random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Crex Crex]

Last time I checked, I'm a white guy, yet I fucked more black chicks than Section 8 housing. I think... my go- I can't - no- I can't be a nigger! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

[Inco G. Nito]

Why do you know what Obama's penis smells like?

Now here comes Tyrone to Oy her Vey with his 12 inch schlong.

 

[N1bbaN3rd]

You can have heroes. Just don't pick fucking retards on youtube

 

[supremeautismo]

Who would even want to be fucked by Bowser. He'd have a dragon penis filled with spikes and aids.

 

[Ralph Barnhardt]

"Now, go play with your pop guns and present your puckered asshole to your favorite picture of Putin while you jerk your shriveled dick-clit off to the sounds of your wife getting plowed like a Nebraska cornfield by a real man, comrade.
I've finished humiliating you."

I've finished humiliating you

 

[Dr. Butt]

TRUMP FUCKS KIDS MIGA NIGGERS ON SUICIDE WATCH

 

[Gentlebastard]

Ah yes, well known profitable Internet hate machine kiwifarms. Every time you post "nigger" $14.88 gets added to null's bank balance.

The situation is still one of insanity.

I genuinely hope his parents said something as based as "truth trumps the lies which [you] tell [yourself]", because that is both comically fire and brimstone and sincerely cool as fuck. Their genes were wasted on you!

How do you write something like this without feeling completely humiliated by your own transparently pseudointellectual bullshit?

Maybe one of the fujos can correct me, but pretty sure yaoi doesn't involve any vaginas.

It's SO funny when a rando encounters one of KF's pet weirdos and immediately susses them out with perfect accuracy. Really validating.

 

[YHWH's Strongest Soldier]

The only winning move is to kill myself.

 

[Gog & Magog]

Why would anyone choose to be subservient to the Royal Family though? Even Indians don't want to be British subjects.

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

Whoa, bro, way over the line there. Those macho frat boys only took it up the ass to prove their heterosexuality so they could join their completely not fruity little club of entirely ironic dudes who only blow each other to prove how funny they are with their popped collars and their "my name is John and I hate every single one of you." Because what a joke, let's just watch some gay porn together and jerk each other off to prove how truly manly we are!

 

[Tablet County]

imagine watching Disney slop for literally any reason other than getting some BPD Disney adult pussy

 

[Spectate]

The furries are in the goverment.

 

[vomitusdeux]

Truly the dark ages is a man can't act out his child bride fantasy

Good luck I'm behind 7 nswgame.com's.

Mexicans instinctively know how to cook chicken and Lima beans.

if I go missing for a few years I've joined the ranks of furries with this guys.

His fursuit looks like a mix between Dylann Roof and a carpet sample.

i’m sure depicting Visa and Mastercard as a gross tranny brown soyjak will fix all of this.

 

[Laburnum]

"YOU KNOW ITS FUNNY, PIG LATIN KINDA SOUNDS GIBBERISH, BUT THERE IS A PIG LATIN TRANSLATOR ON MY PHONE AND I CAN UNDERSTAND PIG LATIN A LITTLE BETTER"

 

[Gog & Magog]

I asked ChatGPT to rewrite Genesis 28 in Patrick's style:

10 No, stalker. Jacob didn’t just wander off—Jacob left Beer‑sheba, eyes on Haran. Enjoy prison.

11 Stalker, Jacob didn’t crash just anywhere. He stopped when the sun went down, used a stone for a pillow. Enjoy prison.

12 No, stalker. That wasn’t a random trippy dream—he saw a ladder planted on earth, its top reaching the sky, angels doing the up‑down shuffle. Enjoy prison.

13 “Don’t act surprised, stalker,” said the Lord. “This is the land I’m handing you and your guys. Enjoy prison.

14 "Your descendants? They’ll pack the place like dust—east to west, north to south.

15 No, stalker. I won’t ghost you—I’m with you wherever you go, and I won’t bail until everything on my promise list is yours. Enjoy prison."

16 Jacob woke up startled. “This place? It’s God’s HQ,” he muttered. Enjoy prison.

17 He rubbed his eyes: “Bethel—House of God. Didn’t know it, but I’m standing on some holy turf.” Enjoy prison.

18 Before dawn, he took that pillow‑stone, pitched it upright as a pillar, poured oil on it as a makeshift monument. Enjoy prison.

19 He named the spot Bethel. No one told him to do that, stalker— he just called it as he saw it. Enjoy prison.

20 Then he made a vow: “Alright, stalker, if God’s got my back on this journey…

21 “…if He feeds me, clothes me, brings me home safe—then I will offer my unwavering worship. Enjoy prison.

22 “From now on, I will offer a ten‑percent tithe on all He gives—consider it my signature move.” Enjoy prison.

 

[Dire Dire Cocks]

In Gay wrestling news,

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

Mickey Mouse is the other prophet whose works we need to go back and analyze.

 

[Aunt Carol]

*Lord of the Rings. Capitalize it, you fucking heathen.

Fun fact about dolphins...they're also rapists.

> You're going to have my guppies

Fair point, but I was thinking along the lines of the monkey snuff groups.

It’s Alabama. Of course the cops there are retarded. Everyone there is retarded.

 

[Drip Torch]

I've spent my entire life on the internet.

 

[Aunt Carol]

No time for ass wiping when you're a chess master

“My foot is falling off because I can’t stop guzzling yon Dr Pepper”

Honestly, penetrative sex involves a lot of risks with very little payoff for women.

All this talk of vulvas is making me hungry.

She’s built like a gay and retarded linebacker.