random_text.txt

[Gentlebastard]

Mildly long sperg ahead:

The failure is so incredibly bizarre, it’s almost deliberate.

Surely making a trauma surgery nurse laugh while watching a patient die has worth? Laughter has value, does it not?

I don't know what the fuck she is (fed or troll or what) but she's playing her part beautifully.

And here I thought the point of plastic surgery was to look pretty and not look like your mother was drinking when she was pregnant

please come back to the farms, i enjoyed your schizo postings, i kind of miss them.

but we're the ones in a cult because we find fat people stepping on rakes amusing.

I feel incredibly bad for this innocent man… but I can’t deny this is an unbelievable shitshow that I”m going to be watching with popcorn.

I’m imagining it being like a TLC reality show, except they don’t even need to manufacture drama, it just happens on its own.

I suspect they don't know you're supposed to wipe after taking a shit and you expect them to know the law?

it’s always the tiniest women and hugest men who troon out.
Seriously, I want to know the science behind that. It fucking can’t be denied.

Very pronounced late Roman empire vibes with the deployments to far off lands while the mainland slowly collapses due to crumbling infrastructure and political corruption.

please be careful, i dont want to see any of our brothermen or kiwi frens harmed in the course of pat posting

I literally have nothing to add save "WTF."

It just proves one thing, you need a legitimate retard on the case.

Nevertheless we must gas all Europeans

This website is all about accuracy after all.

Like the humble hermit crab needs a bigger shell, the Sonichu Totem Demon needs a larger, fatter host for its new corporeal form.

I sincerely hope I never see something that stupid again.

I dunno, I enjoy a good lack of impulse control from time to time.

a bad case of alog brain confirmation bias

a cautionary tale against alogging. He gazed into the abyss too long and look what it got him.

alogs are just lolcow pupae

Walking around town the last few days I am getting very bummed out about the fate of the noble metalhead/grunge rocker/ working class guy who has a band and a shitty day job.

Never were the bravest or smartest or best but they were my tribe and they had a lot of good points to them and fun times.

Totally ravaged by troonery now.

This all seems so retarded, but at the same time the people involved are also retarded so maybe that's normal? I just don't know what's true anymore.

Homie, log off.

Methnostate hat back on.

He’d talk a bunch of shit, then go down in one punch and crumple like an obese deck of cards.

Smart choices aren't really this fella's thing, as we can clearly tell.

they were going to be as smooth as James Bond, but it really deserved some yakety sax.

I've always wondered how troons buy shoes.

Amazon, of course.

The pun is purely unintentional.

Can you imagine how red his little porky face would get?

"Marvel movies, & their consequences, have been a disaster for the human race"

If the internet were real, there would be a petition for a retarded Barbie of color doll to be made.

Zero degrees of separation from the Amhole. ZERO DEGREES OF SEPARATION.

The Smell.

You're just a sinkcel

 

[Blackhole]

Joe Biden is so old he fucking predates the oldest recorded Sumerian Cuneiform Tablets- but honestly he's a less extreme example. Rupert Murdoch is so old he could qualify as a Precambrian lifeform. Bernie Marcus predates the geological record. Dianne Feinstein is so old she predates the existance of H20 molecules on the planet- and when the good ol' boys of South Carolina consistently voted to keep sending Storm Thurmond to the senate well past the age of 100 he might as well have been born in the Planck Epoch. Dude was so old and so decreipt and senile and geriatric and frail I can only assume he was basically kept alive by sacrificing countless Psykers on a daily basis.

alogs are just lolcow pupae; time and time and time again it's been proved

I'm just watching this faggot troon going back and forth destroying my investment portfolio like he's the fucking Black Death of stock investments.

I miss the days when corrupt governments just pocketed money.

 

[vomitusdeux]

Putting :3 in a message like that really makes me believe they are professional pharmacists.

Oh wait, that seems like the behavior of a pharmacy that puts pubes and glitter in injectables. Nevermind.

A bunch of dickless men who cannot find the clit, had a fake one put on by someone who cannot make a clit.

But blaming the monkey for its love of shit is stupid. It is a monkey, it loves shit and flinging it. You may as well blame a dog for barking or a cat for scratching things, or a gypsy for doing the stealful or a jew for stabbing you in the back.

Slowly transitioning into Winston Churchill.

A corkscrew penis would be an impressive feat of surgery, not to mention the amazing waterfall peeing it could produce

Don't try to fool me. That's obviously a middle aged gorilla in a dress.

First female to ostrich surgery, let's go:

"Walk softly and carry a big clit-penis, dood."

I mean, dude had to wear his girlfriend's panties to get hard. You really think he has the balls to sexually offend anyone?

ACK-ually, that was Teddy Poonsvelt.

Adam's dick is depressing. Mournful even.
I want to take his dick out back and give it a dignifed burial.

If he wants to be Japanese so badly maybe he should commit seppuku

I find it very interesting that his pubes appear to be roughly as long as the full length of his cock if you pulled them taut.

I interpreted the picture as a cute cat sitting on a bed next to a dildo with bizarre fake hair for some reason and had to scroll back up to confirm that it was his actual penis with the cat on his lap when the thread convo alerted me to the horrifying truth.

You can't expect a forum to go from having pronoun selection in the user account creation to having a permanent gif of Sneed and Chuck dabbing on the front page literally overnight.

We have taken any decision making authority about influencer engagement away from anyone lower than senior director. Anyone we engage with will be vetted to make sure they are not a ghoulish tranny that is just a faggot AGPing it up as skinsuit Aubrey Hepburn so this does not happen again. Anyone who goes on any media will NOT even allude to talking shit about our customer base. We are absolutely in full damage control back pedal mode.

Let it be remembered that "Deleted Account" made a filter of a cropped image of Schrodinger from Hellsing getting fucked in the ass as a response to the word "nazi".

A lot of us use Tamagotchi as an escapism from this kind of bigotry

I'd sell trans pride flag colored rope that can bear the weight of a human being but it probably wouldn't be worth all the shit I'd get for it.

My man thinks a tamagachi is gonna stab him to death

The Harry Potter/Digimon crossover is finally happening.

basically each of these arrests adds status to my #FIDELITY_ACCOUNT on the ECHELON system and makes it easier for me to kill yall

that creep with the boss baby avatar is always talking about what a boner killer the filthy basement and other animals are.

if u use or get someone else to use my ECHELON login im still gonna light you and your mom on fire in a dark cool basement after torturing u

Btw, faggot, I notice that I still remain unassassinated by the Masons.

 

[Meat Target]

Mothra1488 is an alog who follows me around like a lost yet extremely retarded puppy. Pay it no mind.

I'll trade you a K word pass for an N word pass. Can't get any fairer than that

 

[Zero Day Defense]

"I am a bitch nigga, a bloo bloo bloo"

 

[Aunt Carol]

It's called shitting myself with dignity.

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

And then for some reason 7 minutes of Bob trying to argue that the Cocaine Bear movie is a "WOKE-aine Bear" movie.

This brain dead fucker

but I won't be surprised if it comes out worse than empress Theresa.

Zero degrees of separation from the Amhole. ZERO DEGREES OF SEPARATION.

The internet and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race.

I second that - segregation is a good thing.

Why does he think it is spelled SWATTing?

She’s concerningly low-IQ.

I am fucking disappointed.

I miss the days when "hackers" didn't advertise it.

Dis gon b gud.

Every day, I'm thankful for Null's digital Iron Dome that is KiwiFlare. The Ooperator protects.

 

[Faceless Whore]

“This is brainwashing at the highest level. People die as a result of trolling, and people will continue to take their own lives when they can’t see any other way out. How much more blood will stain their typing fingers before someone can put a stop to this madness?”

 

[KiwiFuzz]

Awww man why you do me like that?

The answer is always "the lulz."

 

[Seafarer]

Mix a bit of cocaine into your formicarium and ants take a harder upright turn than a libertarian after a year in a nigger neighborhood.

 

[Spiny Rumples]

In my circles it would not fly if someone was behaving appropriately towards a woman.

 

[Zero Day Defense]

I genuinely hope they find happiness, but also that they promptly return to Mexico.

 

[Instant_Pot_User]

No, they went for the 50 IQ Somalians who will be scamming welfare in their capitol cities until the heat death of the universe.

...the ability to create tasty food doesn't make you a homosexual.

 

[MrJokerRager]

You post like a 23 year old basement dweller who has a microdick and a persistent skin disease.

why are you such a joyless cunt? do you have an uncle that touches you funny?

Faggot isn't a swear you stupid faggot, faggot is a slur if anything. But yeah, fuck you you fucking fuck. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck.

https://www.npr.org/2021/01/27/961063804/colorful-language-may-have-benefits-be-sign-of-intelligence

Fuck the fuck off you fucking faggoty fucking fuck. If we want to fucking call it fucking fuckery, and you don't fucking like it, you can eat fucking shit.

 

[Bland Crumbs]

I want to dissect her.

 

[The Rats in the Walls]

Jon is a weaw human being, and a hewo.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Please, no more talks about weird contraptions getting shoved up into the womb . Lets get back to genital mutilation.

 

[Gentlebastard]

I just have to say this is probably my second favorite thread title, second only to Tard Baby General

I have recently infiltrated an ultra secret trans discord using the clandestine technique of lying.

Bring back bullying. This faggot wasn't shoved into enough lockers.

“Our fat nerds are cool, unlike theirs.”

I had an exceedingly cruel-spirited comment typed up, but I'm going to refrain since none of them have done anything to bring it upon themselves.

We’re conjoined twins and share a vagina — but only one of us has a boyfriend​

Two girls, at the same time. 'Monkey paw finger retracts'

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't day anything at all - unless you happen to be on the Kiwi Farms."
-Grandma

If you've ever wanted to go to Eastern Europe, just visit Portland instead.

If you have sex with a conjoined twin does that count as a threesome?

Putting the "sensual" into "non-consensual".

Calling someone a faggot if you disagree with them is a tradition that is as old as spoken language I'm pretty sure.

How do they always manage to fuck up the most basic and easily fun concepts so completely?

Someone never saw the historical shrapnel maiming pics in school

“Kiwi Farms would never be mistaken for investigative journalism”.

Maybe that’s true, because KF has a culture of meticulously archiving and researching personalities, digging up information that often couldn’t be posted elsewhere due to censorship or social influences.

they pass like kidney stones

I'm pretty sure many of us would MAID ourselves if we were considered independent investigative reporters given the state of the media now.

A&N yet again proving itself as the most depressing board

The US government is the biggest lolcow on the planet.

 

[Shiny Shroodle]

And no, I'm not participating in your old lady fetish, can't you keep them off your mind for 10 seconds?

65 is a bit young for him.

"God doesn't want us to do factory farming, I'll tell you that. I asked God if it would judge me, and it said, 'For factory farming you will be judged.'"

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

what do you have to say for yourself goober??? Tell us your secrets

Karl brought his freezer-burned brisket chili to the church picnic and is mad he didn't win first place.

What a petty gay retard if true.

Man, if I had drafting skills and a Cricut I could sell Roomba sigil stickers on Etsy; I bet that'd go over gangbusters. Little Seal of Solomon Roomba vacuuming around, showing off your witch cred and/or dragging dog poop over the carpet.

Back in my day we just wore scapulars so The Virgin Mary wouldn't damn us to hellfire if we died in a car accident, adding insult to the injury of already pooping ourselves for the EMTs that found our bodies. (This is also why you should always prepare for accident death by wearing clean undies.)

It's called shitting myself with dignity.

>vanilla flavored water

Just another reminder to keep your mouth shut and make your basement into a Faraday cage.

Anyone who rhetorically uses the term "human being" is a complete fag on par with people who spam "y'all" and "folks."