random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Useful_Mistake]

He grabbed me by my phantom penis really hard.

I saw Null at an antique coin shop in Serbia yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen silver coins in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the coins and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each coin and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

 

[Return of the Freaker]

Inter-species erotica, fucko.

Big Mommy Toxic Femininity. It's everywhere.

Don't shameshame me, bigot.

Turn that "Z" into Zyclon-B.

You know what they say, don't knock it until you've taken the red rocket

The way people are acting you'd think there was a lyric like "we'll take you outback to shoot some cans. Like Africans and Mexicans",

 

[internet friend]

where's the dick?
found it. It's gross. Nice ass though. I will force the janny to view it.

 

[Local Fed]

I cannot put a number on how many American soldiers I would let lay down their lives for Israel.

There is literally no point to the internet if I can't use it to tell an ugly man that he will never be a woman.

Mosquitos. The niggers of the insect world. My blood is not open source, and my legs are not an all-you-can-eat buffet, you winged faggots of death.

Blacks are naturally hydrophobic.

 

[vomitusdeux]

He looks like a trooned out Jay Leno.

This is even more retarded than the Donkey Kong family tree.

Guys, look what I found.
Black
lisping
witch
vtuber

He’s gonna fuck that baby, mark my words.

they really brought a community of like minded people from all over the world together who enjoy zooming in on the toe of a demented hillbilly and exchange insights on diabetus and fungal growth.

That's a nigger right?

He’s doing the classic “I only became a sadistic pedophilic diaper diddling zoosadist because of yardfish. I was a normal person before that.”

I think there would be accessible guns in CWCville.

 

[Useful_Mistake]

Thank you for your bravery in sharing your story of realizing the Holocaust was bad, friend. I myself didn't consider that the Holocaust might have been bad until I saw a DA image of Rainbow Dash (best pony) photoshopped into an internment camp. =(

id rather have another holocaust (im not a jew ill be ok) than work in an office uwu

The Holocaust? More like the LOLocaust...
Gottem.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Been a while since I posted here but I wanted to share with you all my orchid that bloomed thanks to the help of the advice I got here!

(n.b. you really gotta make the flower in the attachment part of the quote, to get the true spirit of it)

 

[Useful_Mistake]

I even came across troons who bullied me and kicked me over a simple thumbs down gesture

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

They took the gay marriage movement and turned it into "we're cumming for your children."

 

[keytar]

Someone has officially sworn under oath that Patrick S. Tomlinson is obese.

 

[Don't Tread on Me]

"boohoo i had to throw away my leaf water"
AMERICA was BUILT on THROWING AWAY LEAF WATER

 

[The Ultimate Ramotith]

So he threatened to kill himself, spread that idea to his associates online, tried to extort Null, and then around that same time had a heart attack or stroke at the age of not-that-fucking-old?

 

[Spud]

hardcore videos of a lady gettin' her butthole hollowed out by an entire football team:
"Just click [I Agree] and we'll take your word that you're over 18"

 

[MrJokerRager]

I don't want to be your buddy, Bill Gates. I just want to type a Word document.

Shut the fuck up and go sign up to die in a human wave attack directed by a man in a dress with no genitals and armed with nothing but swimming trunks and a pool noodle.

SECRET ANCIENT CHINESE TECHNOLOGY KEEP HOUSE COOL BETTER THAN WESTERN PIG DOG TECHNOLOGY CHINA NUMBER ONE YOUR MOTHER FUCK BLACK NIGGER APE.

nigbulls suck

 

[Gentlebastard]

Today is a good day to sneed.

I've never seen a cow dig his own grave so enthusiastically before.

Patrick doesn't need a lawyer, child. When you've consumed as many negroids as Patrick, you gain an instinctive understanding of felonies. I'm sorry you're too stupid to get this, little baby child.

fella is rotund, fat, positively obese by all medical standards up to and including 'internet doctor who mainly uses webMD' standards.

The best part of any Lolcow is when their insane and petty bullshit gets documented by actual court officals.

It’s like when a silly and hard to explain inside joke goes to far and leads to someone having to attempt to clarify it to an unamused authority figure.

the paralegal just got his fat tits confused for boobs

He must have these basic replies in his clipboard which is fucking hilarious to think about.

What a glorious day to be a stalker child.

It's been years and I still can't get over how extraordinarily stupid this whole situation is. He started out from "Norm Macdonald is not funny" and somehow talked himself into several thousand dollars of debt through nothing but the sheer, unfathomable power of belligerent retardation.

"boohoo i had to throw away my leaf water"
AMERICA was BUILT on THROWING AWAY LEAF WATER

Careful Limey or the cakes and biscuits get it next.

Would killing journalists help solve climate change? Research points to yes.

What do I know? I just throw out veiled threats for fun.

feels good to be just a nothing special nobody jackoff

>he was putting CP on his DropBox account with his full legal name




It's not enough that he is a pedophile, he is also a retard of the highest order

"Why I Sued 60 John Does, and Falsely Became Known as a Fat Faggot Who Threatened To Kill My Own Daughter"

Am I or or? I don't even know anymore.

I 100%ed Stardew Valley so back the fuck off plebian

I like the idea of spontaneously manifesting the wounds of Christ whenether someone brings up your OnlyFans.

 

[RACISM]

I’m thinking about investing in a dog whistle so I can drive through predominantly Hispanic neighborhoods late at night and drive their pit bulls insane, how many brown babies would I cull

 

[NoReturn]

vaginas have two holes

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

When you bleed out your genitals every month based on the cycles of the moon, it's easier to think that maybe Jupiter and Saturn might also be messing with you.

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

I AM NOT POOT

 

[Johnny Salami]

Did you rape or murder someone? If you did you're going to have to troon out