random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Gentlebastard]

I don't know what's worse: that being his kid's room, or it not being his kid's room.

"We would have hired you, but according to this very legitimate-looking New Zealand agriculture forum, you have AIDS and are gay. But we're happy to help you with a defamation lawsuit against this Lunar James man."

There's a discreet way to take medication, and then there's whatever this person is doing.

Someone going Lee Harvey Oswald with a blunderbuss from 1700 would be hilarious. Just dress up like a pirate and they'll will think you're cosplaying until some politician or globohomo elitist gets sent to Davy Jones Locker.

If I didn't like to marvel at freakshows and human depravity, I would have never signed up for the Farms. The day we find a bottom to human depravity is the day this site shuts down.

Part of me misses the old days where it was literally just shit like “lol don’t search blue waffle!!” “Haha this 2girls1cup video is so funny, here watch it!”

Hey, in the future you might rail this guy's wife and brag to his face about it. It's not that bad!

You can't be that oppressed if you got all this money to burn on watching homosexual cartoons.

The milk is always best when it comes fresh from the cow.
We leave them alone and they do the funny.

Update: The childing of Joshua Moon has been upgraded to a full "No, child."

Conditions favorable for "Enjoy prison," seek shelter immediately.

NO! NOT DEAR LEADER JOSHUA "NULL" MOON!

How can we ever recover from this?

If it were up to me, they would be caned for attempting to undermine the Constitution, but unfortunately I am not yet Emperor of America so there’s no consequences for any of these people.

If you are a resident of one of these states, call your Congressman and tell him, as a taxpayer, that he is a faggot and you will not vote for him.

And no shout out to genocide Josh killer of 66 million million troons. It's frankly a weak letter.

I would bully that baby as soon as the ink is dry on the birth certificate

What Kiwi Farmer doesn't have their Porn and Memes autistically sorted into specific folders for easy viewing?

you can pinpoint the exact moment the coom brain kicks in and it descends to pure fantasy

Random bits of information like this from a conversation about litterboxes are what make this the best thread.

I would not recommend climbing into some weird gimpy faggots attic.

Listen man, when the Wendigo craves human flesh, you give it human flesh.

 

[N Space]

meow meow meow meow meow meow meow

we've successfully gained access to Idaho National Laboratory (inl.gov)! mmmm yummy data~ we've accessed thousands of user and employee data!

 

[Tablet County]

No doubt he thinks he's gathering evidence for the FBI to ensure maximum prison enjoyment

 

[vomitusdeux]

Sans Undertale is real and he's chilling with Hitler in Agartha

I dunno if you mentioned this but if the main protagonist is BROWN does that also go for the character's mother? If so, this would be the first game where the absence of your father makes sense.

I'm have rartertarded.

I took someone's anal virginity by now please take this off

I'm not jewish I'm a catholic

I love Jesus

Some of you don't even have poltergeist? At least I'm a first born child!

So much for highchrist. On my dad side I'm a first born grandchild. foob has nothing... lol I'm the oldest grandchild! I want my highchrist worth!

You guys are incompetent for soc. I have a degree in it not you! Lol!

I guess her habit of snacking on cat food had finally affected her ability to handle criticism.

Serious answer (I'm a Communist):

Spending time with your kidnapped AIDs baby you sodomize daily is more important than this nation's infrastructure collapsing.

The most interesting (and haram) piece of info out of him is that at 5:08 it's revealed he was having e-sex with a nigger who posted his dick to him.

a satanist can't be an athiest. Did your mom smoke meth while pregnant?

‘Complex emotions’

Like what, getting aroused at the sight of babies?

Is there some Wolf of Ruckersville Street shit going on here that I'm not understanding?

that'd be as "lucky" as finding a rolled up $50 bill down your urethra.

Godbear truly has his favorites

Taylor Swift, the Enemy of Russia.

Something weird I noticed, why is it white people that fuck with Chris Chan the most? If I were white I'd be out here trying to find an Asian girl to bang not fucking around with Chris Chan.

That’s a fucking insult to Warhol though. At least he never fucked his mother.

If my offspring grew up only to provide homing for Chrstian Weston Chandler, I'd probably off myself.

The issue isn't about you being fat; It's about you spending £100 on a small Oreo cake.

You're a complete retard Felix. A pants shitting, tranny loving, furry stink fetish having nigger retard.

I am a furry and I do like certain stenches, but I do not crap or piss myself at all and I’m not black or ever been formally diagnosed as having severe cognitive defects. You are wrong Sir.

Which lolcow taught you about dailydiapers?

I like women’s smells really.

I bet women don’t like the smell of your diaper.

Well it’s just as well, every fucking person here seems to hate blacks other than me.

for five months since wolfetone was covered by null all theyve been doing is a-logging him about how he chucks piss and beat his dad, which everyone knows

look upon my works, ye cuckolds, and despair.

He pisses I'm water people and uses daggers as weapons.

Keffals was doxed by a door knob and bed sheets.

Since Chris is a sex pest, lover of barbpussy and he's a very attractive transbian, it's a miracle that Discord didn't offer him a job with those qualifications.

I bet you try to talk to every black person you meet about hip hop but the only rapper you listen to is Eminem.

can’t you refer to them by non racist or transphobic terms for once Jesus? I only use this language to for in here but in reality the language we use here is god awful in every way imaginable. I wish at least one person here didn’t feel the need to spew vile Threats or swear every couple of sentences it would make for reading this website a more pleasant experience.

come up with your own words for yourselves, you queer fairy fudgepacking sodomite

Homophobe lol, and yes i have been called a fudgepacker, a fairy, a buttfucking faggot, you name it.

I don't come to Kiwi Farms to solve society's problems I come here to make fun of mayoid faggots with dead mothers.

All white people go to hell, it's what you get for being the devilspawn of Yakub. An eternity of sucking cocks but none of them are big and black.

I prefer my cocks to be mediocre and white, thank you very much, (and also cut, as god intended) and I don’t know anyone named Yakko.

Maybe it’s time to ask your brother for a diaper change.

Nobody here believes you have any friends at all, let alone twenty friends, let alone twenty black friends. Nobody here will ever believe that.

Why is this guy getting bodied boring is better than scheduling your bi-weekly mom rape sessions.

I kissed my trans friend a few times, I would not be averse to sex with them if they passed well enough. I doubt anyone here has the balls to do that lol.

Guess he should have touched a kid for his own safety

They say every year Felix leaves a soiled Depends undergarment on his mother's grave. As rain and snow fall on it and leak into the ground, Lydia's been kissed by a turd on the grave.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Who knew that existential dread is stored in the tits??

My thought was Dr. Frankenstein sewed Iggy Pop's head onto the body of a dead trailer park crack whore, that was fished out of the dumpster behind an Applebee's. But yours is pretty apt as well.

What does prostate play have to do with being a woman?

 

[Pedophobe]

We're not watching some epic true crime thriller, we're watching an autistic man talk about shitty sonic mods,

I miss not being normalized, bros...

Moral of the story: don't use internet forums, and if you do definitely don't talk to anyone who does. They're probably a freak.

We need separate autism (good) and autism (bad) stickers.

We’ve taken that word back like blacks have with the N word.

 

[Tablet County]

Hence the cliché "He was such a quiet person, I can't believe that he murdered sixteen cheerleaders and dressed the corpses up as power rangers".

I hear the detectives vomited when they found the megazord.

Top tip - you can sneak into Canterbury Cathedral for free by going through the gift shop. Don't feel bad, it's what Jesus would have done.

 

[ForTheHoard]

View attachment 5520377

Nerd communities devastated by HRT like black neighborhoods and crack in the 80s. Sad to watch.

 

[Sparkling Yuzu]

Hi! I'm the Nostalgia Critic and I occupy the Holy Land so you don't have to!

Jeffrey is like her guardian angel faggot.

apex vapid gay pit viper,

Gay men understand eating disorders and know that anorexia is far preferable to being a fatty.

-Ian says we could call homeless people, "stray humans":

we put the Jews there because an Austrian man ran a strange series of bakeries in Germany.

Then again, online pro-pedophile advocacy groups would probably expect more professionalism than she wants to commit to.

 

[Kerr Avon]

Buck Angel is very mature and reasonable

 

[Haffhart]

I think it was a derivative of LSD or maybe DMT and he had a good experience and after it he was a really chill, anti-miscegenation guy

how do I shot flintlock

>buy fishing trawler
> mount a couple Anzio 20mm "rifle" (in 20×102mm or 20mm Vulcan)
>fight actual Somali pirates and Narco subs
>founders shed tears in heaven

 

[Tablet County]

Show us the Dream cock

 

[Aero the Alcoholic Bat]

Why do people take what I say at face value?

 

[BirdUp]

Metadata buried within "OMG!LOK!.exe" indicate the program was designed on a different machine than the one used to send the email. The creator of the file is listed as CaptnCuck. A single note buried in the data reads, "For My Friend, BlackPillBill. Get the bitch." A cursory search of the Internet reveals a CaptnCuck posts religiously on multiple boards inside noted hate site 8Chan.

 

[Gas Station Boner Pills]

DID YOU CALL ME SIR WHILE SEARCHING MY TRUNK FOR FENTANYL????? REEEEEEEEEEE LET ME GO BEFORE I GET YOU FIRED

The Bible undersold the obnoxiousness of the Antichrist.

 

[BirdUp]

THE NTSB RECOMMENDS THAT THE U.S. COAST GUARD REQUIRE OWNERS/OPERATORS OF BASCULE BRIDGES TO INSTALL CAUTION LIGHTS AND DAYLIGHT MARKINGS AT ELEVATION POINTS ON BRIDGE LEAFS WHERE THEY PROTRUDE OVER NAVIGABLE CHANNELS TO IDENTIFY TO MARINERS THE POINT AT WHICH FULL SKYWARD CHANNEL CLEARANCE IS NOT AVAILABLE TO TRANSITING VESSELS: THE LIGHTS SHOULD ACTIVATE WHEN THE BRIDGELEAFS ARE IN THE NORMAL FULLY OPEN POSITION. THE NTSB RECOMMENDS THAT THE U.S. COAST GUARD REQUIRE THAT BRIDGE OWNERS/OPERATORS PROVIDE IN BASCULE BRIDGE PERMIT APPLICATIONS THE ANGLE OF THE BRIDGELEAF(S). THE MAXIMUM VERTICAL CLEARANCE AT THE FENDERS AND AT THE BRIDGELEAF ENDS, AND THE EXTENT OF HORIZONTAL CHANNEL CLEARANCE OVER WHICH FULL SKYWARD CLEARANCE IS AVAILABLE WHEN THE BRIDGE LEAFS ARE IN THE FULLY OPEN POSITION.

 

[Poppavalyim Andropoff]

"Which Kiwifarmer is most likely to die in a dildo accident?"

 

[Johnny Salami]

You don't even have to imagine the hook nosed goblin attached to that

 

[Gentlebastard]

she's got a heart as black as her ass and a street shitting third worlders greed and lack of morals

My thought was Dr. Frankenstein sewed Iggy Pop's head onto the body of a dead trailer park crack whore, that was fished out of the dumpster behind an Applebee's. But yours is pretty apt as well.

Jeez forget the high horse, that fag has a whole stable far up his ass.

Oh shit, what have I done?

Being oppressed in tyool 2023 just means being told no or that you're an idiot.

if you're just the right amount of retarded, you're untouchable

Your average troon name is usually a combination of anime character+women they know in real life and want to rape.

There is a specific "fat faggot (with bitch tits)" exemption clause on the terms of service

Being convicted of elder abuse isn't something you just share with people like you're discussing cooking recipes.

I can either make an "Insert cock here" or "Insert rifle here" joke.

It's depressing and hair-pulling that the concepts of "trolling" and "bait" have existed for about 3 decades at this point, and warnings about them have proliferated to the ends of the Earth, to the point where even barefoot peasants living along the banks of the Ganges have heard of them, and yet people are less able than ever before to not immediately take every single piece of bait they see proffered.

imagine getting swept away by the auto-janny because you keep arguing with a man named robert gayporn about whether or not you yourself have starred in gay porn
imagine being the twitter employee who gets to manually review this ban on appeal

it would actually be oddly impressive that a person could make the literary equivalent of a Ghost Pepper Enema.

 

[JustSomeDong]

If chris' sex leaks do it for you then not even god can help you anymore.