random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[vomitusdeux]

Sex with knives (easier) or swords (more erotic but unwieldy)

Tim Cook is standing over Steve Jobs' gravestone right now (designed by Jony Ive out of unibody aluminum) and you guys just want to install Fortnite! How disrespectful! Steve Jobs died for our sins!

She wasn't a tranny, though, she was just Iranian.

What's your excuse kiwicel? Real ponymaxxers take the rape pill.

Extremely masculine jawline for a natal woman, but that seems pretty common of sand people (maybe that's the real reason all the women are forced to wear burkas).

Chris has turned into a goanimate grounded user

Yoooo, MrEnter lookin kinda sexy tho.
If you told me that was a younger photo of Ted Kaczynski then I'd believe you.

Mr. President, a second deformed wheelchair pooner has hit the internet.

I'm glad ABC7 had that NEWS ON YOUR SIDE watermark, almost thought something fucked up was going on but that made me feel safe.

have a screenshot of a pooner in a fursuit sounding her urethra while filming it for reddit.

 

[Jesters]

I thought "avocado picker" was some sort of new racial slur, but it was in fact just a guy picking avocados.

 

[CallmeCicada]

I AM FULL OF LIFE LIKE THE LIFE IM POUNDING INTO YOUR FUCKING MOTHER

I've come to make an announcement: Joshua Conner Moon is a BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER. He PISSED ON MY FUCKING reputation. That's right, he took his broken, misshapen, fuckin' autistic dick out and he fucking PISSED ON MY REPUTATION, and he said his dick can smash "THIS MANY BOX", and I said THAT'S DISGUSTING! So I am making a callout post on my Deviantart dot com:

Joshua Conner Moon, you got a broke dick! It's as misshapen as one of my anime girls, except with less amputation marks. And guess what? HERE'S WHAT MY DONG LOOKS—
(Banned)

 

[Makhnovshchina]

What's the provenance of this quote?

The one and only Francis E. Dec Esquire

 

[Onni Kalsarikännit]

Futanari? Yeah great. Didn’t know what that was but I know if it’s Japanese sounding I know it’s fucked. Always.

 

[CallmeCicada]

who would win 1 hitler with 1000 bbcs or 1000 hitlers but only 1 has a bbc

 

[Betonhaus]

You'll probably wear a slutty bomb vest.

 

[Poonocchio]

Ages ago, there was a website that showed a technique for women to pee standing up involving pulling the inner labia out and up, and learning to start and stop the stream without dribbling

Sorry if clocky.

 

[ScooterL]

Mr. Greer: (Inaudible)

 

[slungus22]

i am NOT A STALKER
i an NOT A CHILD
I AM AN ADULT WHO DOESNT FUCKING STALK PEOPKE

 

[DoNotFeedTheSneed]

No one is going to argue Fairly Odd Parents lore with a disgusting disabled freak who jacks off to animals.

 

[Gentlebastard]

He'll limp along, fuelled by spite and salmonella.

We don't need a whore czar.

To be fair, it's impossible to compete with the unceasing march of time. Shit has been so crazy in the last 9 years that it's genuinely hard to satirize.

He... he used a fucking pressure cooker to cook hard boiled eggs? Why not just grill it on top of an active volcano where a drone holds the egg above lava?

That is the gayest thing I've ever seen, and I've seen multiple episodes of Drag Race, Angels in America, several pride parades, and Patty's rape-eyed gym selfies.

To be fair, even in his regular street clothes, he's wearing the outfit of a fag

 

[The Lawgiver]

I'm not letting something this fucking insane go and possibly vanish.

Fetishs are Para social in many ways people have fetishs even before they sexually mature or develop.
Something like ageplay is one of those weird intersection fetishs like crossdressing because there is an agp aspect to it but there is also legitimate gender dysphoria.

 

[Sexy Potoo]

Mr. Greer: (Inaudible)

This is peak random.txt shit right here. Please continue Russ, it's a blast to watch.

 

[Aunt Carol]

I'm rooting for the funniest possible outcome that doesn't involve child neglect.

Jack’s life is basically the backstory of some pig demon in a Clive Barker novella.

“yeah bestie, 420 hotbox that womb erry day”

It's the same fat fucking retard that needs 10 different Grill devices.
It's the same fat fucking retard that needs 10 different Knife-Sets.
It's the same fat fucking retard that needs 10 different Pots & Pan-Sets

 

[Dixieland Buckaroo]

View attachment 7391653

No action was taken.

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Funny enough, you yourself have roped yourself.

 

[Sock Tuah]

go kill yourself please. do u have any idea how fucking stupid you sound my parents pay my rent you retarded asshole!

 

[Dead Gay Muppet Gangbang]

Kill cyclists. Behead cyclists. Roundhouse kick a cyclist into the concrete. Slam dunk a cyclist faggot into the trashcan. Crucify filthy bike riders. Defecate in a cyclist’s food. Launch cyclists into the sun. Stir fry cyclists in a wok. Toss cyclists into active volcanoes. Urinate onto a cyclist’s handle bars. Judo throw cyclists into a wood chipper. Twist cyclists’ heads off. Report cyclists to the IRS. Karate chop cyclists in half. Curb stomp pregnant cyclists. Trap cyclists in quicksand. Crush cyclists in the trash compactor. Liquefy cyclists in a vat of acid. Eat cyclists. Dissect cyclists. Exterminate cyclists in the gas chamber. Stomp cyclists skulls with steel toed boots. Cremate cyclists in the oven. Lobotomize cyclists. Mandatory abortions for cyclists. Grind cyclist fetuses in the garbage disposal. Drown cyclists in fried chicken grease. Vaporize cyclists with a ray gun. Kick old cyclists down the stairs. Feed cyclists to alligatos. Slice cyclists with a katana.
Total cyclist death.

 

[CaddestSlown]

The retarded faggot that cried tears of blood over losing a couple hundred bucks in the stock market is a constitutional scholar now. Tune in tomorrow to find out what he claims to be an expert in!!

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

Lots of professional homeless in power chairs; it's a mobile battlestation.