random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Meat Target]

You're the poster child of what King Solomon had in mind when he wrote proverbs related to not sticking your dick in crazy bitches.

 

[Gentlebastard]

This is called the argument from privilege. It doesn't affect me, therefore it isn't a problem.

Neil has a young daughter. Let's say a troon walks into the women's bathroom or locker room where your daughter is and leers at her while stroking his oh-so-feminine penis. Do you care now, Neil?

Canada isn't sending their best.

This could have been avoided but you just had to go for that Darwin award

Did the monorail yell "This is MAGA country" before it killed the nigger?

I think I am going to start carrying around a cheap phone with the SRS thread loaded up on it and just start shoving that in front of people who do not see why this shit has to be stopped.

Hmmm, black faggot vs Muslim minor. White supremacy strikes again!

Don't mind me, I'm just unwinding after chasing the neighborhood kids off my lawn.

He died doing what he loved: Being penetrated by guys behind gas stations at 11pm.

When someone with main character syndrome finds out they weren't the main character after all. Plot armour don't exist IRL, dude.

What do you get when you have 1 million starving Africans?

Five million starving Africans.

He's become so swole that he wishes for nothing but problems so that he can personally solve all of them with violence.

They used to have leper colonies, just do one with trannies.

Find a large island, drop em all there, and then once a week fly in a few pallets of junk food, tendies, knee socks and copies of current trendy Product to Consoom.

If your game isn't fun you have failed as a game developer.
If your food doesn't taste good you have failed as a chef.
If your lolcow isn't funny you have failed as a KiwiFarms poster.

well nowadays they synthesize and use vanillan made from like tree bark and shit*. we have progressed past the need for beaver booty glands

*not that kind of shit, scat fetishists.

I can't believe you people would, here on the Kiwi Farms of all places, literally genocide me by denying the importance of everything I like being cosmically important and tied to the very intrinsic meaning of the universe. What's next, denying that my grilled cheese was a detailed message from the natural forces of Gender as to what should be my life's work? (Trying to "life hack" cis lesbians into having sex with me. My DMs are open if you'd like to help the universe, girls.)

He's too busy spamming Quora with "I don't know"

I don't know why people post these things on social media.

I get it, we can tell funny anecdotes among our friends over a couple of beers and that's a mostly harmless activity but you are blasting your intimate details to thousands of people. It literally will only ever end up right here, right on this thread, where people will mock you for your lack of candor.

 

[Dire Dire Cocks]

Reddit - Dive into anything

www.reddit.com

“In this clip, you can see Pipkin Pippa manipulating her Japanese co-worker into thinking that KiwiFarms is a 'good place' (when in reality, it's actually a Alt-Right/Far-Right/Neo-Nazi honeypot, and a cyberbully honeypot), calling them her ‘Kiwi Bros’”

 

[Black Man Underwear]

https://kiwifarms.st/threads/irelan...ng-to-rape-female-staff.169069/#post-16587370

An extremely dangerous transgender inmate has been hastily moved out of the women’s wing of Limerick Prison after repeat threats to rape and injure female staff.

“If I got into [my mother’s] house I would run towards her and put the knife into her body; I would want to prolong my mum’s suffering for as long as possible… I would stab her, but not in her heart or neck, I’d want to put her through lots of torture, fear and humiliation.”

 

[Hamplanet Fitness]

That's the first time I've heard someone invoke their constitutional right to get AIDS.

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

Learn to tune a carb for alcohol, faggot

Please pass the eye bleach. I did not need to see that much bad lesbo Final Fantasy 7 fanart in my quest to find bulge. I also didn't need the quest to find bulge.

I genuinely wish the glowniggers uploading this doomer shit would just kill themselves already instead of being pussies with this attention seeking bullshit.

If life is really that bad then do it faggot. Wait you won’t because you’re full of shit as always.

i love stairs

That means you have the incel mindset and therefore I laugh.

 

[Too Many Catgirls]

If Jim Jones had survived Jonestown, would he also have been considered a viable presidential candidate?

 

[Useful_Mistake]

Russell would never fuck a woman

Bless you for not being disabled

The heroic and uplifting story of the elite concubine who overcame having her face blowed off to become fap material for a bunch of dudes with retard dog avatars.

it seems kind of mean to pitch to an island of 725 people that they just become Kiwi Farms Island.

instantly recognized that art style, what a fucking chad

I didn't know Playboy still put women on the cover

 

[Meat Target]

Let's be honest, he looks more like a reject Garbage Pail kid that was put out of its misery for being too hideous and then unceremoniously dumped in a ditch and left to bloat in the sun

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

Oh my god he actually is 5'7''

You have a way with words, implying that he doesn't already look like a swollen cabbage patch doll

He really needed a lesson taught to him here and he didn't get it. The taxpayers were screwed. We paid for that beating he didn't get!

Let's be honest, he looks more like a reject Garbage Pail kid

 

[Gentlebastard]

This is oldschool faggotry

On the one hand we have those who would like to see a 500 pound bomb dropped on her from a great height, and on the other we have people who wish for a 1000 pound bomb to be dropped on her from a great height.

I find myself agreeing equally with both options.

Listen if we're a gang, I want my cut, cause I've been doing this shit for free.

"Live in squalor, own nothing, and die for Israel and fat niggers goy" isn't a compelling message?

Well gee, who would have thought?

Look at it. He's at about ahead shorter than all of them. How threatened can you be by a lispy pigman with noodle arms?

This is BY FAR the best Pig-Human Hybrid news segment we've seen so far.

We're not the Internet Batman. We're the Internet Statler and Waldorf.

Which would be a funny mental image if we didn't have this poor sod to look at.

Under your rules, Chris-Chans art could be defended under
U JUST DON'T GET IT!!!!!
And should be put in the louvre.

Even amidst the enormously harrowing sneed withdrawals, it still took me (and other avid farmers) far too long to figure out the simplicity of the Tor window on Brave

 

[demicolon]

With a cover like that, you'd think some weirdo online somewhere would have duct taped that cartridge to a Yoda doll strapped to his bed where he then proceeded to fuck it and snap a picture to gross people out, but I've never seen one. Therefore, Turok 3 is a psyop and isn't real.

 

[Flexo]

I think it's funny, but also sad, that that would get me labeled a "kiwifarmer." People are very quick to label nowadays. I am no one's guy but my own.

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

If your game isn't fun you have failed as a game developer.
If your food doesn't taste good you have failed as a chef.
If your lolcow isn't funny you have failed as a KiwiFarms poster.
Luckily these lolcows are pretty funny.

 

[LurkTrawl]

I want to believe in aliens, but the government says they're real.

 

[Gentlebastard]

Hide thot articles, ignore simp posts, do not reply to ho grifters.

That is the thousand yard stare of a man who knows exactly how bad things really are.

The thing is, short women make your dick look bigger. Let’s do some autistic math here. A 6” dilz (mine is much bigger of course) is 10% of the height of a 5’ woman. A 6’ woman? Uh oh, you’re in the 8.3% range.

Beating niggers with sticks transcends age, sex, race, religion and politics.

It's a truly universal joy.

The arrogance is palpable, so the comeuppance is joyous.

That was a glorious third-world ass whupping.

You do not hate corporate journalists enough.

You think you do, but you do not.

Never give up on your dreams of being tthe #1 lolcow, kids: if you can dream it, you can do it!

So, yes, it's a women, and my assessment is wrong. I bow to your superior trans spotting powers.

by the infant baby child Jesus H. Christ, this is the funniest shit I've heard all year

Nobody cares if you're gay or black, fellow faggot.
Just don't be a tranny or a nigger.

I believe the technical term for what happened here is Death By Nigga Moment.

maybe dancing naked in front of the Muslims at gas stations at 11 PM is not the very best idea in general

memes are made to be stolen

Just because she's sucked plenty of dicks doesn't mean she understand masculinity.

Holy shit, that's the gayest thing I've read today and that's saying a lot in the farms.

even as a coomer, i would kill myself it half my recommendation was even close to this

there's a gif of him shooting a rifle that is super kino, to the point that this is the first time I've ever used the word kino because there's no other word to describe it. He's awkwardly balled up and every time he fires his tricep jiggles like a fat girl on a trampoline

I never thought I'd ever say this, but the way he holds it in the first picture makes holding a pistol look gay.

The way [he] holds that gun is gayer than if he were jerking off two dicks with each hand.

Where I live we say "gayer than two dudes fucking three dudes", but your point stands - it is incredibly homosexual.

Black people commit 100% of all crime. Sometimes even more. That is a statistical fact.

Things can be funny and retarded at the same time. This whole website is a testament to that.

• Carthage 146 BC: Scipio Africanus burns the jewel of the Mediterranean, and Punic civilisation along with it.
• Rome 410 AD: The Eternal City, the center of the world itself, falls to Alaric, King of the Goths.
• Jerusalem 1099 AD: Godfrey of Bouillon enters the City of God, and claims the Holy Land in Christ's name.
• Constantinople 1453 AD: Mehmed the Conqueror brings low the Theodasion Walls with cannons that cracked the heavens.
• New York, 2023 AD: Some nigger promised a load of other niggers some PS5's, and upon failure to deliver they chimped the fuck out, shot some shit up (including in one case, themselves), and then proceeded to fight each other cause that just be how niggas be fr fr.

Fuck me even our city sackings have become gay.

 

[MrJokerRager]

Russia protected by the Knights who say Ni.

When has fake women stopped lonely permavirgins from whacking their meat? Has the author never heard of anime?

Something tells me a lot of these comments go something like "good morning beautiful i fly you to kolkata pls".

I hate middle-aged middle-class women so much it's unreal. Love from Tajikistan.

Wow, I've never seen a picture that encapsulates the kind of person ruining America more than this very one. Impressive, OP.

I suppose ‘queen bee’ is the term I’m looking for, only the 2023 Africanised killer version of it, with TikTok.

 

[Finger Pistols]

I hate to break it to you but my father has these models. This isn't the 1950s anymore. Every Christian priest in America has a naked model of the queen (Volydymyr Zelensky) in their asshole (literally).

I don't even know who queen Volydymyr Zelensky is or if it even exists

 

[Seafarer]

It's like the plot of Mean Girls, except the women are ugly, fat, and retarded

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

That troon has the misshapen skull of an achondroplagic midget but I think is a regular sized person.