random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Kendall Motor Oil]

Men aren't all like Ryan Gosling and more like George Constanza.

 

[Table Country]

Let me explain how Crash Bandicoot is about gay rights and being transexual. You see, when crash eats the whoomp fruit or whatever, he is actually trying to accept that he wants nothing but cum and to become a female - This is shown in my 2540 page powerpoint presentation and -

I trooned out after first of the north star.

I used the super slam ham with palm technique too much and rendered myself impotent.

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

Also, boxes aren't for people? Then what the fuck do you call a coffin?

Imagine showing this to someone in the 2000s who said "there's no such thing as the gay agenda"

I was hoping she’d give me an Islamic Rating, but all I got was a dumb.

However, the amount of salt and anger it produces on the left exceeds my desire to abort retards.

American sluts are in shambles.

Okay I'm pro life but I might give up a firstborn for a PKM.

But then again, I do live up to my username a lot.

"DON'T BE A FUCKING SLUT DON'T BE A FUCKING SLUT, DON'T TAKE IT UP THE VAG UNLESS IT'S FROM A GUY WHO WILL MARRY YOU"

Clarence Thomas is forever banned from the African American Museum of Natural History.

Kiwi Farms vs The United States of America

Featured should be for obese women taking meth, alcoholic rednecks getting into fights and trannies faking suicides.

Okay, thank you for all Americans who have explained this to my non-American ass

You WILL Conceal Carry
You WILL Give Birth to Your Babies
You WILL Worship Jesus the Christ

You WILL cope
You WILL seethe
You WILL dilate.

Wanted 6" but got 5"

Who could have guessed a tumblr whore would end up the size of a house and having retarded social/political views.

When your mum trims your penis with a bowl and the kitchen scissors to save money

 

[I am vomit]

So what if I cum in a girl with no uterus does my sperm just pinball straight outta the pussy?

She's a fucking insane rug-muncher who is completely obsessed with dead retard babies and wants to murder infants.

17 pages of
>waah my mommy waah
>waah muh daddy waah
>save all these hypothetical tard babies I'm devising from being born
>rape/impregnation fantasies mixed with baby murder fanfics
You're as safe as you've ever been, even the niggest of rapists wouldn't touch you with a stolen dick in the dead of night. Cheer up.

infanticide rate rising in muttland, sadly no more videos because liveleak is dead, I really want to see crotch maggots being fed to python.

Drug him and milk that prostate, baby.

I'm highly interested in understanding and empathizing with people who think very differently from myself, such as women and homosexuals.

Do you have sources for the black disabled homos that ran 90% of German businesses that the socialists liberated for the people?

DSP's chat is the modern day equivalent of a filthy 1900s insane asylum. Poo is smeared on the wall and someone is always screeching. Derich wanders the halls jerking off and nurse Phil has to keep everyone in line.

I had some ideas of where this thread was probably gonna go upon making it, but "users spamming jap infant abuse comics" sure as hell wasn't one of them

 

[JustSomeDong]

You read these articles because they're made by funny attention whores.

I read these articles to get better at bullying.

We are not the same.

 

[Stabmaster Arson]

She thought we weren't autistic enough to compare the toes.
But we are.
We are totally autistic enough to compare the toes.

 

[Open Window Maniac]

That PS2 is covered in troon grease.

 

[Meat Target]

Those poor plushies have to watch the fatness for all eternity.

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

wrong... i once picked up a nice piece of ass by talking about why trains have problems going up hill. just wear a skinny jeans...

Hey, autistic pussy is still pussy

 

[Enterhater42069]

nigga u gay

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Kiwifarms. The humour is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical and practical faggotry most of the posts will go over a typical shitposter’s head. There's also Null’s nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The shitposters understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these posts, to realise that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Kiwifarms truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Null’s existential catchphrase "Neck yourself," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenevs Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Null’s genius wit unfolds itself on their computer screens. What fools.. how I pity them.

And yes, by the way, i DO have a Kiwifarms tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class on kiwi farms, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret trolls on Chris-chan, and I have over 300 confirmed doxes. I am trained in doxing and I’m the top shitposter in the entire kiwi farms armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another autist. I will wipe you the fuck out with trolling the likes of which has never been seen before on the internet, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of kiwis across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can troll you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with a single post. Not only am I extensively trained in shitposting, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the kiwi farms and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “autistic” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamned idiot. I will shit in my pants and do nothing all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, cunt.

Well, that's going to decrease my stalking by at least 25%.

It doesn't matter how many twitter updoots you get if you don't get the Mouse his cheddar.

He's a fat, loser, virgin retard who lives in a shithole country. But still believes he's part of the superior race.

Fuck him and all of his simps.

Sweet Mary mother of God that's not pizza that's a fucking war crime.

Este es un bruh momento

This better be a police honeypot to catch pedophiles.

Shoutout to all the Mujahideen in Palestine taking the fight to these faggot kikes.

this is a prime location for a you know what

Another day another connection between tranny children and Jews/Jewish culture.

You gassed their grandparents, they'll convince your grandkids to slice their bratwursts off.

Six gorzillion penises about to be chopped.

Not too fond of Jews

OP is a faggot and also male with one spirit.

Is Tom Gay. Or Did His Father Refuse To Fuck Him?

Tom, what the fuck are you doing here? I told you to get a Prince Albert and use it to electrocute your dick. Why have you not done it yet? Don’t come back to this thread until you have. That’s an order.

kiwi: 100
thomas: ass shitting mad

You don't own shit old man. If you did you wouldn't be a hobo.

All Tommie owns are the memories of his abused childhood and those of the children he himself abused. He's just pouring dirt over his own grave now. Even when it's over, it's never over for the toothless truthless Tommie Troon Tooter.

This is a certified random.txt moment

Send them to Iraq and tell them not to come back.

Fine! I'll start my own summer camp with children's penises and ketamine!

Good. Means there's less collateral damage when the feds inevitably catch this pervert jerking off over little kids.

Our beloved Pringle Can John may be gone, but his legacy will live on with his three children. This is a lot more than Pat can say.

PCJ should be cremated and shot into space in a pringles can.

This is 9/11 for obese feminists

how am i supposed to cum in vaginas raw without worrying now

 

[Open Window Maniac]

Shroëdinger's Mexican: Both here to steal your job and too lazy to work.

 

[Snusmumriken]

Quoth Amberlynn Reid:

I love to read. Thankfully I am good at it and am a speed reading and comprehend things rather quickly.

 

[Testacles Maximus]

You fucking fat fucking absolute fucking niggers. What the hell is wrong with you? Not only don't you cook your own shit and just drink something normal that isn't pure sugar syrup, you sit there "Omg the corporate overlords have released processed garbage that happens to be the exact formula of sugar, fat, and sodium that appeals to my completely numb taste buds!"

Fucking none, there is not once in my life that I have ever even considered feeling an ounce of euphoria for any corporate gimmick product. It's shitty for you, I had to spend money, and I'm dependent on them to make it for me, all of which is very dysphoric, and if I'm tempted to consume it that means it's just better that it went away. If I wanted to tank my health for hedonistic purposes I'd cut the pretense and just go buy hard drugs.

I mean, your dad bought you mountain dew? Your family encourages this?

 

[mindlessobserver]

If Wikipedia had existed when expert consensus was that the Earth is flat then we would have asserted that position as fact.

 

[Blackhole]

Personal accountability is the female equivalent of kryptonite, garlic, wooden stakes, silver bullets or job applications.

 

[Jack Awful]

Post a video right now of you, starting at your head, confirming vocally that it's you, and carrying down your body without any cuts or skips (keep your shirt and panties on) to your thighs, scrub them with soap and water on camera

 

[I am vomit]

I dunno man, asking for DNA repair gummies is pretty anti science to me.

Man is so sexually frustrated that he will stick his chode in a cube.

Why not make a shrine to your dead pussy?

 

[The Emperor Skeksis]

The autistic cannot smile properly. It's how you can tell they were created by Satan.

 

[NigKid]

WHAT IS SHE EVEN SAYING??? MOSHI MOSHI FRIED RICE HIROSHIMA DESU!!??

 

[Anne Hyroe]

I don’t simp for Null and haven’t for months.