IMDB trivia and wiki synopsis of.

His list of "scariest movies" is so odd. There's a bunch of films on there that aren't even close to being horror films.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

How did Connor deal with book reports, essays, or other assignments involving a lot of writing?

Very, very, very, very, slowly and most likely to underwhelming success.

There's a big difference between an assignment in class and Alphaboy or Redesigning Eva: a deadline. A deadline that's a lot sooner than several years or more.

Ah, yes, I believe I have the answer to this.

It's just a really thorough book review, with quotes and citations if I am correct. I just started my semester and reading last week, and I'm already about eight chapters in. My copy of the novel is only about 220 pages long.

I can't believe I'm doing this, but fuck it, I'm back. I wanted to let you guys know I'm almost through reading All Quiet on the Western Front, and that I've calmed down about the whole Null situation. By the way, hello @Smutley .

I passed my first exam with a B, and I'm making progress on my review of All Quiet on the Western Front. Also, I decided to take a close friend's advice, and I joined Fictionpress.

It's because, at present, I'm working on a 5-7 page book review of All Quiet on the Western Front, complete with cited quotes and written in the MLA format. As much as I want to write, I think my education should take precedence. After the assignment is done, I'll do whatever I can to complete something.

Connor spent three weeks talking about how he was reading this super-deep & complex high-school-summer-reading-list literary masterpiece (which, if you're in the States, most of us probably had to read for English class in 8 or 9th grade) & write a grueling 5-7 page paper---in proper MLA format, no less!

After nine weeks, he posted the result. . .a couple pages anyone else could shit out in an hour---that wasn't even finished.

The essay itself.

My book review is practically completed by this point. I just need to punch in a couple of hundred more words, and construct the title and works cited pages. I think I've done a great job.

Show us the book report and maybe we'll believe you. I'll edit it for you if you need any help.

Okay... it's still got to have a bit added to it, and needs a bit of polishing, but alright. One nearly finished book review coming up.

The reception:

That took a week?
And it's still not done?

@The Knife (an actual English professor) offers her input:

Just from a quick skimming...

Did this require a thesis statement? If so, what is it? Where is it?
Non-standard MLA citations throughout. Please research proper citation style.
Academic papers should not contain first-person statements.
Legit, though: no one cares how you feel about this book.

@balcolm breaks it the fuck down (see original post):

Edit: I'll do the entire fucking essay.

Paging @Connor Bible

@The Knife is correct on all counts, but my god your first person is terrible, even if this was a creative/non-academic essay. You talk about yourself as much as the book.

First paragraph:

So much redundancy. I attempted to fix it:

You seem to enjoy bulking your writing, do you think if it's long enough it'll gain value?

Second paragraph:

Third paragraph:

Fourth Paragraph:

Fifth Paragraph:

Sixth Paragraph:

Seventh Paragraph:

Final Notes:

Mainly find a thesis and stick to it. If you can do that then the rest of the criticism is petty. Also don't ever use first person. And fix your citation. Don't ramble, get tighter.

Also I know that people hate when Connor's writing is criticized because well, at least he's writing but that's stupid because he really enjoys writing so he should learn how to improve.

@Ruin drops some deep truths:

I just read that book report and I am one hundred percent serious about this. You have absolutely no talent or future as a writer. Give up this silly pipe dream and take an accounting course or something.

Connor makes excuses:

I figured you guys would tear the review apart on principle. I'm entirely unsurprised.

I put a lot of effort into this, to tell you the truth.

It's only a ten week course. It took me about a week or so to read the book. For the past few weeks, I've been slowly but surely working on this, and ironing out kinks in the process. I'm still going to be editing the beast before turning it in. It's a rough draft.

@Emiya Kiwitsugu sums it up nicely:

...You spent three weeks writing that?

Connor, it's 989 words, that's about forty-seven words a day. I literally wrote more words in this single response than you did in an average day of working on this thing. How much time do you actually put aside a day for this? Five-minutes? Do you even put aside any time? Or does it just fall in that brief window of time for once you're done reading the Farms and masturbating to bellybuttons?

I know I've seen lazy but damn if this isn't taking it to an entirely new, exceptional level.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

nine weeks

The math watching 80s movies comes first.

 

[Smutley]

His list of "scariest movies" is so odd. There's a bunch of films on there that aren't even close to being horror films.

I'm just surprised he didn't include Robocop on there because that movie gave him nightmares for years and started his mom grounding him from watching R rated movies without parental approval.

How did Connor deal with book reports, essays, or other assignments involving a lot of writing?

Boldy gave a recent answer before me, but historically Connor has freaked the fuck out repeated;y. He even gets mad that his awful scumbag distant parents who hate him and want him to die are super supportive.

Even if the end result is always, always:

 

[ToroidalBoat]

The essay itself.

It reads like a pretentious film review.

Spoiler

I rated some posts back then. Guess I forgot all about that.

nightmares for years and started his mom grounding him from watching R rated movies without parental approval

How old was he when that happened?