random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Honka Honka Burning Love]

I'm not taking shit from some asshole bird.

 

[Sinner's Sandwich]

^ I was trying to think of what the balls reminded me of and then it hit me. Any one of those enemy characters in an old Mario or Yoshi game with comically big lips.

 

[Blackhole]

I can assure you, with 100% confidence, that this account is not a Bardfinn alt.

I'm bold; honest; suffer no one. And this is why I'm widely respected on Reddit.

Slick algorithms have turned our attention-spans to dogshit. Cheap, reactionary engagement! And there's a whole lot of useful idiots that keep feeding this beast; "Doing it for free!", as it were.

can we get this added to the quotes file at the top of the site please

I have it on good authority that a certain ArmPitCream is blaming the Jews for the deafening honks outside his apartment right now.

Just 2 weeks threads to contain the spread sperging.

Coronavirus is fat and I would not have sex with it.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Girl, no one is calling any of your flappin and slappin in the breeze body parts any of those things.

You got beagle boobs and a dumpster ass.

Your nipples have never seen the sky.
You make it look like Hank Hill has cake for days.
Nothing on your body is sexual because you’re fucking gross, and only a true degenerate would find you physically appealing, and degenerates aren’t people.

accurate and informative

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

In the past, this retarded "publicity stunt" would be worth taking a piss and/or shit in front of a McDonald's for.

Seems legit. Just like those articles where a mom who lost her son to suicide is shown holding up a screencap of the liveleak video.

God, the Canadian government is such a tsundere.

I would not have sex with the Canadian government.

Come at me, you stupid fucking maple Nigger.

Wrestling IS REAL!!!

"Okay, maybe there was a GiveSendGo. But it wasn't six million."

There is no need for squiggly lines on our maps, or faggot lines as we call them.

 

[LurkTrawl]

Ron... The protesters are using the pig as a prop to ridicule the police, it is not in fact acting in official capacity as a police sniffing pig.

 

[frozenrunner]

Does anyone have the clip of her slamming into the wall? That sounds hilarious.

 

[Dang Woodchucks!]

I only use meth socially.

 

[Mr. Skeltal]

This is what medication can't fix. It can't fix cringe.

Those aren't balls...

78,000 people, more than the population of Andorra, used that technology to watch a guy piss on his truck seat anything up to five separate times over the course of a year.

Imagine dying from the box full of funko pops and dragon dildos falling on your head

Basically, what I'm trying to say, is I want to brag to all the virgins on the farm, I've dicked down a lot of women.

The target demographic is, in a sense, male-to-male transsexuals.

Kiwi Farms : Autistic Faggots you can Trust.

Also, this thing is called an anal juicer

OH BOY IS IT TIME TO TALK ABOUT GIGANTIC BLACK PENISES AGAIN?

You can't hype up a picture with a spoiler like that and then let me down with an average run of the mill Deviantart horror, that one's not even that bad.

Just finished my fifth Boglin pocket pussy.

 

[George Lucas]

Atlantis and Treasure Planet are based Aryan / Anglo Saxon Adventurism films.

 

[Law]

Seethe evermore. Tweet without ceasing

Patience, young padawan. First we enjoy the peritoneal fistula.

 

[Research Purposes Mostly]

@Buffalo Chicken Sandwich

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

Why the fuck would you ever hold a press event at a walmart.

"Hey, stop eating paste that's what retards do."
"That is offensive. I am very smart. A scientist once told me that eating paste was good for you. You are racist." *keeps eating paste*

We commit to a mild amount of tomfoolery.

The US government basically paid me to sit around shitposting on the Kiwi Farms for half a year, and I got fucking praised for it.

 

[Return of the Freaker]

Whitey goes from 0 to Lynching VERY fast

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

You wanna talk totalitarian dystopia? Let's talk about the fact that my God-given right to rate people dumb and autistic has been taken from me.

No justice, no peace, Jersh.

Honk

 

[KiwiFuzz]

Mostly because fuck California and fuck art students.

Ruining your whole life at the lies of fat, unhappy, pharmaceutical-dependant, greasy middle-aged groomer coomer men.

peak transed for life.

THIS IS THE ART THAT BELONGED IN THE ‘GIRLHOOD’ SECTION OF THE SMITHSONIAN!

 

[Humbert Humbert]

This is... Unfathomably disrespectful.

 

[Autistic Joe]

Their dongs will never be flaccid and will never be erect. They're forever Schrödinger's cock, never collapsing on a given penile state.

 

[keyboredsm4shthe2nd]

I mean instead of spending all that money on voodoo priestesses and effort on writing this article you could have just paid some hoodrat to throw acid in his face or just stabbed him to death and kept your dignity

This is what really tight pants does to a mf.

When you list it all out like that... jeez it's like "What you ordered from Wish.com" vs. "When it arrived".

 

[Big Nasty]

I generally trust the vet not to molest my pet bird but here we are.