Boring Lolcows who you don't get the appeal of

[The Cunting Death]

Amberlynn

She's just a fat cunt, we already have enough of those as users here

 

[Daddy's Little Kitten]

DSP, cows in the Weeb Wars, and the crazy trannies.

1. DSP is just lazy and terrible with money, but there's people that fucking graph and track his spending habits.
2. I'm not interested in weebery.
3. Once you've seen a crazy tranny, you've seen them all.

Hamber is running dry, Onision is just predictable, and while Russell provides excellent milk, he can lay low for a while. I also hate how people just repeat themselves over and over on his thread. Imagine getting a notification thinking it may be an update and it's some idiot saying "RUSSELL BAD".

 

[SandyCat]

ClownfishTV and The Quartering

Don't get me wrong, The Quartering is a lolcow for sure but I dunno how he managed to get over 400 pages unless there's some stuff I'm missing

ClownfishTV on the other hand I feel aren't lolcows in my opinion. I can see why some disagree with them but I feel like calling them a lolcow is a stretch

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

A mix between ReviewTechUSA and Mundane Matt.

The only time that they can be funny is if people put compilations about them online on YouTube of them messing up their own lives. Even then, those videos are more interesting than those two in question.

 

[naaaaiiiiillllll!!!]

Bella

Seconding this. Her subforum (still not sure why she got one besides autism containment) is extremely witch-hunty, moral-faggy, and generally not funny. Reading/relying on leaked discord messages is boring and not really engaging content. The whole subforum feels like a meta gayop where everyone involved in will look like an idiot in a couple years.

 

[Niggernerd]

for now? onision

his thread barely get any updates

Its the same shit as usual with him. He realizes he got the most attention from a genuine spergout he had that he later floods the internet with over exaggerated autism in hopes to garner said attention again.

 

[speedweed]

MovieBob has done nothing but tweet the exact same tweets 10 times a day for the past 10 years and somehow people still find new ways to talk about him. Autism is magic.

 

[Snusmumriken]

I still maintain that Doug Walker is not a lolcow. I don’t prefer him as an entertainer but to me lolcows are more about who they are behind the screen and there’s not enough on Doug to prove he’s some shitty insane douchebag in real life. I even met the dude when I was still young and into cringe shit and he was incredibly kind, unlike every other celebrity guest at that particular convention.
On the topic of YouTube reviewers as lolcows, I have grievances with YMS but I have no idea why he has a thread with the rest of the actual dogfucker furry degens.

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

A mix between ReviewTechUSA and Mundane Matt.

The only time that they can be funny is if people put compilations about them online on YouTube of them messing up their own lives. Even then, those videos are more interesting than those two in question.

That time ReviewtechUSA owed a guy 200 dollars was pretty funny. He blacklisted the words $200 and big cheese in his comments. It became a game of finding new ways to remind him he owed Big Cheese Gaming 200 dollars.

 

[cornycat]

I try to stay away from lolcows that are under the "beauty/salon" category. A lot of threads there are predictable and boring. The deathfats aren't interesting either. Sure, obesity sucks, but if I wanted to watch someone wail on tv over how fat they are and be disgusting, I'd watch 600 ib life. Only lolcow that's interesting is nikocado. That's because he's alright at acting.

 

[Dysnomia]

DSP, Onision, Tommy Tooter, Russel Greer.

 

[♦️ King of Diamonds ♦️]

DSP. Honestly. His "detractors" have proven themselves to be way more autistic than DSP himself. Yes- spending all that cash on a shitty WWE mobile game is retarded- but DSP never threatened somebody with a knife or organized swattings like Sons of Kojima (from what little of the DSP lore I understand). He sucks at video games, yeah, but "sucking at video games" can be very subjective.

 

[Knojkamarangasan_#4]

100% Amberlynn. It's just so...mild. I prefer my crazy fatties being crazy and a trainwreck to watch like Chantal. Amberlynn and by extension similar stuff like lifebyjen is so insanely boring. Not a big fan of dsp either. Onision is full of aloggers too.

Also every single tgwtg guy besides spoony. And the entirety of the weeb wars subforum alongside comicsgate.

 

[PumpkinSpiceBitchMeringue]

I tried keeping up to date on the Spoony thread but the guy keeps twitting the same dreadful, pathetic bullshit that I found myself absolutely irritated with his annoying existence. So I closed the tab and read something better elsewhere.

 

[Mountain Dew]

Amberlynn, and a lot of the obese cows.

I don’t know much about DSP, but his financial habits make me laugh.

What makes me lose interest in a thread is when it becomes a bunch of ex-fans and weens who can’t help but PL constantly over their past of pining for said cow. Or artcow threads when every other post is someone trying to upstage said cow. Even if the cow is boring and predictable, the thread culture itself can make the cow interesting.

 

[Pee Cola]

I don't get the appeal of any of the BP lolcows, but maybe that's because I'm a dude instead of a fat chick that enjoys dunking on other fat chicks.

 

[Butter]

In all honesty, most lolcows get boring fast. I'm here for the insights and jokes of the posters; and the happenings.

Byuu saga, chris railing barb, and russ being btfod by whores come to mind in recent history.

Also I have chosen my waifu, it is @Spooky Bones. Thank you for your patience.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

DSP isn't even a lolcow

The guy who constantly lies about, well, everything, constantly e-begs, constantly claims there are trolls to get him, constantly fails at what he is doing despite doing it for over a decade and finds new ways to get himself into some stupid shit, like telling he would've slapped a child or jerking off in front of a camera... Yeah, he isn't a cow.

But back to the topic, since there is a lot.

• DSP is boring, yes, but only now. Before "muh taxes" he was raging at games, raging at fans, raging at trolls, raging at Machinima, raging at Twitch, raging at YouTube, raging at everything. Now he is just playing games half-asleep and rages at half a speed, but still finds ways to be entertaining from time to time. His subforum is a fucking cesspit though. Just try going there and telling "DSP is just a clueless streamer with bad spending habits" and you will find out that DSP is a criminal with a fake prostitute wife and should lose his house and die.
• Amberlyn - was never interesting to begin with, period. It's just some fat bitch who lies and creates drama.
• Tommy Tooter - yes, he is a pedo zoophile tranny, but at this point it's just people trolling him here to get the reaction.
• Brianna Wu is boring now, but that's kinda obvious since even journos aren't trying to dig up GayGate as often as they used to.
• Gunt. Yes, he shined brightly with his sex tape, but otherwise it's just a bunch of people nitpicking his every move, who are so bored at this point, that they even shittalk his children before they are born. Pathetic.
• ILJ and everyone around her. Her subforum is unfunny moral circlejerk without any substance and people blow her out of proportions in a vain attempt to cover for Chris, who just admitted in his letter that he fucked Barb out of his own volition. Again.
• MovieBob. Yes, he is a twitter sperg, but just like with Gunt, that's it, however, his thread keeps dissecting every little thing he spews.
• Boogie. He is like Hamberlyn, only male and sometimes shoots at people. Fat fuck caught in a web of lies he created.
• Doug Walker. Yes, his videos are shit, but it's not a secret, everyone knows that. Ironically, people watch them just to shit on them in his thread and claim how bad he is for a 10000th time.
• Quarterpounder. I mean, yeah, he is shit at what he does, but I see no reason to watch his videos at all, even just to shit on them. They are like white noise.

 

[Spurdo]

Rainer Winkler/Drachenlord. Obviously a lot of the conext on him is lost on me because I don't speak German very well but he just seems like your typical fat lonely neckbeard. The people who fuck with him seem like they are bigger lolcows then he is.

Hard for a non-European person to see just how true this is. While other cows are especially funny because they keep fucking up without outside interference, Rainer is the opposite, with his only point of notability being his (understandably) aggressive reaction to trolls showing up at his doorstep. (Also some CWC-esque fake girlfriend sagas where the only goal was to make him cry.) It's gotten to the point where he's more well-known by the general public in Germany than any cow is in America. Not because he does anything particularly interesting or awful, but for the huge amount of scum he attracts after doxxing himself in a fit of rage several years ago. The 40-person village where he lives gets police interventions every few days, which costs the taxpayer thousands of euros per year. And while he knows very well that the weens would disappear if he just stopped streaming, in his mind that's just exactly what the bad guys want, and he will never be able to quit. Drachenlord is CWC in 80% less autistic but with 100% of the horrible trolls.

 

[Ken Barlow]

The guy who constantly lies about, well, everything, constantly e-begs, constantly claims....WORDS

Nigga, really...

Writing a whole ass essay kind of proves the OP’s point. We get it, some users like DSP, others don't. That’s cool. I enjoy laughing at the daft cunt and his spastic Dee-Tractors myself, but others simply don't see the appeal.

I, personally, am partial to Pixy, Masaokis and Jack Scalfani. Others are not keen on them and that’s cool. Swings and roundabouts.

On an unrelated note – adore your work on KOP/Bryan Dunn. You don’t get put over enough for rewriting that trainwreck of an OP