random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[HumanHive]

"I came to sperg on Kiwi Farms and all I got was my own thread."

T-Shirt when?

 

[naaaaiiiiillllll!!!]

 

[GuntN7]

HELLO PIGGY DRINK HAHAHAHA

 

[Shitty User Stole a Good Name]

You have a virus inserting trackers into webpages you open. Not a joke.

And stop screaming at me you stupid faggot

I fucking hate dealing with people

Imagine thinking giving someone money is justification to be so annoying

 

[Opticana]

The problem is your """"psychoanalyzing""" is wildly retarded and based in your own headcanon of what happens in the home of this homosexual couple

 

[KiwiFuzz]

Let the cow milk itself.

This better escalate quickly.

 

[naaaaiiiiillllll!!!]

Don't despair, it can and will get better. if we can do what needs to be done. This always makes me feel better:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=c5BL4RNFr58

 

[NyQuilninja]

I'd watch out penguin hustler...there's a victorian hatted purple lizard /w psionics and a pig sticker running around that'll flay you open for working its corner.

I want an asian national anthem. I'm not asian but I want one.

Haha, 36 inch dildo, 2 from $600 new and USED.

It wouldn’t surprise me. Steve Jobs sucked hard enough that he could probably get the entire ocean in one gulp.

YOU'LL WAKE CTHLULU YOU DUMB COCKSUCKERS

Wait, are the ghosts she was communicating with this weekend dead animal ghosts?

I have so many questions, but after having seen unexpected butthole today, I'm okay never knowing the answers.

If they wake that fucker by accident when I've been dancing around this ugly-ass statuette in the swamp for years then they can fucking have him.

You have entered the universe beyond clown world.


Mime World.

This is expert level faggotry

that one time you need a suicide bomber...

I jerk my cock faster than a hummingbird flapping its wings, when I upload these vids to my onlyfans I need to upload them in slowmotion because it’s all a blur

its fucking exhausting. all of it

Mayonnaise! Haha, i'm WHITE! *shits himself*

"The show is No. 1 in the health and fitness category on Apple podcasts."

And it's hosted by a fudgeplanet.

And this is why we're doomed.

My personal experience with the smell of burning human flesh came from when twenty or so cysts were cauterised on my face.

 

[KiwiFuzz]

God is not mocked.

 

[Local Fed]

Fire up the gas chambers and sadnness trains, i am full 1488 with these awful people

I dare say assblasted twitter trannies should consider coping and seething, and if that fails, dilating.

Sheesh, a woman shows you her snatch, you tell a few jokes involving Arby's afterwards, and she never lets it go.

On the football team we had a high functioning autist we'd field in the last play of the game for pity. He was fucking hilarious in the locker room though, and he had a love for "dank kush" and "bougie bitches."

His favorite cry was "INSTAGRAM IT!" Just what exactly was to be Instagramed we never knew.

Maybe he was challenging him to a fight and angrily screaming at him while exposing his asshole. It'd be a real "They'll never believe you" moment.

A couple of permanently childless, borderline impoverished Canadian weirdos are fighting on the internet.

 

[Hitman One]

Do you think kev is nervous about wedge getting the amhole, he's probably expecting kev to lick it in return, fair is fair

 

[Meat Target]

we have deemed your choice in fried chicken a political statement and DON'T YOU FUCKING FORGET IT

 

[Just Another Apocalypse]

, but in the end surfer choose to be a slovenly drunk bitch.

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

You are a faggot. But not a Carlos Maza type faggot, more like a Freddie Mercury kind of faggot.

That is probably the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.

 

[MediocreMilt]

The women are afraid; he’s enjoying himself.

 

[LurkTrawl]

Horses aren't Jews, bud. Ever seen a circumcised horse?

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

They'll have to do something when these lunatics gun down some Jehovah's Witnesses or some shit.

Tl;dr, no way fag.

I take that back. He's awful

Bonnie on his way to the bank flashing his nigger roll.

Look at these fat fucks, shoving burgers down their throats every single day. You fat bastards!

No! God damnit, no! Are they doing nothing to regulate their breeding?

Tranny tits always spook me when I open the spoilers. They’re like jump scares. The image may be gone but I’m on edge for the rest of the afternoon.

At least there weren't any shit-eating photos.

I will not troon out on a farm
I will not sell your shitty yarn
I will not eat green eggs and spam
I do not like you man (not ma’am)
“But would you could you for woke points?
If I rolled you special joints?
or shoot you up with estrogen?
Please be a truly hot womyn!”
I would not could not for wokeness
Your nether parts smell like penis
Your land is barren just like you
I will not ever YOURE A DUDE!
But come and see and laugh and play!
Dilate all night and sleep most days!
We are real women totally not gay!
So come and slave and you can stay!
I would not could not on a dare
And just in case you’re not aware
Alpacas don’t like being touched “that way”
You are not women YOU’RE FUCKING GAY!

If this isn't solid proof that Grey aliens are real and have been using human DNA and mixing it with extraterrestrial genetic material to create human/alien hybrids, then I don't know what is

I hope Samantha Bee is stoned to death before I die, and I can watch it online.

all you weirdos calling for death of tv people who you will never meet need to calm the fuck down.

Inshallah we will stone you too

“Kevin gets permanent brain damage when he tries to sniff the horse’s ass and it stomps his skull” saga.

I'm surprised they haven't bejeweled their syringes yet.

Nothing says girly sleepover like a good Stargate marathon.

Remember: this thread is wondering if they could be THAT retarded, then finding out they are. The well of stupid does not run dry.

We're reaching levels of borderline personality disorder that shouldn't even be possible!

Huh... that's a lotta rape.

Okay but why the fuck is she naked all the time?

Is "illegal phone posting" some kind of new word filter?

What a world we've created, when gang rape seems a least bad scenario.

Penny gets TWO house Trannys! Bonnie should be allowed one of his own!

 

[n0mad]

@Clint Torez
Said:

Get Canadian couple has a dramatic breakup, kiwi farms most effected.

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

Kevin's pickup line was probably "Hey baby, wanna change my diaper?"

"Zion's actually four people smashed up together, and I used to be really close to two of those component parts before I turned into a werewolf..."

Because RAAAAAAAAPE!

that sweet, sweet furry skitzopuss…

The robot baby or whatever.

Maybe the real plural trans witches were inside her the whole time.

Be sure to archive her tweets in case they're needed for the murder trial

Powerlevel but this one time I went out for Indian food and I was three blocks away from my house and I FORESAW SOMETHING and I HAD NO POWER TO STOP IT and fortunately it was just a giant fart but there was a hot minute there where I thought a code brown was immanent.

Amazing how with so many headmates, each individual personality is uniformly annoying in the exact same way!

I'm absolutely excited to see a bunch of tranny pseudofarmers in 4K. Smell the dung, count the beard stubbles!

He's definitely fucked that rifle, or at least scissored it.

Pls don't murder the kids so they won't be sad, thanks in advance.

And y'all rated me optimistic, I'm truly a psychic like Kindness

Yeah, she's definitely on T. That's the hairiest butthole I've ever seen on a chick.

Get cucked eurofag.

I think when I've rated you optimistic it was because you didn't predict nearly enough doom.

Oh thank god. Get out of the bathtube twitter ho

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

It is so hard to find good, white help these days.

No horny deed goes unpunished.

Honestly the only thing that makes me think maybe he wasn't porking her is that she would have had some sort of crying rapetub breakdown about it.

Let the milk flow.

She sounds like someone trained an AI to spout uwu valid bullshit in response to Twitter queries.

>professional wizard
>realistic projects

Tbf skinheads ARE pretty gay.

My assumption would be that she is taking testosterone and abusing methamphetamine.