random_text.txt

[Gog & Magog]

I asked ChatGPT to rewrite Genesis 28 in Patrick's style:

10 No, stalker. Jacob didn’t just wander off—Jacob left Beer‑sheba, eyes on Haran. Enjoy prison.

11 Stalker, Jacob didn’t crash just anywhere. He stopped when the sun went down, used a stone for a pillow. Enjoy prison.

12 No, stalker. That wasn’t a random trippy dream—he saw a ladder planted on earth, its top reaching the sky, angels doing the up‑down shuffle. Enjoy prison.

13 “Don’t act surprised, stalker,” said the Lord. “This is the land I’m handing you and your guys. Enjoy prison.

14 "Your descendants? They’ll pack the place like dust—east to west, north to south.

15 No, stalker. I won’t ghost you—I’m with you wherever you go, and I won’t bail until everything on my promise list is yours. Enjoy prison."

16 Jacob woke up startled. “This place? It’s God’s HQ,” he muttered. Enjoy prison.

17 He rubbed his eyes: “Bethel—House of God. Didn’t know it, but I’m standing on some holy turf.” Enjoy prison.

18 Before dawn, he took that pillow‑stone, pitched it upright as a pillar, poured oil on it as a makeshift monument. Enjoy prison.

19 He named the spot Bethel. No one told him to do that, stalker— he just called it as he saw it. Enjoy prison.

20 Then he made a vow: “Alright, stalker, if God’s got my back on this journey…

21 “…if He feeds me, clothes me, brings me home safe—then I will offer my unwavering worship. Enjoy prison.

22 “From now on, I will offer a ten‑percent tithe on all He gives—consider it my signature move.” Enjoy prison.

 

[Dire Dire Cocks]

In Gay wrestling news,

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

Mickey Mouse is the other prophet whose works we need to go back and analyze.

 

[Aunt Carol]

*Lord of the Rings. Capitalize it, you fucking heathen.

Fun fact about dolphins...they're also rapists.

> You're going to have my guppies

Fair point, but I was thinking along the lines of the monkey snuff groups.

It’s Alabama. Of course the cops there are retarded. Everyone there is retarded.

 

[Drip Torch]

I've spent my entire life on the internet.

 

[Aunt Carol]

No time for ass wiping when you're a chess master

“My foot is falling off because I can’t stop guzzling yon Dr Pepper”

Honestly, penetrative sex involves a lot of risks with very little payoff for women.

All this talk of vulvas is making me hungry.

She’s built like a gay and retarded linebacker.

 

[Inco G. Nito]

Your dismissal of the global threat the LLMs pose to us is also indicative of you not understanding what you're talking about.

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

Skibidi Biden is the 9/11 of tv.

Why can't he just be normal and do drugs like the rest of us?

a miniature geyser of cherries and yeast

Before I opened the spoiler, I was amused when he said "Day 3; gazes still in my vagina," because it took me a minute to realize he meant gauze, and "gazes in my vagina" immediately brought to mind, "staring into the abyss," which turned out to be tremendous foreshadowing.