random_text.txt

[MediocreMilt]

“Do you remember my viral bread tweets? People doxxed my parents. Over bread.”

 

[Cheeseburger Picnic]

No, I'm not like Chris, because I don't consider myself exceptional at all. In fact, I feel uncomfortable with praise.

 

[Hamberlard Raid]

I'm actually really good at working suicide hotlines.
Nobody I've talked to has ever called back.

Even hiding her chin collection she resembles an albino pumpkin with pinkeye

Joe Biden. Ready to grab America by the shoulders and uncomfortably sniff our hair.

I'm just calmly waiting for one of Joe's eyes to swell up to the size and attain the color of a plum during a debate, and then burst, showering the other candidates, the moderators, and the first row with blackened vitreous humor, and he just keeps on gabbling at a rapid-fire stutter ending with "If you don't like the goo, vote someone else for dogcatcher. I'm a republican! I'm a democrat! I'm a demopublican! Reedle reedle reedle! Let me put your daughter on my lap so she can feel my leg hairs! 155 million Americans murdered by Corn Pop! Give 'em a shotgun blast through the door! AR-15's too heavy!"

No wonder she took her sweet time to post her weight, she probably sat on the toilet for 2 hrs trying to push every bit of shit out

Amber would nibble Becky's clit if it meant she could save face, she's that desperate for people to believe her.

 

[Floop]

He was a man of few words, most of them "nigger."

Even when I can afford it, I steal toilet paper. It's a sport to me.
I had a drinking buddy whose brother wouldn't buy tp so they'd just hop in the shower and spray their ass after a dook (free water in their rental).

 

[Sylvie Paula Paula]

Really? Because I like jerking off to women in jeans.

 

[Return of the Freaker]

Bravo to this young child for licking all the doors

 

[Sylvie Paula Paula]

 

[Return of the Freaker]

You know I stopped going to pride after the pup pervs started showing up.

Child Sex Beast is the worst Bloodborne boss.

I hope she has all her shots. Especially the birth control one.

Love wins. Bark bark!

If magick is real, this is like an anti-magic charm to cringe away the harmony of the universe.

 

[Disc]

I'm a neurotic fucking idiot, but drink some booze, play with your pets, masturbate, black out. Whatever it takes.

Source

 

[FuckedUp]

Can confirm, my dad works for Nintendo in the Bernie Sanders division and he says the same thing.

 

[TV's Adam West]

he should probably get sent to prison and raped in jail or something

I used to be afraid of geese, but then my dad got me a pellet gun when I was 10.

we do not forgive
we do not forget
expect us

"What's so bad about mayonnaise?" she burbles as she slathers it all over her tits.

When you have rape fantasies and write rape fan-fiction you probably have disdain for the concept of consent.

Yes, I do not care much for Nazis, either

 

[Big Nasty]

I think his mom takes care of the cat when he's jailed up. That's how she found his butt plug last time he was locked up.

 

[Disc]

Super Tuesday was a good day. An assortment of quotes from the Super tuesday megathread. Bolded are my favourites.

"Biden will do fine and Bernie wasn't as good as you imagined."
(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

That.... might be the most stupid, contrived, hypocritical statement made on this very sub forum.

If Bernie wins this girl I met canvassing will sleep with me tonight. (self.ChapoTrapHouse)

Can you two re.tards shut the fuck up for ten minutes or fuck i'm trying to enjoy the disaster going on at the moment

Biden winning in states where he didn't even campaign ...

Confusing your wife with your sister, no wonder Joe won Alabama.

"We need to start thinking of ways to revolt non-electorally."
"You can’t bench the bar. How can you lead a revolution you beta bitch"

Im sick. Ive spent months financially supporting bernie. I saw him as an investment, free college, he would ginally clear my debts. I have been foregoing new switch games and funko pops for months and the boomers are making it all worthless. God I hate this country
And the best reply:
The that I'm not sure if this is satire says a lot about the absolute state of redditors. If you would have added something about star wars and soy milk it would be easier

"I'm moving to Europe fuck you"
"I would not be making this announcement if the outcome of the election did not affect the modpack and the modded Minecraft community."

You don't come back from an ass fucking like this.

What fascism?

I got a call from the DNC asking for money and the woman they had call hung up on me when I started laughing my rear end off.

Watching Twitter implode over this is the highlight of it all.

Man, here I am thinking I’m doing a good job collecting quotes for random.txt, and Arm Pit Cream blows me out of the water with guilt-tripping election-mongering transsexual Minecraft modders.

CUCK MY LIFE INTO PIECES
I HAVE NO BLACK SUPPORT
SUFFOCATION
HEART STOPPED BEATING
DON'T GIVE A FUCK
CAUSE REDDIT IS SEETHING

DO NOT TELL ME TO BE CALM. Being told to calm down is a fucking trigger point for me and seeing that phrase repeated over and over again on this sub is not helping. I REPEAT, LET ME FUCKING VENT.
[...]
RANT OVER BAN ME

 

[Hamberlard Raid]

MUH GRANMER GAVE ME PATATERS WHEN I WUZ A BABBY INSTEAD OF BABBY FUD.

It shows.

CRUSHING NIGGERS

CRUSHING FAGGOTS

CRUSHING WAMMEN

CRUSHING INDIANS

CRUSHING COMMIES

THE JOEMENTUM CANNOT BE STOPPED

THE JOEMENTUM CANNOT BE CONTAINED

Twice the cushion for a awkward pushin.

Well that is how commies work, they steal your money, they steal your food and they steal your jokes.

 

[TV's Adam West]

I don't want to be cured of autism

 

[Floop]

You sign up to Kiwifarms.net, a website that allows users to post their personal information online anonymously. The site's purpose is to allow users to express themselves without fear of retribution or reprisal due to their opinions being unpopular or offensive.

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaandrew DOBSON, professional ARTIST, traces pictures OF BIG BEN
goes to sell them, at conventions

 

[MediocreMilt]

As a fat woman working in food justice,

 

[HumanHive]

We're all gang stalkers and we know where you are.

 

[FuckedUp]

You make corona sound like the ideal libertarian government, TBH.