random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Instant_Pot_User]

My gaming son makes me so proud when he says "user113316 could you please unalive somebody"

 

[Gas Station Boner Pills]

if i'm on death row i want this as my last meal and also execution method

 

[Meat Target]

Ohhhh, sure. You put 1,001 types of cheese on a cake and Guinness calls you right back, but I pour 1,001 brands of hotsauce in my asshole and my phone never rings!

 

[Dr. Butt]

I swore I'd never do anything that cruel to anyone again unless it would be really hilarious.

 

[Arcade Gannon]

Krispy Kreme
5 minute radius

 

[MeemVoyage]

"If anyone ever called me a rubber suit shit swimmer again, there will be severe consequences."

Quote is from a clip of Mega64 in the Septic Tank Man video Justin Whang just posted. Apparently he was accused of being the titular septic tank swimmer, lol.

 

[Dr. Butt]

Facebooj

made me laugh, i'll be calling it this from now on

 

[Lifeguard Hermit]

I'm 22. I post on Kiwifarms. I Don't have a wife.

 

[s0mbra]

if a tranny freezes to death in the woods and doesn't post about it on Twitter, were they even actually trans in the first place?

 

[Tablet County]

why are you being retarded on christmas?

 

[KittyGremlin]

HE'LL YEAH BROTHER I'M A TRUE PATRIOT I SUPPORT OUR GREATEST ALLY IN THE MIDDLE EAST INCAEL AGAINST THE DIRTY FEMAS FIGHTERS OF FEMCELESTINE

DON'T TALK TO ME UNLESS YOUR A TRUE AMERICAN!!!

​

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

No need for this, just say you hate niggers and watch the updoots pile up.

i het neegurs

 

[tehpope]

Ohhhh, sure. You put 1,001 types of cheese on a cake and Guinness calls you right back, but I pour 1,001 brands of hotsauce in my asshole and my phone never rings!

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

You ate your dick for charity?

 

[Black Man Underwear]

If you haven't jacked off to genderbent paintings of Napoleon Bonaparte, have you truly lived?

 

[Dr. Butt]

It's just a shame that the lie has been around the world twice while the truth is getting its spunk-encrusted boxers back on.

 

[Maricón de Mierda]

In the war between troons and... uh... simulated child sexual abuse cartoon streamers, nobody wins except us kiwis.

I swear men are dumber than fish. If I built a lobster trap big enough to fit a man and then hired a stripper to dance inside the cage I’d have 30 guys in two hours.

Between Ian’s greasy pedo hair, and Anisa combat boots and trailer park tattoos, they look like a white trash couple who were out looking for meth and somehow ended up crashing a fat Jews wedding.

You know, normally, when you find out that somebody is either a flatulence fetishist, or starts in flatulence pornography, that would be the worst thing you could learn about them. With this faggot though? It's just the fucking beginning.

If I lived in the area, I'd be seriously tempted to by-pass the "don't interact with cows" rule and call local authorities, because shit is grim.

On the other hand... lol, they gon' die. Who'll get eaten first?

As a side note, why are people at risk of freezing to death liking softcore furry porn on Twitter?

"It ended where it all began, with me plastering .wav files over videos of me squatting"

Imagine jackin it to a guy that drives a 20 year old Lincoln

You mean it wasn't a woman mechanic with 5000 hours in TF2?

It’s hard enough being a teenage white boy without the entire school knowing your dad is both Lolcow of the Year and threw away his family for another man. Ouch.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Doesn't seem like there's much tomboyish or genderbent about her besides the fact that she's from Minnesota.

“My sister was keeping this horrible secret about one of the most traumatic things that can happen to a child. What a bitch.”

 

[Gentlebastard]

If only they knew about the real harrowing issues Null gets into arguments about, like cheese.

OMFG, HAHAHAHA. So this fat retard is going to scoot over to strangers at a restaurant and gurgle and cough at them and demand they review the food for his video? Oh my god, I'm fucking done. I just can't after that.

I mean nothing beats a colonoscopy.

Only true auteurs can enjoy the subtle undertones of Patposting.

This may come as a shock to you but not everyone finds a garden variety gambling addict that funny.

Holy shit he looks and sounds like he has drunk himself throat cancer.

Internet fame is a hell of a drug..

Tammy uterus lore was not what I was expecting to learn when I woke up this morning, but hey!

They say that when a man like Jack has a vasectomy, it just changes the color of the baby.

If you go to a goth club, and see a guy standing 3 feet apart from anyone else, wearing a respirator in his face and a portable air purifier around his neck. It may be this young man, throwing caution to the wind and living it up.

YOLO!!!!

Remember: Fun is for suckers!

Thank god back in my youth the internet creeps just wanted to see your dick, not cut it off

Put her locked inside a lit room by herself and somehow she will find a way to ungainly flail her breasts around as she fights her own shadow.

Lolcows do not exist, stalker children, those are your delusions again.

I've seen pics of "normal" communal houses, and they're unholy wastelands, so I can't imagine the lurking horrors when you add trannyism to the mix.

Every pawnshop I've ever been too has always had one absurdly overpriced used Chinese SKS clone sitting on the shelf that never sells... I wonder what will fulfill it's valiant role 20 years from now?

He's the type that hears the word "boobs" and has to titter like a five year old would.

 

[Tablet County]

Rabbis are the second highest order in the satanic heirachy, second only to fat cheese-hating floridians who live in serbia

Men Are From Mars, Jesus Is From Venus