random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Free Dick Pills]

'SOMEBODY GET ME HARD RIGHT NOW' - ethan ralph, on the anniversary of Sandra's death

 

[Aunt Carol]

Take consolation that at least you can feel your dick.

Like if the minotaur of Crete demanded sacrifices of weird potato men to be thrown into the labyrinth to simulate copulation with.

 

[ComStar]

"2,000 miners will be in Winnemucca from 2025-2027.
They will need a form of entertainment"

Russell Greer on why Winnemucca absolutely needs a whorehouse ASAP

 

[stupid frog]

Imagine lying crumpled on asphalt, bleeding out, trying and failing to look down because you don't realize your neck is broken, and the last thing you hear as the sting of blood forces you to shut your eyes forever is WHOOOOAAAA BUDDY *dingalingalingaling*

HE'S DENTED! HE'S T-BONED! HE'S FUCKING DEAD!

RETARD ALERT!!
RETARD ALERT!!
RETARD ALERT!!

 

[Aero the Alcoholic Bat]

To stay firmly on topic. I fucking hate autistic people. That is why.

 

[The Taco Santo!]

You work at Starbucks, you don't have dignity.

 

[MaduroHunter]

MMMM MUZZIE CUM. I LOVE TURKROACH SEMEN. MAKE AMERICA MUSLIM AGAIN INSHALLAH.

Using a lemon for deodorant sounds like hygiene advice from Hannibal Lecter. Did you know butter is excellent for the skin? You'll brown right up.

 

[Onni Kalsarikännit]

imagine if spongebob isnt real and he doesnt live in a pineapple under the sea.

 

[babadook]

She looks like Vanilla Ice's younger special needs brother circa the early 1990s whose group home is about to be foreclosed, forcing Vanilla Ice and his black best friend to enter an incongruously white underground rap competition in order raise the funds to save it from the machinations of some shady real estate developer and his own crack band of rap ninjas

 

[Gentlebastard]

tl;dr: Furries are laying out exactly how they were groomed, but framing it as if it's their anime protagonist origin story leading up to the unfortunate poop pool arc. What a world.

Is it wrong of me to hope sigmoid colon vaginoplasties become standard vaginoplasties because the idea of troons being identifiable by a vaguely fecal odor wafting from them is funny? Because if it is, I don't want to be right.

How have I not read this before? This is an artisanal shitpost.

You're gonna have to troon out to avoid this debacle.

this guy has to be fucking with us right???

I say that mainly because this post is really funny because of how it goes from hilarity to horror then sadness in a single post.

you wage war on the concept of intelligence and personal hygeine

*whispers* Have you heard about about piss milking, friend?

best proof I have that we dont live in a simulation is some autistic would have figured out how to use it to mine bitcoin

His obsession with hard boiled eggs makes me think the farts are unreal in that house.

I guess my joke didn't land and you genuinely think I was advocating for being a Nieztchean Ubermensch in this, the designated shitting thread.

IF YOU ARE AROUSED BY ANOTHER HUMAN'S GENITALS YOU ARE NOT ASEXUAL what the fuck is with these people so desperately clinging to their sooper speshul labels man

 

[Aero the Alcoholic Bat]

I don't mean to sound like a Diddy ass nigga, but girls with backpacks are hot

 

[Tingle]

speaking of The Hills have Eyes oh by golly do those eyes have some fucking hills.

 

[indomitable snowman]

Bald people genocide, Our people are being destroyed. We must secure the existence of our people and the future of bald children.

You will take my tasteful Norwood 3 from my cold dead hands.

Sneedgro should be a new word.

 

[Dr. Butt]

Pray for AIDS.

 

[UnsufficentBoobage]

A few months ago, I was in my favorite grocery store looking over my favorite condiment, bacon

Just bring back beatings, if you're this far gone the only remedy is an ass whopping. They need to told to grab a switch, even if they bring back a Nintendo beat them with it until you can see the buttons on there ass

makining

 

[Dr. Butt]

I feel terrible saying this, but those are not cute babies.

This mulatto and her ginger monkey needs to be beaten down by a corn-rowed dashiki'ed tribal queen who thinks that you can turn off your period by eating pomegranates or some shit.

 

[Tablet County]

He started booking it out of Chile with his best bottle of wine in hand as soon as that call ended like some sort of Forest Gump-Lightbringer beaner lovechild, leaving a trail of destruction in his wake. The Nicaraguans are pissed. Peru is fucking GONE. And the Panama Canal is a gaping Pananal Fissure.

Futaloving Cockmaster has 152k subscribers, not 515.

This is a lot of words to convince me why liking a chick who has a cock isn't somehow gay

Sorry, I went and LISTENED AND WATCHED THE VIDEO to this song, and decided I'm going to have to kill you now.

Transgenderism and its consequences have been a disaster for slightly weird looking people.

Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer The Pain and Emasculation of outrageous Cucking, Or to take a dick gainst one's own rectum?

Never did I ever say I liked poop, just that I understand the mentality of some folks who might.

 

[SNEED.EXE]

System continues being system. Grows big, continues growing. Instead of censor, they divide you into different place. You feel free but not. Paradise prison. Use your example, poop porn place made, becomes industry, becomes system, now censoring anti-poop porn. You understand?

I am dissapointed. Discussion could have been plenty. Now I see this is only ballad of pooplover.

Quoting Spergatory posts is a Herculean task...

 

[UERISIMILITUDO]

"Your honor, I was fighting robots, actually"

This is the first time I discovered Touhou was a game and not a tag on Japanese porn.

In states that don't have a massive number of Mennonites, it's rape.

Getting what I voted for is so based.

There is no god.
You cannot look at furries and tell me that there is a god.

I'm unsure how seriously you can take someone in a cartoon sparkle wolf costume.

ok nigga that's why i was asking questions i'm not a fucking law nerd

Ignoring all the other extremely haram things in that spoiler, nigga you fap to the bird thing from foster's home? That genuinely made me lmao.

 

[Dead Gay Muppet Gangbang]

Shut up faggot