random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[CallmeCicada]

A lot of guys have a weird friend/cousin/funny uncle who says, "Haha, bro, let me suck your dick. It will be cool."

 

[Aunt Carol]

She cucked him with his own jizz.

His. Own. Jizz.

The "magic" is that she's willing to take a lot of faildick from people who'd otherwise be unfuckable. Abra-cadabra!

She’s got orbital sockets you could explore with a submersible.

 

[Slideshow Bill]

heavily melanated and bepussied

 

[dirt lamb]

@Hey Johnny Bravo I have the trophy to prove it tyvm

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

If even one of the planes traveling to these furry conventions happened to go down, the stability of all sixteen of what CISA considers to be the critical infrastructure centers of the United States would be compromised.

Fuck scalpers, fuck value speculators, fuck hoarders that squat on tons of expensive figures. My one hope about these goofy things is that we one day regain a healthy cycle of used action figure circulation.

shut the fuck up and get in the pot

You live in the gay city you pay the gay tax to fund gayness. Seems pretty logical to me

Can we please just not fuck the Muppets? Please...

Addendum: the court would NOT have sex with him.

The only thing better than winning the nigger lottery is some tasty crack.

If you give enough monkies your tools, they will slowly learn to use them against you.

Shit you’re right, got my oaks mixed up like a fucking retard.

IIRC Red Lobster had majority control fall into the hands of their seafood supplier, a Thai company, who wanted to maximize sales of their shrimp. They didn’t give a shit what happened to the chain as long as they were selling ridiculous amounts of shrimp and other farmed seafood. Incidentally, Thailand has some of the worst overfishing in the world to supply fish meal to their seafood farms. Thai bugman ecological indifference and greed plus nigger gluttony literally destroys oceans and businesses.

They'd be much further along if those pesky wendigos wouldn't be eating them because they taste like fried chicken. Pray for those niggers.

The phrase is, "the proof of the pudding is in the tasting"... This pudding tastes like blood money.

 

[Cnidarian]

The userbase ages like a person. It starts off with wide eyed wonder at every little show and trope, then edgy cynism everywhere you look, and now we're at the "sad 30+ year old millennial wonder what they're doing with their life".

 

[3MMA]

Steel Toe will never throw the Balldo into Lake Wakanda, so Lady Gollum must bite off the Balldo and fall into those holy waters for the curse to be lifted. Sad to say, but Skelly's still going down.

 

[Cnidarian]

i self-host all my porn on a raspberry pi

 

[Black Man Underwear]

Please repeat after me:

"Milk is rape."
"Beekeeping is slavery."
"Cows are equal to women."

Patches Magickbeans, 34, of Hartland, Wisconsin, was charged Monday with three crimes in the crash that left Benjamin John Kidd, 27, of Duluth, with life-threatening injuries.

 

[neger psykolog]

I will consneed to you both, but DSP will forever remain the penultimate lolcow.

DSP will forever remain the next-to-last lolcow? What does that even mean?

 

[Cnidarian]

They were planning on uploading it, until someone (Presumably from the Backyardigans Wiki) allegedly threatened to dox them, so they're unable to fully release the pilot.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

She's a proud pedophile, zoophile, and pooner. Though, that may be pretty run-of-the-mill for a furry.

 

[Spectate]

"This had been the worst case in Lost Media history. Fuck you the Backyardigans wiki."

 

[Jhonson the Two]

Ironically, they all act like spoiled rich children whose idiot parents never disciplined them, having their first encounter with a pissed off Mexican grandma with a well-worn chancla at the ready and zero fucks to give.

 

[Mad_Dog]

"I was jealous of force femmed Hitler at the age of 12".

 

[Pedophobe]

This made me both more misogynistic and transphobic 6/10

"Always be yourself unless you can be a kiwi, then always be a kiwi."

It's like watching a long, intense, drawn out game of 6-way chess between a bunch of people that have no idea how to play chess.

We've passed the point of no return. Mr. incredible farting is now a dogwhistle.

 

[Gentlebastard]

A physiognomy check should be part of American immigration. I'm not even saying you have to be hot, just that its evident your ancestors weren't mutants who crawled out of a Lemurian sewer.

sorry for breaking your hip and stoic facade of disconnected irony by treating your question as if it were an earnest one

In another timeline, he’d be drooling on a university thesis bankrolled by endless disability scholarships; instead, he’s chosen to make his crotch the nucleus of his psyche.

whored himself out to support his heroin habit and said it didn't make him gay because he just did it for money, unlike his customers who wanted sex with a man

Off topic, but jigaboo is absolutely the best racial slur.

I mean seriously mix it up a bit. Don't just be a dumb boring racist. Be a creative racist!

I support everyone finding their own favorite racial slur

Monkeys, typewriters, Shakespeare, etc. I refuse to accept that he is capable of ironic sarcasm with deadpan delivery.

"Hmm it doesn't seem normal to crave male validation that much, have you ever been raped?"

 

[Pedophobe]

It must take a real freak to get sexually turned on by hedgehogs.

 

[Return of the Freaker]

We’ve all heard of Indian men larping as white men, and discussed in depth the many ways they give themselves away. But have you heard of an autogynephilic Indian man larping as a woman from Prague with a gang bang fetish?

 

[SCV]

"Time keeps going and gamergate keeps getting brought up."

-MATI 20252706