random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[RACISM]

The fucks that supposed to mean? Saying my name doesn’t win the points for you champ.

Margaret Pless by the way.

 

[Aunt Carol]

I am on Kiwi Farms. I wish to know about the banana.

They trans them after death just like how Mormons baptize ghosts.

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

Here is a bag of spinach I have tagged with cheerleaders

 

[RACISM]

A couple of bangers from the debate racism thread.

The average Somali is genetically closer to Hitler than he is to a Bantu African American

I’m being patient with you here and having a debate you said you want to have, and all you can do is post pictures of my face and insult my appearance?

 

[Meat Target]

Patrick is so uniquely able to be despicable that inanimate objects around his house came to life to make social media accounts to talk about how awful he is.

 

[Haramburger]

@Haramburger

View attachment 5082026

I'm cognizant I wrote that, but I still laughed until tears came out reading that nonsense. Daytime Haramburger can't handle the shit After Dark Haramburger comes up with apparently.

 

[Gentlebastard]

It is interesting the way these people talk about us, using terms like "digital labyrinth". I think it rather makes us look cool actually.

The onlyfans whore "cry" as they twerk and sell their body on the internet.

From one learned gentleKiwi to another, allow me to increase your facility with word economy with this two syllable substitution I employ to great effect: crackhead.

It makes me sound like I'm part of some badass resistance movement and not just wasting my hours away laughing at weirdos on the internet.

Oh no, independent thought.

Nobody wants to admit they have a negro problem.

if a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, how quickly will the American mainstream media accuse Russia of felling it?

I hope that it will be published or leaked soon, because I really want to see a documentary about a non-existent far-right militia

the Detroit of Hell, wherever the suffering is worst.

Lie all you like, the number of Uhaul rents tell the truth.

So I really don't know who to hate more, basically, is what I'm saying.

King James I is the Lord of Vape Nation and the Phat Cloudz Club. Vape is Love, Vape is Life.

My brother in Christ, why the fuck would I continue reading when this is what they choose to open with

He’s gay. But he knows if he exits the closet he becomes that unicorn that impossible case that shouldn’t exist, the unfuckable faggot. And faggots will fuck anything with an asshole and some things without.

I think, in a godless universe we cannot expect something that funny to happen.

Every time one of the stalkers contact him he probably feels a little rush of girlish excitement, like someone getting attention from their crush.

George Washington would have been raping slave boys just like anyone else and still would call you a nigger faggot.

Reminds me of the fact that Rosechu has a pointed tail like male Raichu does (and yes Rosechu does have a pickle and double yes Chris loves it)

You want to kill yourself, just go ahead and do it. Don't make everyone else suffer.

People keep telling me about the banana. I had no need or wish to know about the banana.

But no matter how many times you put the plastic sauropod's neck into the plastic T-Rex's mouth you just can't match the dopamine hit of a few likes.

I haven't seen those clips in ages and I still feel lingering second-hand embarrassment.

I think I glimpsed bitch tits as well but some of you Kiwi investigators may have the technology to enhance the image and determine that for sure.

God damn that’s one of the worst pictures I’ve ever seen of him. He shared this. On purpose. He looked at it and thought “Yup, looking good, handsome!”

I am on Kiwi Farms. I wish to know about the banana.

I'm starting to feel inadequate with the measly number of sinks i own.

What a nauseating thought. I wish I hadn't had it.

she was living in a fantasy world and that bathroom brought her big, wide-hipped ass down to earth

 

[Return of the Freaker]

"If you all stopped being bigots at the same time, you could all goon to girl dick as one. It's okay."

 

[KiwiFuzz]

Dicks with faces is the new arm dick tattoo.

I regret ever coming on this part of the site but I somehow always end up here.

Shoving midgets where they don’t belong is a time honored Irish-Catholic tradition!

I feel like I'm being trolled by God.

Fuck it. I'm a transexual Nazi Eskimo with headmates. Where's my check?

Soldiers say there are no atheists in a foxhole. No God either by the look of that. Abandon all hope ye who enter here.

You so want to reply to many of these screeds, "Have you tried having sex?"

I'm glad this guy is now a woman because I love him, and this stops it from being gay.

I like to imagine her walking round with her whole forearm sewn on to her pubic triangle, fist clenched, threatening anyone who looks at it.

We're all just brainwashed by the patriarchy and surely I, after experiencing some kind of sapphic yoni worship ritual in a Portland bungalow, would see how great carpet munching is.

If you listen closely you can hear the sound of a few hundred internet faggots shuffling to the edge of their seats and leaning forward with interest.

 

[Tangled Headphones]

Having sex with a shark is not normal behaviour.

 

[Meat Target]

Riddle me this
you foul kiwi dudes
who calls you a pedo
but seeks a childs nudes.

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

Technically speaking, you aren't a hobo unless you've ridden the rails in search of work. These are just bums.

And this is why you're fucking homeless, you uncultured swine.

The only way to deal with the modern homeless problem is quite simple: gas them all to death.

Wondering if they are using one of those very specific YT playlist like "classical songs for when you wanna murder your enemies". I hope to soon see "classical playlist to kick your hobbo out of your garden".

I am a biological female that likes dick faggot. Not a damn troon.

so when my cellphone rings the nigger alarm is it gonna start blasting "ME HARDIES!! THERE'S A NIGGER ON THE PORT BOW! MAN THE CANNONS, BLAST THE NIGGER!!! YARRGH THEY'RE GETTING ABOARD THE SHIP! YARRR CHOP THEIR HEAD OFF WITH THEIR CUTLASSES! FEED 'EM TO THE FUCKIN' SHAAAARRRKSS!!!!!"?

See this is why I think he's hetero. If he were gay he couldn't pass up the opportunity to grift and collect updoots and become an official part of the rainbow flag and "no, child" people on Grindr and never shut up about it.

ouch oof ow i got bumped on the noggin please apply my tourniquet to my neck

Uranium in the lungs is good for you. Thinking otherwise is Russian propaganda.

Just what I always wanted; a 1911 that was probably used as a butt plug at a Church of Satan gay orgy.

I know you're black but stop acting like a stupid nigger.

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

he is possibly humanity's 1st ever basement-made dictator.

Sauce

 

[Seafarer]

The most hilarious thing about Americans is how they will drone strike your village, rain artillery on it, then make films and plays about how it made them have the sads.

 

[Thomas Eugene Paris]

When I was 16 years old, I found that I loved men and of course cock. I started to go into the gay bars in my city, for older men to pick me up. I sucked their dicks and enjoyed being fucked. Being a top was never my priority and one day I meet a transgender woman.

I started to consume hormones as a minor, without any control. At 17 years, I got boobs and ass.

In less than a half hour I was wiinning money sucking cock and getting fucked in the ass.

I identified as a woman, not because I dressed and socialized as one. The reason is that I loved, and I continue loving, men as a woman. I wasn't feminine before started to change my body. I had to learn some social skills to blend as any other woman in society, the same ones as any other born girl. Rules that are more cultural than any other things and a different reality. This is something that a Troon cannot do. ¿Are you a woman? Then behave as one, simply as that.

If I was Jazz mother, I would have hired a man to be with her and have voluntary sex with her before all the HRT. Do you want to be a woman? Then you are going to be a lovely young lady for this virile man.

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

Why should Ian give a shit? There aren't enough hours in the day for Ian to entertain all the offers he gets. Manufacturers, museums, auction houses, foreign militaries and collectors all compete with one another for his attention. He's referred to as Gun Jesus and gets to travel the world to play with other people's one-of-a-kind guns. Karl unironically worships satan and troons while cheering on Antifa and gun control.

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

Tim pool found dead in compound via accidentally hanging himself while jacking off in a closet.

The funeral service for him and his beanie will be at the local skatepark in Chicago. Please bring your gayest hats possible.

 

[Aunt Carol]

I am not dunking on being 34 and collecting bones, or collecting bones, or being 34 in general.

 

[Gentlebastard]

I especially like the "no no no, please don't hurt me, I only stole your daughter's dirty underwear as a joke!" pose.

Adults who wear baseball hats backwards should be thrown in woodchippers.

$1000.00 a day cocaine habit.... Jfc. She should have graduated to meth long before this point. She would've saved money.

The monoamine oxidase-A 2-repeat allele and its relative population prevalencies have been a disaster for American democracy.

I am just shitting on this idea because it sounds retarded.

We need Tim to just join KiwiFarms. Then he can learn how to properly alog and stop pozloading my neghole all the fucking time.

You sir, are far too generous with your wording

Hate to be a doomer but aren't we already past the point of "it isn't happening" to "yeah, so? thats a good thing bigot!"

Lizzo needs to leave cake alone.

Idk maybe I’m retarded. But what could be more enticing to a fat man than a superhacker poc from the Biden campaign?

I had just forgotten this creature existed. How can I leave it alone when people keep dragging it back into the limelight?

You can't cry about people commenting on you when you go out of your way to be a spectacle.

Goddamn you. Why the hell did you made my mind conjure that image up.

QUICK, QUICK ARCHIVE THE MONSTERGIRL PORN!!!!

This is once in a lifetime milk.

I mean sure everybody gets horny. My point is this dude is really assblasted because I assume either people made fun of him for popping a boner over a tomato or do not share his boner popping enthusiasm regarding the tomato

Look, if you want facial feminisation surgery, just swim through the broken section of Rivet City. You have to go there for the android quest anyway, so you might as well.

So a guy is ranting that people mock him for jacking off to sexualized tomatoes and that his friend will KILL HIMSELF if people don't stop calling him a retarded coomer (paraphrased).

If the Tranch decides to move to Canada, the prime minister himself will give them the keys to a government granted free mansion and their very first dole checks

He is not of sound mind (although he is of round body).

I’m some retard on the internet and I’m already finding a million holes in what he’s saying.

I'd really feel for him if not for a aforementioned 0.00732 Likeability Quotient.

"No Troon Scotsman" argument

Jesus Christ, 18 is too young to go. No grave dancing on this poor guy's bones, this was a horror show.

Fuck, I mean, metalhead dudes have way better hair than troons. Wtf are they even doing?

This is not a new development in gay men - in the 60s they'd refer to it as a "meat rack" (with the obvious implications that they're treating each other like pieces of meat).

This is very intimidating to the pooner.

In other words she wants to cock block all the horny gay men and make them pay attention to her.

some are even scary working class men who've never heard of Judith Butler and just want their dick sucked!!!!

I think the unqualified evolutionary psychologist in me just made a discovery

Being one big 500lb pile of irredeemable shit is one thing but being a deluded 500lb pile of irredeemable shit is what pushed me over the edge with fatty mcfathead.

I feel like I can detect the SCENT OF A MAN on an unfamiliar pillow, for example.

I've (TW, PL) never been to an MtG convention but I have good cause to believe the man-stink would send Agent Smith into a death spiral.

I literally envy the FtMs when they post pictures holding their rotdogs with the most delicate feminine hands with beautiful clean mani’d nails

So I'm a girl

I think the only people in the western world I'd consider non-consoomer are the Amish, but even I've seen ladies chugging bottles of cooking sherry in their buggies on the way home. (Which was hilarious)

Patient's gonna die, it's been obvious for a bit so nothing special is happening. A lot of us are standing around waiting for the attending to call it, and we're on our phones. I see this post, I can't not snort laugh, so I step out of the room. I get pulled aside later to ask if I need some time to myself today. I say no, I'm okay and then get told it's okay to be sensitive about these things. No joke. I don't dare correct them because I'm not explaining why I walked out when I did.

 

[Aunt Carol]

> You are bound to the whims of your flesh.
no u lol

But you are right, I'm a sorta nice person.

Of course he smokes weed, fucking loser

You know, when the demons in your titties whisper dark things to you at night.