Megathread The Pooner Zoo - A thread for collecting wild Pooners and posting OC Pooners, and anything Pooner related

[Mad_Dog]

Crucify filthy zippertits. Throw pooners into active volcanoes. Stir fry doods in a wok. Judo throw gaydens into a wood chipper.

I'm saving this as a prompt for a future, uncensored AI video generator.

 

[Zemblan Physics]

Semper Fi, @Magic Pickle for the curated Reddit-posts! But damn, every single one of them reads like it’s been written by a 12-year-old. It makes me so angry with the zeitgeist and the captured institutions that have allowed these literal children and retarded young adults to destroy their lives.

The only thing keeping my head from exploding is the fact that the posters also are incredibly smug and hive-minded. Makes me think we’re not losing our best to this madness?

 

[gaysexenjoyer]

every single one of them reads like it’s been written by a 12-year-old

I mean either physically or mentally, that's usually accurate.

 

[cybertoaster]

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This doesn't happen, I'd like to see you try to survive in frat house though, I hear they're lgbt inclusive
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How is real life though
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"narcolepsy flared" = became tired
I originally stumbled upon this account through a xitter rabbit hole
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Meet puckmeat, unfunny xittoid who probably botted the follows and despite posting a lot doesn't really have many interesting things to say
(I am not going to post the NSFW here, but for those brave enough you're free to sift through it for horror)

Spoiler: What xe looks like irl

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She transitioned from being a pretty girl to an early 80's twink with AIDS, sad...

and when my friend asked how he can be so cool about it, he said it happens every single day.

How many German and/or Indian tourists do you get over there?

Anyway, got some stories about 80's Sweden?

and being physically helpless when men followed me—so-called “easy mode” as shitty men put it

The life on easy mode meme its about things like no-effort scholarships and job quotas for women not being chased by a bunch of men, and BTW you're still more likely to get beaten half to death in that situation as a man than as a woman.

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

She transitioned from being a pretty girl to an early 80's twink with AIDS, sad...

She has crazy BPD eyes though. So I think it's great she essentially put a warning flag on herself, very useful.

 

[scathefire]

The life on easy mode meme its about things like no-effort scholarships and job quotas for women not being chased by a bunch of men, and BTW you're still more likely to get beaten half to death in that situation as a man than as a woman.

That shit is just a “grass is greener” mentality, each sex seems to think the opposite one is on easy mode, and so that’s a big reason why people troon out to begin with. Thus I find it hard to believe that either of them are objectively easier than the other, people just feel that way because they don’t know any differently.

 

[Apustajan apustaja]

Little Finnish pooner got called overwheight by her doctor, so she proceeded to post her angry fat self on the internet along with a long rant about fatphobia and how trans bodies have different rules, just like any man would do in that situation. I swear I did not laugh, she is super serious!

 

[Peaches Demure]

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Little Finnish pooner got called overwheight by her doctor, so she proceeded to post her angry fat self on the internet along with a long rant about fatphobia and how trans bodies have different rules, just like any man would do in that situation. I swear I did not laugh, she is super serious!

LOL As the Finns would say, very straightforwardly, "tämä on läskiläjä".

 

[Hum Humina]

Little Finnish pooner got called overwheight by her doctor, so she proceeded to post her angry fat self on the internet along with a long rant about fatphobia and how trans bodies have different rules, just like any man would do in that situation. I swear I did not laugh, she is super serious!

The thing that's really funny to me is that she's thinner than like 90% of the women on T I know, so she probably thinks she's perfectly healthy and even slim.

 

[Apustajan apustaja]

The thing that's really funny to me is that she's thinner than like 90% of the women on T I know, so she probably thinks she's perfectly healthy and even slim.

If you compare her wrists to her waist, you can see that she was once probably even pretty and thin. The doctor had told her to cool it with the solid fats, she reacted by shouting "I'm a vegan!", and the doctor just calmly responded with "Ok, cool it with the coconut fat then." It was rather funny.

 

[KifflomKween]

If you compare her wrists to her waist, you can see that she was once probably even pretty and thin. The doctor had told her to cool it with the solid fats, she reacted by shouting "I'm a vegan!", and the doctor just calmly responded with "Ok, cool it with the coconut fat then." It was rather funny.

Why are vegan either anorexic or fat? I've never seen a vegan at a healthy weighr.

 

[Peaches Demure]

The thing that's really funny to me is that she's thinner than like 90% of the women on T I know, so she probably thinks she's perfectly healthy and even slim.

What immediately registers as "wrong" are her tiny hands and short, flabby arms (and legs, probably). A man with that amount of body fat would still have very visible muscle definition in his forearms and probably even a visible bicep, even if he never lifts. Same with the legs. Even morbidly obese men have defined calves. For a fat woman, that is among the first things to "disappear".

 

[Zemblan Physics]

Anyway, got some stories about 80's Sweden?

You know what, I actually have a troon story from 80’s Sweden. When I was in middle school our neighbor hung himself wearing his wife’s clothes. Don’t know why my parents told me about the part with the wife’s clothes tbh, but they did.

I suppose it might have been some sort of autoerotic shit and he died by accident. They didn’t have kids, thankfully.

Anyway, good times.

 

[EllenDrawsRapeOfHerHaters]

Spoiler: Poonerella

 

[Peaches Demure]

You know what, I actually have a troon story from 80’s Sweden. When I was in middle school our neighbor hung himself wearing his wife’s clothes. Don’t know why my parents told me about the part with the wife’s clothes tbh, but they did.

I suppose it might have been some sort of autoerotic shit and he died by accident. They didn’t have kids, thankfully.

Anyway, good times.

Spoiler: OT and in Swedish so spoilered for that

Usch! Tur att de inte hade några barn, för efter att något sådant blev känt hade det i princip varit omöjligt för ungarna att bo kvar på orten och skaffa sig nån form av liv som inte omedelbart associerades med "snubben som transade hemma och hängde sig".

Men å andra sidan så kunde man ju faktiskt flytta till ny ort på den tiden och "börja om" utan att det fanns en extern databas (hint: det är sociala media jag syftar på) som lagrat hela ens existens från barnåren och uppåt och aldrig låter en glömma dumheter som normalt inte borde följa en livet ut. Jag vet att jag ibland (hint: ofta) spelar rollen som grinig gammal käring här och annanstans, men om sanningen ska fram så avundas jag inte nutidens ungdomar deras uppväxtvilkor.

 

[Lord Of Shit]

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Doods are every bit as engaged in performative/competitive fragility as eating disorder skellies. Change my mind.

"But obviously I can't ask to be accomodated, I need to be accepting."

Credit where credit is due: pooners may be gross and weird, but they tend to actually have some shame and limits to their entitlement, whereas troons have none. I can absolutely see the average troon marching into HR and demanding as "her" human right to exist and not be genocided that any dude at the company sharing the troon's birth name be made to use a different one.

And the troon's demand will likely be granted, too.

 

[shatterspinel]

This one is trying way too hard to pretend to be a blue collar hick. It's like a communist trying to explain to rednecks why capitalism is bad but it's a pooner calling themselves a white trash populist, like a 4D parody. Apparently, you can criticize central banking systems and taking welfare as long as it's clear you have no idea what any of that is.

Spoiler

I am born from dirt poor white trash blood. I aint had health insurance until recently and im bout to be 21. I believed for my entire life that if i wanted insurance that’d cover phallo id have to become a doctor or lawyer or smth so i threw myself into my studies and got into university on a scholarship with honors. Still any advanced degree is gonna cost me 500,000 and as a populist, the last thing id ever want to do is feed the system and take up the mark of the beast so to speak, i think its intentional how gen z is expected to be hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt to major international banks if they want to get anywhere in life. It would be a betrayal of my values to become a slave to the central banking system.

And if im being completely honest, for all my academic merit i cant commit to a degree for the life of me. I dont do well sitting down, the idea of a desk job dealing with HR and insurance companies makes me sick. I thrive on manual labor and always have. Im a doer at heart and like to be outside getting exercise and doing shit with my hands. I currently work a manual labor job for a company owned by our benevolent lord and savior Jeff Bezos and his new botox queen. Due to his good graces im allowed a good insurance plan which will cover my phalloplasty which will be completed here in a couple years before my 25th birthday.

The realization that my current job will pay for phallo and i dont gotta get a fancy degree or go into debt has turned my life on its head. An entire life planned in pursuit of something that just fell into my hands and now im stuck wondering what im even doing cram studying for a degree that dont really want. I dont know if i ever really wanted any of that, all i wanted was phalloplasty and anything which might get me there. So im having a bit of a quarter life crisis rn and tbh im considering dropping out and going into trades for the rest of my life. Id be happy on an oil rig making 5000$ biweekly or as a crime scene cleaner making 10 grand a pop or working somewhere in agriculture. By thirty i could buy myself a house with a few acres, a nice truck and a decent retirement fund… or i could be thirty and 500,000 in debt to the Rothschilds just starting out my career at a desk job thats gonna give me diabetes and drive me insane. But dropping out isn’t something i really ever thought i would do or consider . It actually amazes me the lengths i will go to get the surgery, i have to pat myself on the back for being relentless if not manic in my determination to get that thing.

https://www.reddit.com/r/FTMMen/comments/1m4fn2f/getting_approved_for_phalloplasty_upended_my_life/

 

[Magic Pickle]

This one is trying way too hard to pretend to be a blue collar hick.

The second I read this, I immediately knew OP likely found Ellis of Left 4 Dead 2 fame to be so integral to her sexual awakening that she subsumed parts of his identity into hers.

Thread tax.
A middle aged pooner considers beginning testosterone despite the fact that she has had heart problems "for a while" and her cardiologist is deeply against the notion. Being that she is dumber than a box of hair, she thinks turning to Reddit for encouragement is a good idea and asks her fellow creaky-hearted crazies for reassurance.
Link | Archive

Testosterone and cardiac issues?​

I’m a 42-year-old non-binary transmasc person, and I’ve been thinking seriously about starting testosterone, mainly for bottom growth and voice changes.
I’ve had heart problems for a while - mostly electrical stuff - but I also had a recent episode of coronary artery disease. My cardiologist wasn’t enthusiastic at all about me starting T. He shut the idea down pretty quickly. As kind as he is, I didn’t get the impression that he’s very supportive of my transition in general. It’s hard to tell if it’s just not his area of interest or if he’s quietly not on board with trans people.
I’m wondering if anyone else here has started T while dealing with heart issues. How did it go for you? What effects did you notice? Did you have to adjust anything about your lifestyle or monitoring to make it work safely?

Friendly fire: a "transmasc agender" TiF is upset that some women describe themselves as transmasc lesbians, which - if your brain hasn't been moth-eaten by learning retarded gender terminology like mine has - is essentially just HyperButch(TM) lesbians who have drunk tranny Kool-Aid but still find their desires for women an integral part of their identities. OP is being a pants-shitting baby because she hates the idea of being associated with lesbians, which is a comically common complaint that pooners have. Why such a resistance to being mistaken for a lesbian, OP, unless you really, really don't like them?
Link | Archive

I learned about a specific term and I feel upset/dysphoric​

Marking this post as "sensitive topic" because it seems that the conversation around this term creates a LOT of fighting and has made me deeply dysphoric, so it probably makes others feel the same. Please bare with me as I try to explain myself as non-judgmentally of others as I can, I don't mean to insult people/put down their perspectives and I hope I don't come across as though I do. I just want a place to air out my thoughts and feelings.
---
"Transmasc lesbian" as a label seems backwards to me and, with how I've seen people describe themselves while using it, is just the smashing together of gender identity and gender expression into the same category — isn't it cisheteronormative? I used to not care as much about it when I first heard it, but I just read a bit more in depth with others explaining it and I feel upset.
I don't have any problem with nonbinary and agender people who have masculine gender expressions and like other nonbinary people, agender people, women, and other identities in between using lesbian as a way to describe their orientation, makes perfect sense to me! However, I've seen some say they're transmasc and lesbian; I just don't understand it.
Apparently some use transmasc to refer to gender expression and that seems regressive. Someone can be a man and have a very feminine presentation, vice versa as well. That doesn't make them trans. Trans people have been trying to tell others for so long that they can also have gender expressions that are opposite to their gender identities and are still trans, too. I know "transmasc" and "lesbian" together has been around for decades, but why are we keeping it around? Its outdated and we have way better ways of describing ourselves now.
I've seen multiple examples of people describing themselves that seem to better into other descriptors like:

• "nonbinary/agender lesbian who's butch/masc expressing"
• "bi/pan-gender lesbian with nonbinary/feminine gender identities and masculine gender presentation"

Sure, these are a mouthful, but it appears to me like what these people may be experiencing and I think it would help provide some clarity to them. Though, there's the possibility of some complexity in a person's identity that I'm not aware of since I don't share the same brain as them.
I do know it's not always a problem with a lack of words, some people just like a certain label or it means something special to them. I'm okay with and supportive of that, too. That's been my opinion since I've heard about this. I'm just really uncomfortable with the INSISTENCE that "lesbian" belongs in the masculine gender spectrum. That logic doesn't extend to AMAB masculine-nonbinary/agender individuals who don't identify as men, women, or some other feminine spectrum identity. Why does it for AFAB transmasc people with similar gender identities? It feels steeped in transphobia that some people don't want to leave behind.
For why I'm so affected by this and to talk outside of semantics: I'm transmasc and agender. I don't identify as a man, sometimes use nonbinary to describe myself, but I'm definitely *not* on the feminine side of the gender spectrum. My gender presentation varies. It makes me so dysphoric that others make a statement saying it should be part of the rule that people within my area of the spectrum and with similar identity-expression combinations can identify with "lesbian" to describe their orientation. Shouldn't it be an exception, not the rule?
I deeply dread the idea of being compared to lesbian people or others calling me "butch" for multiple reasons. While I'm gay and it is a reason for the discomfort with this, I'm mostly talking about "transmasc lesbian" as a term from a gender perspective, not so much an orientation one. I'm not fem-identifying, I'm not "butch," I do not belong in the same space as the term "lesbian" or other similar words with similar connotations. That's why the insistence that they do belong in that exact space is so upsetting.
I will never judge a personal choice someone makes for what labels someone will use for themself and for whatever reason that a person comes to that decision, I'm technically not nonbinary but sometimes find it pleasant to use together with agender. I just want to leave these things as personal choices when they're contradictory as rules and assertions.
I've calmed down quite a bit in the time I've typed this and made a few pass-throughs for clarity and tone checks. I feel a bit better now. Thank you for those who read this far.

A FTM has concerns that her chosen name is obviously and identifiably troony. The name? William Faelan Howlett. Dude, you chose a name that sounds like the brooding love interest from a cheesy, smutty paperback. How is this remotely surprising to you? Any real guy with the middle name Faelan would have the shit knocked out of him on a daily basis from kindergarten to the end of high school.
Link | Archive

Is my chosen full-name too clocky?​

This is literally the stupidest fucking intense subject of self-doubt and dysphoria that I have - My full name. I am VERY happy and confident with my first and last chosen names, but I have been STRUGGLING with the middle bit, mostly because all of the chosen middle names I like are... Kinda unusual and I worry that some day would clock me if folks ever knew about it.
My full name I'm rocking with right now is: William Faelan Howlett
I KNOW nobody will ever really know my middle name, but I just worry about it. I don't know how to put it any better than this, but I don't want to be seen as a stereotypical trans man that gave himself a bunch of weird/mythical/nature names. There is NOTHING wrong with dudes that are happy with going down that route, and I do not judge them. It just isn't who I want to be perceived as.
There are just very niche things I get self-conscious about, I want to be stealth someday (currently unable to do so due to being pre-top with a BIG chest), and for some reason, my name is an immense part of this issue. Each of these names are important to me and I feel they flow well together.
Besides Faelan, the only middle name I like is Jack which feels too common. While William Jack Howlett is a cool name, it objectively just doesn't fit as well.
Thank you for your help and honesty,
Will

 

[EllenDrawsRapeOfHerHaters]

@Magic Pickle

Modern day Moon Moon.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

A middle aged pooner considers beginning testosterone despite the fact that she has had heart problems "for a while" and her cardiologist is deeply against the notion.

She had an angioplasty a year ago. Pretty young for that even if she is fat af:

41 NB (AFAB). Had an angioplasty, stent placed LAD. Previous history of afib, cardioverted many times, eventually received two ablations and the second worked. Angioplasty was due to high cholesterol; 99% blockage. Wrist entry.

Also looking for panties to shape her comically rotund body shape and accommodate her abnormal bleeding habits:

I’ve been looking for plus-size underwear for an apple shape - briefs, high rise, and cotton. Love boxers but I wear pads most days due to irregular flow, so they’d need a floating gusset or other adaptations. Wingslove from Amazon made the perfect pair but they’re discontinued! Live in Canada so something from Amazon or available at Canadian retailers is preferred.

Any real guy with the middle name Faelan would have the shit knocked out of him on a daily basis from kindergarten to the end of high school.

He would be William F. Howlett and no amount of torture would reveal any further details.

Wild that both pooners and trooners think anyone besides the social security office is going to give a shit about their gay middle names.