The Ralpha Ranch - Ethan Ralph is A Broke Ass Bitch and His Bitch Ass Fans Will NEVER Form a Ranch

[♦️ King of Diamonds ♦️]

Why doesn't he build the Ralph Ranch at the Ralphaswamp?
He can be the first guy ever to run an Alligator Ranch.
Shit he could make fucking money doing that if he sold the leather for fucking designer clothes, if thats a non starter he could give tours like that place I visited in Florida.

Can confirm- alot of people (myself included- I own a alligator skin wallet and holster for my CCW) are willing to pay out the nose for Alligator leather products. Plus he could theoretically claim a psychological victory in his mind by profiting off the death of troublesome Gators, the namesake of his ex-Producer

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

oh, this is fucking fantastic! the drunken swine wallowing in his rented concrete sty hasn't the slightest clue!

I have to call this out as an absolutely perfect burn. The eloquence, flow and allegory...this is the kind of epigram Martial would write to troll the fuck out of Juvenal.

Just spectacular.

 

[Takayuki Yagami]

No shit. This is the same guy who thought a chicken salad sandwich on a paper plate was a flex and also thinks his TJ Maxx wardrobe is a flex. He’s such a complete pov that he has no reference points for how non-trash lives.

This is also the guy that’s never been gainfully employed even as he’s nearly 40. Fuck me, even Chris tried in his own shitty way.

Nigga has no concept of what any amount of money is worth.

 

[Sperglord666]

He belongs on a ranch

If his ass was on a ranch, it's long past time to send him to market. Eventually he's going to get too old and the meat's going to go bad.

 

[SaidNoOneEver]

oh, this is fucking fantastic! the drunken swine wallowing in his rented concrete sty hasn't the slightest clue!

in mexico, there are two types of land that, even if "purchased", cannot simply be "owned" by americans:
ejido land, which is agricultural land that is owned by the community, and land in the zona restringida, which is land within 50 kilometers of the coast, or land within 100 kilometers of an international border.

these lands are frequently offered for sale at unbelievable prices by "real estate agents" to ignorant americans, and ethan ralph is the perfect mark. however, trying to purchase ejido land is the mexican equivilent of trying to purchase land on a native american reservation, and trying to purchase land in the zona restrinida is like trying to purchase national park or forest land.

all mexican legal documents are in spanish, a language the swine does not understand beyond the word taco. even if he finds an honest real estate agent, he'll still need a notary (who is appointed by the state, and must be an attorney with at least five years of legal experience) to translate the documents. if there's conflict between an english version and a spanish version of any legal document, the spanish version always prevails in court.

in addition, purchasing property in mexico does not automatically grant residency or citizenship. it may allow him to apply for a temporary residency visa, but only if the property is valued above a certain amount (about $200,000 - $400,000, depending on which criteria is used). he cannot use property investment to apply for permanent residency for at least four years, although he can also apply for temporary or permanent residency by documenting that he (as well as his spouse and his dependents) meet the income criteria for at least six months prior to each application. (source)

also, why am i not surprised that he included mexico city in his list of beaches? lol. fat fucking gringo.

Do you have a source for the property ownership ban for Americans within 50km from the coast? I'm curious because an American acquaintance of mine owns a rather large house with a private beach on the ocean just outside Puerto Vallarta that I've spent some time at.

I think this is the second time I've seen you claim that his brother has ownership in the swamp, and to my knowledge that isn't true. You can see the docs here: https://kiwifarms.net/threads/the-ralphaswamp.117605/
He has ownership with another family member, but not his brother. No idea where you're getting 16.667% from. The latest tax record has Ethan's name it now:
"//RALPH, HOWARD LOUIS (FR Clyde Ralph)
//ETHAN RALPH (FR RONALD EUGENE RALPH 281-182) -FR COPELAND, RICHARD & CYNTHIA"
So Howard got it from Clyde, assumption that's what FR means since it's also listed with Ethan's dad's name. So Ethan got it from Ronald and Ronald got it from Richard & Cynthia. That means Howard and Ethan are the only two owners, meaning Ethan has 50% ownership.

He owns half of the house in West Memphis with his brother. However, that basically means he owns it completely because he got guardianship over his brother.

That "swampland" is about 200 miles from any swamp. It's wooded timberland that'd be perfect for a hunting camp but not much else. I'll give him $25k for it.

 

[Popper Whiting]

I say we all chip in $100 for the Ranch for Ralph and his orbiters, and each chip in a further $50 a month for "Ranch supervisors". Call it Guntwitz and stick the slogan "El trabajo hace a uno" over the big iron gate. This is the answer to the Killstream question.

 

[Blue Miaplacidus]

Last I looked, Ralph was paying the taxes on the crack shack. What surprises me most about that one is that he hasn't sold it yet. The latest street view photos of it show it boarded up. I guess he's going to let it rot until the county condemns it.

The last I looked he owed taxes on it, he hadn't paid them yet. This was before the tranny twitter kerffufle byuu 2.0, but maybe he paid them since then.

 

[.iota.]

Do you have a source for the property ownership ban for Americans within 50km from the coast? I'm curious because an American acquaintance of mine owns a rather large house with a private beach on the ocean just outside Puerto Vallarta that I've spent some time at.

it's an article of the mexican constitution (article 27). as an american, there are ways to invest in this land for up to fifty years through a trust fund, but ownership is still retained by the mexican government. (source)

 

[GreaterHacaryguaspear]

Ralph will going to be abducted by a Mexican Cartel and their "Ranch" will be a Narco Base.
It is that or pay monthly to the mexican cartel to avoid to be a next narcotape

 

[Click reply to view]

Why doesn't he build the Ralph Ranch at the Ralphaswamp?
He can be the first guy ever to run an Alligator Ranch.
Shit he could make fucking money doing that if he sold the leather for fucking designer clothes, if thats a non starter he could give tours like that place I visited in Florida.

Okay, alright, hear me out.

Alligator rassling.

 

[Procrastinhater]

I'm surprised nobody that Ralph owes has made an attempt to lay claim to the Ralphaswamp.

I'm not, if it's as worthless as people say, claiming it would just end up costing you money, having to pay taxes on a waterlogged bog. I don't think you'd be able to sell it, it's not worth the hassle.
EDIT apparently its a Ralphaswamp in name only, so he couldn't even farm Alligators on it.

 

[FamicomGorby]

Any ranch Ralph starts will turn into a compound that will get Waco'd inside of two years.

 

[Blue Miaplacidus]

The last I looked he owed taxes on it, he hadn't paid them yet. This was before the tranny twitter kerffufle byuu 2.0, but maybe he paid them since then.
View attachment 4468249

View attachment 4468253

Decided to check, still owes taxes, even more now.

 

[Lorne Armstrong]

Decided to check, still owes taxes, even more now.
View attachment 4468260

Gunt’s uncle better step in and pay that grand for him or they’ll lose Ronnie’s final resting place to the County.

Bet that uncle regrets giving PawPaw Ralph’s ring to him. That could have been sold to cover at least half that tax debt.

 

[Phony Chicken]

Decided to check, still owes taxes, even more now.
View attachment 4468260

I'm pretty sure he paid the owed takes when he got the court to give him the house. Probably had no choice then. I guess now he's not going to pay anymore because Ralphamales don't pay their debts. Weird that he went through the trouble of petitioning the court for the house and then decided to do fuck all with it. Just letting it rot and the taxes pile up.
He's going to lose it if he doesn't do something with it.

 

[John Andrews Stan]

@.iota. thank you for sharing these Ralphatranscripts of his delusions. I cried laughing. This one really got my ribs:

uh, you don't have to worry about that at all, all the lawyers will figure that shit out, and it's like ... it's great.

This is the Ralphabrain doing its sharpest thinking. Personally I think if he wanted to own everyone he’d launch an alligator wrestling league at the Ralphaswamp with a motorcycle track for annual races (NO HELMETS ALLOWED, safety gear is gay). Ralph should definitely participate in those so he can be sure to win every trophy.

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

I know he won't start a ranch, but I kinda wish he would. The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch is ending, and it's members are starting something horrifying and sad. I just want a wannabe Waco I can laugh at.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

oh, this is fucking fantastic! the drunken swine wallowing in his rented concrete sty hasn't the slightest clue!

in mexico, there are two types of land that, even if "purchased", cannot simply be "owned" by americans:
ejido land, which is agricultural land that is owned by the community, and land in the zona restringida, which is land within 50 kilometers of the coast, or land within 100 kilometers of an international border.

these lands are frequently offered for sale at unbelievable prices by "real estate agents" to ignorant americans, and ethan ralph is the perfect mark. however, trying to purchase ejido land is the mexican equivilent of trying to purchase land on a native american reservation, and trying to purchase land in the zona restrinida is like trying to purchase national park or forest land.

all mexican legal documents are in spanish, a language the swine does not understand beyond the word taco. even if he finds an honest real estate agent, he'll still need a notary (who is appointed by the state, and must be an attorney with at least five years of legal experience) to translate the documents. if there's conflict between an english version and a spanish version of any legal document, the spanish version always prevails in court.

in addition, purchasing property in mexico does not automatically grant residency or citizenship. it may allow him to apply for a temporary residency visa, but only if the property is valued above a certain amount (about $200,000 - $400,000, depending on which criteria is used). he cannot use property investment to apply for permanent residency for at least four years, although he can also apply for temporary or permanent residency by documenting that he (as well as his spouse and his dependents) meet the income criteria for at least six months prior to each application. (source)

also, why am i not surprised that he included mexico city in his list of beaches? lol. fat fucking gringo.

And setting up a compound (and taking on ejidos, nevermind other interested parties) usually works out well. Maybe the Gunts could skip Catholicism and convert to LDS, just to up the bad-assedness.

 

[RussianParasite]

Any ranch Ralph starts will turn into a compound that will get Waco'd inside of two years.

Ranch life would eat him alive. He’s way too much of a pussy to live in the middle of nowhere. Imagine being so far away from drug hookups, liquor stores, and burger kings!

I wish this wigger would just stay in West Memphis where he belongs.

 

[Butwhythough2]

I for one am fully supportive of Ralph having his own Ralphacompound. I want to see a Ralphacult in action. The ensuing Ralphaworship will be hilarious and I hope that he gets his followers to drink the Maker's Mark spiked with xannax.