Lolcow KingCobraJFS / Josh Saunders - Amateur musician, YouTube Streamer, wandmaker, and self-proclaimed "sexy goth badboy". Perpetually circling the drain.

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Bogliacci said:
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The Cum Mead
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Initially, I wrote off the botulism risks. I've brewed cider before, it was easy enough that even Josh could manage it.
Then he started adding all sorts of shit to his "mead" like reese's peanut cups and bacon bits.
Now I see him producing so many half finished meads that I suspect on a long enough timeline, his chance of giving himself botulism approaches 1. It won't be the drinking that kills cobes, but the brewing.

Additionally, I highly highly doubt he will be able to hit "20%" abv as he claimed in a recent stream. It's hard to make anything above 5 before the alcohol starts killing off the yeast. He might still be using wine yeast, but there's zero chance he gets to 20% without fortification.
 
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Small G genocide said:
It's hard to make anything above 5 before the alcohol starts killing off the yeast. He might still be using wine yeast, but there's zero chance he gets to 20% without fortification.
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I agree that 20% is unlikely, but you are dumb for saying it's hard to get over 5%. High school kids who leave juice bottles in their locker hit 5%. Prisoners making turlet wine out of ketchup packets and bread get over 5%.

To get 20%+, he would need to use a turbo yeast, typically used for ferments that are going to be distilled, like whiskey or rum. The manufacturer grows the yeast cells so they are super large, which increases the surface area of the cell wall, allowing them to process the sugar faster. Fermentation is usually completely done in 48 hours. If you reuse the slurry, you do not get the same effect, because the big yeast have reproduced, creating small yeast again.

EC-1118 can get to 16-18% under ideal conditions, which this isn't. But we can expect a little flexibility in this area, as Cobes is putting 5 gallons worth of dry yeast in to 1 gallon of "must". The yeast will wake up, start fermenting, and consume the sugar before they start getting stressed and all die. He could really get over 15%.

All this doesn't matter though, because Cobes will drink it before its done fermenting. He will drink 6% Cum Mead and consider it a success.
 
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Doxmatix said:
You've cracked the mead mystery - all this time and we never saw it - he's just making ghost drinks for all his favorite dead celebrities.
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I think that could be an interesting drink combo gimmick. But knowing Cobes he'd probably default to things HE likes and not what flavours any given celebrity is associated with, so the Ozzy Osbourne drink combo would be peach cobbler flavoured alcohol and some gross shooter that curdles.
 
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PetiteFeet said:
I think that could be an interesting drink combo gimmick. But knowing Cobes he'd probably default to things HE likes and not what flavours any given celebrity is associated with, so the Ozzy Osbourne drink combo would be peach cobbler flavoured alcohol and some gross shooter that curdles.
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As long as he puts a plastic bat in it it'll be goth as fuck toobz.
 
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I can't say I've seen someone physically recoil from redbull before, goth teeth aren't doing so hot

edit: he's absolutely plastered at 10:00 AM
 
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Shishou Dollars said:
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I can't say I've seen someone physically recoil from redbull before, goth teeth aren't doing so hot

edit: he's absolutely plastered at 10:00 AM
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He mentions it being the evening at one point. He may have just forgotten to upload this last night.

He also said this was the last hard monster of "the pack" and has an almost empty bottle of lemonade smirnoff. I don't think he had these in his last live. That's a lot of alcohol consumed in such a short time off camera.

Can't handle tooth pain without alcohol, can't stomach alcohol without sugar. A real catch 34.
 
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Just imagine Josh streaming live from his clocktower barbie dreamhouse, cans of girly beverages, empty duster and piles of dust littered around his flea-bitten gothic throne. He attempts to launch into another gender relayshuns rant but is suddenly interrupted by a loud BING BONG BING BONG. Outside, an army of doordashers have laid siege to Count Bogula's castle and have failed to read the chickenscratch handwriting instructing them to "NOT ring the bell, ignore instructions telling you to ring the bell, I am a youtube celebrity being gangstalked, if it's paid for, leave it at the door".

Josh waddles off-camera, a single "gawd-dAMNit" can be heard echoing through the empty, of-age women-less halls. Cobra yells out through the gothic arrowslit turret to the huddled masses who have trekked through the treacherous Wyoming mountains to reach the hallowed Gothic halls and deliver their happy meals with no meat, extra onions, extra mustard, no cheese, extra shredded lettuce. He does his sullen toddler-march back in, sits back down on the chair, mcdonalds bag in hand, and informs us all how he rules our sad lives but is interrupted again as a loud BING BONG BING BONG once again reverberates through the entire house.
 
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Realistically how do you thinn Cobes dies? Me and a few buds have came up with a few.

Infection reaches brain/bloodstream and he fuckin croaks dies in his sleep

Dies from huffing/drinking on cam

The lathe incident

Actual botulism

Or for an oldie but goldie. Gets drunk on cam drunkenly plays with shotgun and ronney mcnut's himself on cam accidentally.


I hope cobes isn't the first cow to die on cam but his is the most likely what with the alogs sending him shit to kill himself with like air duster, booze, lathe, and probably even the catfood.
 
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Potion_Time said:
We did it cobros. Inshallah may Allah cast a circle of protection on this thread.

I still feel like even at a thousand pages, Kingcobrajfs is easily the most underappreciated lolcow on Kiwifarms.
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He's definetly one of the most tame. Nothing really sketchy going on except how he often brings up the totally not mad a 4th grader turned him down, and his groping of a retarded girl.
 
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Noxe said:
He's definetly one of the most tame. Nothing really sketchy going on except how he often brings up the totally not mad a 4th grader turned him down, and his groping of a retarded girl.
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It's the total package to be honest. The way he always looks like an insane cross between a cowboy and a homeless vietnam vet. The fact that he is a sicko and serial sex pest by his own admissions. The fact that he is genuinely one of the most retarded yet somewhat functioning human beings on the planet. And add a zesty blend of alcoholism and middle school level drug abuse to the mix.

And it doesn't stop there. The cobraverse is one of the most gummo like places on the planet. We have an entire rogues gallery to work with. We have Homeboy Scotty (RIP), Juan apprentice Goldfinger (who I was certain at first was Shon come to life through the boglims dark magic), we have homefelon Ian, Notable bum and animal sex pest Scrapper Steve, and the cherry on top of this filthy sundae? Homedad Clint. Genuinely one of the most absurd and Tobias Funke like human beings on the planet is father to our dark lord.

KingCobraJFS is the slowest of slowburn lolcows. But the recipe for magic is always present.
 
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beepbopisuckcock said:
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Why is he trying to kill his pancreas and liver in one go?
Does yeast ferment with that much fat in solution?
Will the fats go rancid before he drinks it?
At what point does it stop being 'mead'?
Can Cobes ever admit he did something dumb?
Do chocolate and mango actually taste good together?
If Elvis were alive, would he drink the banana peanut butter bacon beverage?
Is drinking yeast slurry actually providing benefit to Cobes in the form of B vitamins?
Should he try to make a cat food based wine next?

The mead saga was never supposed to look like this. It was supposed to be a cheat code for endless booze, on-stream blackouts, and constant wellness checks. He had so many resources and weens try and guide him. So many ways to go right, but we wound up here.
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cant unretard a boglim
Bogliacci said:
Happy 1000 pages my fellow cool cobras!
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social media doesnt give a shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
 
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